Anger I am so sad, angry, and have a mix of emotions this morning after ANOTHER mass shooting happened in a town that I love, Nashville, at Covenant School. I was pacing the floor this morning in anger, trying to figure out how to manage my own feelings and decided to write this blog to get some of it off of my chest. The anger within me stems from the fact that I am a mother and I had to wake up this morning feeling afraid for my own children to attend school. I thought, "My mother never had to feel this way." She was nervous about abductions, but not mass shootings. I am outraged, but the point of contention for me is the justification being, "mental illness." Mental illness seems to be the default cause of these tragedies for lawmakers. It's inappropriate and needs to stop. Mental Illness I am unsure of the disconnect for law makers between mental illness and mass shootings. Every time a mass shooting occurs, law makers are quick to mention, "mental illness" as the basis for these decisions. Read the articles below because each lawmaker in them either threatened the President of the United States if he decided to ban assault riffles, or posed in pictures with their families; even kids, in opposition to this ban. (revisit the term, "mental illness") Yet, here we are again with the same tragedy and unfortunately, 6 innocent people are dead. www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2023/03/28/rep-ken-buck-nashville-shooting-guns-ar15-mattingly-lead-vpx.cnn nypost.com/2021/12/05/rep-thomas-massie-and-family-ho-family-photo-with-guns-days-after-oxford-school-shooting/ www.newsweek.com/gop-rep-barry-moore-wants-ar-15-national-gun-america-1782885 Why? If you want to blame mental illness, then recognize the pattern and do something about it. You do not reduce the age, for example, in our States to allow more guns to be sold. You do not "red flag" individuals with histories of mental illness sometimes twice, and then allow them to own an assault riffle - multiple guns for that matter. Lawmakers ask yourselves, "Has my decision helped?" "Did I do enough to stop these killings?" You all surely hold Psychologists and other mental health professionals accountable at a State and Federal level if WE do not follow protocol for suicidal ideation or threats of harm. You all will not hesitate to remove our licenses, fine us heavily, and throw us in jail if another person dies - even if we did follow protocol at times, to do the best that we could to prevent these tragedies. Attention: YOU ARE NOT doing enough to help! Prayer To make yourselves feel better, you mention prayer. This is my, personal, pet peeve. This is also what I call being a "fake Christian." It is the use of prayer for selfish purposes, such as making yourselves feel better after a tragedy. The majority of the public can see threw the nonsense and this is probably the sore spot for those of us who truly believe in the power of prayer along with those who do not believe in it and that is their choice. This is the same behavior that pushes away the public from organized religion. If you are prayerful, then as a lawmaker you have been ordained to do something about these mass shootings. The answer is NOT to push blame onto others, but by banning assault riffles. There is no other weapon that can cause this much destruction to the human body. Ask the wonderful and stressed physicians who must deal with the bodies of these individuals: www.nytimes.com/2018/03/04/health/parkland-shooting-victims-ar15.html abc7.com/texas-school-shooting-uvalde-tx-victims-assault-rifle/11898038/ www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/02/what-i-saw-treating-the-victims-from-parkland-should-change-the-debate-on-guns/553937/ https://www.wired.com/2016/06/ar-15-can-human-body/ Do not talk to me about prayer until you take action. There are lawmakers who have been screaming about the removal of assault riffles, for example, but it falls on deaf's ears after lawmakers and society calms down a few weeks later - EXCEPT the victim's families. Hearing from the families, watching their shock and grief, and learning more about the victims does not make a difference to those with the power to ban assault riffles. My question is, "How does keeping assault riffles help our communities?" Seems to me after speaking with numerous people about assault riffles that the only population who needs them is our military. So, what is the problem? Do not tell me the 2nd amendment. You need to understand the amendment 1st before using it. You can own a gun, you just do not need an assault riffle. I need my uterus and feminine options, but you want still want to govern my body. Make it make sense! I just prayed for the victims and their families, including the shooter's family as well. Violence and Mental Illness If lawmakers listen to psychologists or read articles that they have published as I have, then they will learn the types of conditions in mental illness that can be more prone to violence against others. It definitely is not "emotional disturbance," nor is it schizophrenia. Schizophrenia has been the number #1 condition that others use or think of when this violence happens. Answer: No. The lifetime prevalence rate of schizophrenia is approximately 0.3%-0.7%, with variation over a fivefold range in meta-analyses of nations representation survey, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, American Psychological Association, (APA, 2022). I am more concerned about them attempting suicide than I am with homicide because 20% attempt and 5%-6% die by suicide (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, American Psychological Association, APA, 2022). Then, we have some in other professions who make reference to conditions that may "cause" these heinous choices such as Parkland Shooter Nikolas Cruz's attorney, Melisa McNeill: "His birth mother’s abuse of drugs and alcohol during his pregnancy, saying Cruz showed signs from a young age of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and antisocial personality disorder." www.cnn.com/2022/08/22/us/nikolas-cruz-trial-defense/index.html This statement puzzles me. Reportedly, the active shooter had an "emotional disturbance." Are you aware of what that means? If not, here's an article about it: www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/emotional-distress In other words, it is emotional suffering. In school, however, individuals can be deemed eligible for special education services for an emotional disturbance (ED) pending the State/Board of Education criteria. Some of these individuals are able to use 504 Plans in schools to address their needs as well. When I saw that the shooter had an "emotional disturbance," I thought - what does this have to do with her planning this school shooting? It is difficult to fathom these random acts of violence and we all want to know why; however, when it is released to the public there needs to be clarification in media about the condition. At least then, the lawmakers will understand them better. This, "emotional disturbance," is a prime example of this error in thinking and why mental illness is often stigmatized and viewed as the reason for these mass shootings. This shooter contacted another person and revealed, "I'm planning to die today," "I've left more than enough evidence behind. But something bad is about to happen," and "One day this will make more sense.," quotes used this morning from cnn.com. As Mayer Cooper in Nashville mentioned in this article, "This was clearly planned, " and " There was a lot of ammunition. There were guns." Police even said, "This was planned and calculated, "quotes also used from cnn.com. This equates to an emotional disturbance asa the cause of her murdering innocent people? Your opinion matters but I will tell you one thing: We all need to be ANGRY! BAN ASSAULT RIFFLES Here's the link to my blog with the online edition of Psychology Today: "Spotlight On Special Education." www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spotlight-on-special-education
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Passion
Things happen for a reason. I spoke publicly about an experience I had recently, with a drug deal happening right in front of my vehicle, with a child holding hands with the adults involved. I was so mad, so enraged, yet felt helpless because I was unable to do anything about it. That child looked me in the eye more than once, and the drug deal continued until they moved out of the way of my car. This situation sparked a need for me to share that incident publicly, but it also made me realize that I have more work to do with parents. This revelation is happening at a great time for this blog, as well as my career which is moving toward working more with family units. I want to feel passionate about what I am writing. Believe me, I can blog about Nebulous Children for a very long time; however, I believe that I am being called to write more about issues surrounding parenting, special education, and other topics related to psychology. Most recently, I published a pamphlet, "It's About Time: For A Parenting Journal" to help parents track the behaviors of their children. This allows them to gather their own understanding of the reason(s) why their children behave the way that they do at home and school. I also published the "Special Education Logbook," to assist parents of children with special needs as they navigate through the special education process. Both journals can be found on THIS website under the heading, "Parenting Journals." I feel compelled to address some of these issues on this blog and also live on my podcast from the public. I really like discussing relationship issues, so bring it on! Periodically, I answer questions live on my podcast. Lately, there are a significant amount of them including some from students interested in the field of psychology and I want to answer them. Going forward in January, 2023, I am only planning to write stories about Nebulous Children during the month of October. Another section of this blog will be dedicated to your questions, but confidentially. Please know that I love sharing my stories about Nebulous Children, and I will continue to welcome your stories and questions despite the change to my blog and podcast. As I meet more Nebulous Children, I will ask them if I can write about their stories on this blog. I know that a lot of you enjoy these ghost stories and I will add them as they come along with more of my own in the field of psychology from my past experiences. I still have a lot of them, no worries! I am sure that I will have more current ones at some point, lol. You may also share your stories with me about your own children, who can see ghosts as live on Wednesdays at 7:00pm, CST via my podcast:. drlisaligginschambers1959.podbean.com/ Live participation is fun to me! If you miss my live episodes, they are on YouTube: @drlisa3, as well as Podbean. Nebulous Children As of today, I have not worked with children and families in several months. Of course I am not happy about it. That is the bad news, but the good news is that I will be working with families very soon again, yay! I am beyond thrilled and have built my career around the mental health of children starting with parenting. It may be awhile before I meet another Nebulous Child, and I think this is a good thing to help me focus on my new blog in 2023. Recently however, I tried to determine who the little girl spirit is that a few children and adults saw, and told me a few months ago. In thinking about that lately, I started reading articles about hauntings in the area were she was seen to find out if others in that area reported the same sighting. She was seen in different places and ironically, the description of her was the same from each person. I think I was sparked by this information again because a child recently asked me, Are ghosts real? I answered yes, they are real to me. The experiences of Nebulous Children and parents who shared their encounters with me over the years, makes me a believer. Not everyone tells their stories of seeing ghosts publicly, but many people can see them. Since this little ghost girl was reported to me a few times, I decided to conduct some research in that area for public ghost stories that matched the description of the little ghost girl. I did find one place that had known hauntings and one of a little spirit girl. I do not know if the spirit girl had the same behaviors that were mentioned to me, but that is the only site that included something about a little spirit girl. I was told, however, that she has been seen in a place of business and a school. There are articles of hauntings in that area close to where this little spirit girl was seen, but I am unsure if they correlate. If I find out anything further, I will share it on this blog. I have met so many children who can see ghosts, that I am a firm believe in their existence. The Bible also discusses a spiritual world which is even more evidence of the paranormal to me. Hence, the reason that I answer, "yes," when asked this question. For this curious child, I also included a few ideas about how not to see them if he or she chose not to do so. Maybe this is a Nebulous Child? I will keep you posted. :) Conclusion Change can be hard, but necessary. Do what you love and feel good about it. Some may struggle with your decisions but it is you who has to live your life as you see fit. The way that I accomplish change is through introspection. I look within myself to determine not only if I am happy, but if I am fulfilled and paying attention to things around me. Those things can be used to push me in another direction; typically, that is how it goes for me because I do not always focus on myself. As I have grown older, I am starting to find myself doing the things that I love for me, despite others understanding my changes. Overtime they adjust and I keep it moving toward the goal that I am set out to do at that time. I am probably the happiest that I have ever been in my life right now, other than the births of each of my children. Everyday, I am thankful. Today marks one of the last blogs pertaining to Nebulous Children as a weekly blog. I know it is going to be different for my readers and I thank you for being with me as I take on a new adventure. I do not do this for me, but for all of you. I have to help; it's time, and I am the messenger. Also, more journals to come. You all keep me motivated!
I was intrigued by the story enough to want to talk to Child L about it all. I asked permission and Child L's parents did not care about my talking to Child L about it, and told me yes. The parents, along with Child L, also told me that I could write about it on my blog, after they learned about it. I did not reveal this blog to either parent until after I spoke with Child L, to clarify.
Child L, who was calm at this point, allowed me to sit down and chat for a long time about his or her behaviors, school grades, and the ability to see ghosts. Yes, I threw in the "seeing ghosts" part because I wanted to assess whether or not this was a true ability to see ghosts, or a visual hallucination. Remember, Child L's frame of mind was deemed in a manic state prior to our conversation. That is why it was important to share that Child L was calm and communicative as I interacted with Child L. More or less, the response to seeing ghosts was simply, "Oh yes I see ghosts." "I used to see a little ghost all of the time when I was little." I simply stated that if Child L ever needed to discuss the ability to see ghosts, that I am a safe person to do that with because I believe him or her. Child L smiled at me while intensely staring at my eyes. It felt like something that I offered or said to Child L was peaceful to him or her. Child L proceeded to describe the little entity, as well as other ghost sightings. It was interesting. I asked the parents if Child L seemed mentally fit as a young child, or did it appear as if these entities were a part of a visual hallucination. Both agreed that the answer was no because according to them, Child L did not have any concerns as a young child, only as a teenager. Child L expressed the same thing to me; that seeing ghosts occurred for many years. In addition, Child L wanted to tell me that ghosts were not present at the time of our conversation. I did not ask Child L that question, and I though that acknowledgment was interesting; I did not know where it came from, nor did I ask because this was an emotionally fragile child. I just listened more than interviewed. Child L's parents observed something that I did not which was that Child L "never" became verbally or physically aggressive toward me at all, even in conversation. I realized, after listening to the parents for awhile, that their statement was true. It made me wonder about the absence of aggressive behaviors toward me, as the mother shared that every (behavioral) episode either occurred either before or after I was near Child L. Child L even allowed me to get in close in proximity to him or her, and talk about various topics which was something that Child L did not do to others very often. That was even noticeable to the parents, but I paid no attention to any of the observations that they described to me. However, I started to it after they brought it up which became important in a later conversation that I had with Child L, which I will keep brief below. Conversation with Child L In speaking with Child L shortly after realizing that this child did not act out around me, I asked the question about it to him or her to inquire about the reasoning. Child L smiled at me and shared, "I cannot misbehave around you." I just looked at Child L very deeply but did not question the meaning of that statement. "You are nice to me." I kind of knew where Child L was going with that statement, but I also had to quickly realize that this could be a manipulative tactic. Why? Because of the street knowledge that this kid possessed. This was no ignorant child and although the human in me wanted to know more, the human psychologist kept a clear boundary and did not entertain that comment. I believe that if I did question the comment, Child L would have told me a few things that other child have mentioned that I always had a hard time believing, in all honesty. For example, that I glow white which has been said to me many times from Nebulous Children but I could have been wrong. If I see this child again, I will ask if the timing is right due to Child L's mental health. I will also ask more details about Child L's ability to see ghosts as well. I feel as if I will encounter Child L again. Conclusion I always share with other clinicians to be prepared to hear that a child has the ability to see ghosts. I know it may sound silly to some, but I have heard it many times as I did unexpectedly from Child L's family and Child L. I have come to terms with the fact that I am going to keep hearing about children's ability to see ghosts and when I do, you all will know in my stories. They are not written to ask whether or not you believe their stories, or to persuade you to change your thinking. These are true stories told to me by children and their families over the course of 20+ years in the field of psychology. Child L's case was a tough one for me, and many tears were shed because of the decline in this child's behavior and mental health which made the parents suffer emotionally, and it was hard to watch. Professionals in mental health, remember that you are human too and should be in touch with your emotions. I watch so many mental health professionals suffer emotionally because their fail to take care of their own mental health. Many mental health professionals push forward even when they are suffering emotionally. You are not a robot, and seeking treatment works for us as well. Burn-out could have occurred with Child L's case, but stability of my own mental health was my primary prevention. Child L took a vast amount of energy for several days to settle this child. It was hurtful to observe the psychotic symptoms of a Child L or any child, but that was my job. I may never know if Child L's ability to see ghosts caused the mental health concerns or not, but this was a child who could see ghosts. #kidscanseeghostscanyou
Child L, Part I
Child L was an amazing child to encounter. One thing for sure was that this was a confident child with a wide range of personality features that you either celebrated or feared. Celebrated because this was a wise and street-smart child. Feared as a result of the explosive nature that occurred at random when interacting with this child. Everything would seem perfectly fine with great communication and suddenly, this child would destroy an entire building out of the blue. Initially, warning signs of agitation were unnoticeable but that changed overtime as more of this child’s personality began to show. Establishing a positive rapport and with a lot of patience, this child became comfortable but with that compassion derived bouts of anger, sadness, temper tantrums, and physical and verbal aggression. While communicating with Child L, his or her mind shifted quickly more than likely due to this child understanding “the system.” You see, it was easy for Child L to determine what to say and how to say it to prevent the consequences of Child L’s actions. More specifically, this child knew how to refrain from hospitalizations and other mental health interventions. Honestly, I was pretty impressed not only with this child’s intellect, but manipulative tactics. You had to see it. However, I would always welcome Child L's natural curiosity, intelligence, and conversations. This was no mental health rookie, but the downfall of that frame of mine was that this the type of advantage prevented Child L from getting needed mental health assistance. Believe me, this was one child that I encountered who needed a significant amount of mental health treatment, including hospitalization. Each time, however, this child would verbally escape all of it and grew better and better at personal gain. Enter Dr. Lisa Now, I am no saint or perfect in the least bit, but there was a certain way that I dealt with Child L. It was noticeable by Child L's parents who shared with me that I am the only person who Child L did not disrespect. I swear it's a gift that I do not take credit for at all! What I did know was that typical conversations did not work to restore Child L when Child L's mind was to harm and physical behaviors were aggressive. Parental and school guidance was a moot point because those effects proved useless up again this child. Not to mention, this child was not afraid of the police either, and welcomed their presence which was a good thing. I observed this child many times and saw an eye gaze of defiance and a, “I win” each time services were denied. Of course, it caused the parent to feel helpless and also angry because it seemed as if, No one will listen to the parental concerns However, there were plenty of us listening who wanted the same assistance. The problem was the broken system and not the frontline people trying to help. After long observations, listening to others, and watching parents cry, I decided to make some telephone calls. Sometimes, it is not what you say but how you say it. It’s also a matter of knowing what to say in the moment of a crisis that can some fire under other professions. Fire meaning to get them to understand the seriousness of the behaviors, ideations, and/or circumstances which is what I did on behalf of this mother. Instead of allowing mental health workers to chat with their superiors themselves, I called them in that moment. Believe me, they appreciate communication and even made me feel better about calling them instead of text and emails. It takes a village. When I spoke to them, it allowed them to “feel” what was happening, reframe it in their minds, view documentation, and recognize the significant attempts at assisting Child L. Based upon those extended conversations, this child was hospitalized. No magic wand, just making phone calls and thoroughly explaining why Child L should be hospitalized. It was the best outcome for Child L although it made me sad. You can only try to help; know when to let go. I had to let Child L go and be served by hospital staff. That is hard for me, but sometimes it is best and they are equipped to handle children with this level of physical aggression. Appreciate hospital staff folks! (Thank you) We always need to give children a chance to reset themselves after a hospitalization or crisis. They are not adults or machines and need time to process and to adjust back into their environments. The tragedy in Child L’s case is that this meant becoming a runaway or using drugs. I think I forgot to mention the drug factor which was huge in Child L’s life when the money and availability arose on the streets. That’s always sad for me to learn as a mom and someone who cares for children. I have my weaknesses and learning about children using drugs bothers me, even recreationally. The point is, taking the time to transition from the hospitalization back to home and school did not work for Child L. Child L felt free along with free time to do whatever Child L wanted, despite the risk of emotional (or drug) relapse. In that transition, Child L also attended school under the use of drugs and refused to comply with school rules and directives from adults upon return. This was a cycle that occurred each and every day which caused a strain for Child L’s parents and school officials. More hospitalizations followed and what I thought would be best for Child L was to attend an alternative school in a residential treatment center. Child L was not a good fit for the general education program, and did not benefit educationally from any interventions that the school could utilize to help with academic grades and behaviors. The only thing that did work to improve Child L’s behaviors and temperament even for a moment, was hospitalization. Child L, A Nebulous Child Are you paying attention? Listen, in the middle of working to get Child L hospitalized someone whispered to me, “Child L can see ghosts.” I did not say anything, I just looked at the person. I continued to discuss hospitalization with others. Later on, the person said in front of the parents, “I told Dr. Lisa that Child L can see ghosts.” The parents immediately shared that Child L has seen ghosts since Child L was a tiny child, but that they could see ghosts too. Side Bar: This is when I get stunned; when these conversations happen at random, and people tell me about it. The parents told me all about the entity that Child L played with as a toddler, and how they used to see it as well. They continued to mention how they were suspicious that Child L started seeing the ghosts again after Child L’s behaviors started to decline again. They said that they used to leave the lights on for Child L to feel comfortable falling asleep at night, and how Child L would only sleep in their rooms at times. These parents provided me with a description of some of these ghosts, but there was one in particular who remained with Child L. That ghost is the one who they believe interacts with Child L to the point of behaving poorly and numbing the sightings with using drugs. I sat and listened for a long time to all of their details quietly. I never asked for those details or anything pertaining to a conversation about seeing ghosts. I did not even think about it which is typically the case for me, nor did I pursue the conversation any further than the parents telling me everything about their own abilities and Child L's. It gets interesting! I took it all in and compared notes to past Nebulous Children's stories... ![]()
BLOG 70
Blog 70, wow! I am so happy. I promised Nebulous Children that I would share their stories with the public one day, and now I am writing blog 70. Amazing! I certainly did not do this alone; thank you to all of you who read this blog, and listen to more details about them on my podcast. You will notice a few changes on this website, and I am still considering other ways to make this site more user friendly. One change is that all of the "October Ghost Stories" are now be featured within their own section. Those blogs were popular when I wrote them, and I will continue to write them each October until I run out of TRUE stories to tell (smile). HAPPINESS Ever felt the need to find your happiness? I have many times and I was reminded of that feeling recently when speaking with someone about their sadness. This sadness, however, was not due to major depression and/or another psychiatric diagnosis but just a general feeling of malaise or anguish. Sometimes that happens right? Exactly, and the feelings are not always based in mental health. At times, we just need to say to ourselves, “Feelings are normal; we have them, and it is ok to feel them.” Whether that is anger, sadness, or happiness we need to allow ourselves to be human. It is the part of our psyche that we either forget to include in our days, suppress them entirely, pretend that we are functioning just fine in front other others, or we allow them to manifest to a point of exploding on others. When we withhold our feelings, we do our bodies a disservice. It cannot function properly to maintain its homeostasis when all we need to do is cry, for example. As a society, we have allowed ourselves to believe that not expressing emotions is thriving in life. Or, that something is wrong with others who are emotional. Stoic people who claim that they are non-emotionalI will explode at some point, and it will not be pleasant. Some people do not want to feel the catharsis that the body needs to stabilize itself when they do become emotional. Actually, someone shared with me not wanting to cry over because it does not make him or her feel good. I was pretty confused by that statement because this person was just miserable, and it showed. Now, I can make people cry and it is due to getting them to talk which gets those emotions flowing. Guess what? It was no different with this person and he or she began to cry a river! (Insert eye roll) After the release of emotions, I was told, “I feel so much better.” You think? Sometimes happiness takes work, and so does sadness. Is it easier to remain sad? For some yes, as it is to stay angry. Confirmation bias, in these cases, is easy. We tend find issues that maintain our state of mind. I asked plenty of people about their reasons for surrounding themselves with sad or angry topics, issues, and/or events. It fuels their emotions, which is their reasoning or response to my question. Then why not be happy? "There's something wrong with people who are happy all of the time." I still cannot understand why that it problematic and annoying miserable folks! You can feed your mind, body, and soul with things that will make you feel good. Circumstances and situation are different for everyone, I understand that point, but it must also be painful to never be…happy. I say that because negative emotions are heavy burdens to bear on a daily basis. I tend to think that people would rather feel pleased and content in life with the expectation that a positive attitude should be normal to them. Unless misery makes them feel good. We cannot wallow in misery. Personally, children make me happy. I was tired yesterday but when I saw my kids, I lit up. Other professionals have told me that I have a “dial.” Over the years I learned to accept the fact that I do have a dial and turn it up when I need to work with people. Where is your dial? I know that you have one and you have to turn it up. Trick your brain into thinking that it is ok and not feeling sad, but only happy. The dial is easy; just pick up the phone and smile. Or, when you’re in a grocery store feeling overwhelmed after work, smile at a child or someone elderly. Both populations make me very happy when I run into them in the grocery stores. Side note: I hate grocery shopping which is why I need to turn my dial up. The kids are the ones who get me to smile, even the grumpy teenagers especially when their parents are frustrated with them in the stores. I laugh internally because I remember that feeling. Sometimes I yell, “It’s only temporary,” and each parent will respond, “Oh thank God.” Children The emotions that we display are modeled to our children. When you are happy, you raise happy adults. Remember, you are raising adults and not children. Develop them into emotionally healthly and stable adults by being one yourself and learning that being displaying emotions is a habit that you want to achieve as you age. Respect the fact that everyday will not be full of roses and bunny rabbits, but it can be easier to cope with if at your core you find your happy place or dial. I also find my happy place with other members of my family, traveling, and smaller things such as holiday decorating, flowers, and knowing that I am helping others. Helping others is why I cannot stop volunteering for things, but that is another blog. I do not take my emotional self-care for granted. In my profession, you have to be fully aware of how to care for yourself and enjoy life or it impacts our clients. And guess what? I can turn off my dial too as needed. It was off today, by the way but I still smiled. In the past, one of the things I had to do with Nebulous Children is to help many of them find their happy feelings after feelings. Imagine if you saw ghosts? Seeing was not always pleasant for kids, and many were afraid. Other Nebulous Children, especially some teenagers, already found their happiness by learning how to deal with their ability to see ghosts. That is no easy either because it was a constant challenge for them as well. However, when the happy battle is won, the kids would use their learning when afraid or sad again. I gave them the tools to use to make sure that happiness remained stable. Not perfect, but the kids learned how to find it and understood the importance of communicating their emotions. Today, I challenge you to retrain your brain. Find your happiness. Remember, our feelings are important, and we must have them to maintain our homeostasis or bodily peace. Go ahead and feel them; take it all in and when it is a struggle, do something that you enjoy such as exercise or traveling. My new favorite quote is viewed in the picture. I look at it daily. Be Happy ![]()
Loved Ones and Grief
Lately, I have been surrounded by individuals who are grieving over a loved one's terminal illness or recent death. Some of them ask, “Will my loved one come back to me after death?" This question most likely arises due to the thought of losing that person forever, having an empty feeling, or the living are just grief-stricken. I think the question is mostly due to the need to see their loved one again one day or some type of confirmation that the person is ok in the afterlife. It’s hard to think about “never” seeing your loved one again because death seems so permanent, I can understand that point. I also believe that what can make that thought somewhat better is learning whether or not that person will visit you after their death. A few common questions arise each time that I conversate with someone grieving, such as the following:
How Will I Know Signs of Their Presence? I firmly believe that you will recognize the sign being sent to you. For example, at least twice after a loved one died who was close to me, I saw a white light in my dream. I recall waking up and thinking, I wonder who passed away as I slept? In one of the two instances, the spirit waved to me, and the other was in all-white surrounded by angels. Other people shared similar stories with me as stated above, but they had their own experiences with symbols, smells, and actual spiritual sightings. My guess is that it may depend upon the type of relationship that you had with the person who died. What I can tell you is that you need to be ready for it to happen. Why do I say that to you? Reason being, I experienced it. Being grief-stricken is difficult and our loved ones visiting might make those feelings worse if we are not ready for it. I remember when a loved one died years ago who used to talk to me in my dreams, had not come to or spoken to the person who had the most grief if that makes sense. Back then I said, "It may hurt worse for now, if you saw that person in your dreams and he or she spoke to you." I was supposed to relay the messages it seemed, which was just a guess because I had no real knowledge or reason to feel as if I was right. Nevertheless, I think that I was, and the person knew it as well. Healing overtime is important in order to receive the message. What Signs Should I Look For To Know It's My Loved One? Most people have told me that they did not look for signs, and I agree with them. It just happens. Personally, I never needed to look around for signs. Honestly, I do not want to see ghosts or have any experiences that will freak me out. I think that maybe the reason that I had events occur through dreams or in a manner that does not make me uncomfortable. If my loved ones who have pass one make me nervous, I will get to heaven and tell all of my relatives off for scaring me and they know it. (smile-jk) Seriously, I do welcome knowing that they are perfectly fine by way of my dreams which is enough for me. I do know that the anticipation of wanting to see loved ones again can be overpowering due to that deep connection that we make with them. It’s a deep desire and need in order to move on with our lives. The problem here is that you must continue to live and do so without hoping daily that you will see your loved ones again. I know that you do not like me right now for saying that to you, but you do need to move forward. That does not mean that you forget about your loved one or that you need to rush, but your life is still valuable. Wanting to die with that person, or allowing grief to permanently overcome you will cause physiological and psychological symptoms that will interfere with you living a healthy lifestyle. As you grow stronger without your loved one, you will learn to to cope with the loss much better day by day. A sign will come when you least expect it. Can A Sign Come From Our Animals? I’ll go out on a limb here and say yes. Our loved ones were just as connected to our animals as we are, and vice versa. If we are kind people to our animals, they love us even in after death. How many stories do we hear about where animals have a difficult time recovering from grief after their owners have passed away? It happens, and I would not be surprised if your loved one gives you a sign of their love for you by way of your animals. I also wrote a blog about animals and ghosts a few months ago, and I encourage you to read it. I do believe that animals have an ability to connect with spirits which would include God’s angels. Many children who can see ghosts have share these experiences with me, and I believe them. I have my own stories about my dogs who passed away and other animals, such as cardinal birds. After your loved one passes away, watch the animals in your yard and observe their behaviors. See if you notice anything in connection to your loved one. You will notice it and smile. Let me know about it. Will My Children See Our Loved One (Spirit)? This is actually a common question. So many people believe that it is super cool to see ghosts. If they know one person, even kids who can see ghosts, they are all over that kid to ask if he or she can see the ghost of a lost relative. Or, if they can feel the presence and ask if so, where they are, if they are ok, and if the deceased is in heaven or not? Just overwhelm the kids! Some forget that kids grieve too and even if they can see ghosts, no pressure while grieving would be a great idea. To answer this question directly, yes, it is possible especially for a child who can see ghosts. Some of the children feel comfort when they do see the spirit of their loved one because it can help their grieving. They just want to see grandpa, or another loved one, and there is no fear because even in spirit form its just grandpa to them. While you’re grieving, if you have suspicions you might find some comfort in determining what your child might be seeing that you cannot but get ready for the answer. It will probably put a smile on your face, make you feel better, or scare you half to death. I noticed over the years that familiar spirits do not make children afraid of them. We may not agree as adults about the "type" of spirits that children see, but they do see them. You can always ask your kids questions when they seem to have conversations with something that is not there, especially the little ones. Older children can be more reluctant to tell someone what they see, but I would make them comfortable enough to share the information with you. Many children can see ghosts and I would not be surprised if yours tells you yes, I see "Grandpa," or another one of our loved ones. How To Recover From Grief? I am one who believes that everyone grieves at their own pace, uses their own coping mechanisms, and the time that it takes to grieve depends upon that person. If, however, your symptoms of grief (sadness) significantly impact your daily living such as feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or not being able to eat or sleep as examples, then you need to contact a mental health professional. Grieving is healthy and normal because we all have feelings as human beings, so go ahead and cry, get angry, then sad, and do it all over again as much as needed. You will stay sad for a while, and have less energy and motivation to thrive, but it will improve overtime. You will learn to cope in a healthy manner while helps the grieving process. When it does not get better after an extended period of time, is when we as mental health professionals get concerned. Emotions are normal and we all have them. No one can judge your grief, but there are those of us who take notice of symptoms that significantly impact another’s life to the point of being debilitating. You must allow others to help you on your journey in grief if necessary. That is how your loved one would want you to handle your emotions. Typically, they want us to continue to live because they love us. We need to have the will to do so, and when it is too hard to find that outlet, mental health professionals can help. Lastly, but this is very important: Allow yourself to grieve around your children if children are involved. Many parents hold emotions inside when around their children, especially when it comes to the death of a relative. I spoke of this in a prior blog and podcast but as a reminder, your children can attend funerals as well. Children can see the body of the loved one, and it can bring them some closure without it being a traumatic experience for them. I think the unknown is harder. Your children can see you cry and become emotional as it happens. Children can learn from us how to cope with and express those difficult emotions, but not if we refuse to teach them. Allow them to learn how to be sad and ways to overcome that grief after a loved one dies. You are their best teacher. You are their best friend and although your child does not realize it yet, I do, so grieve with them. Love lasts forever... Photo Credit: https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg24432570-500-why-almost-everyone-believes-in-an-afterlife-even-atheists/ ![]()
The Green Lady
Once upon a time… I’m just kidding. However, this blog kind of feels like a once upon a time moment because it begins when I was a child. I have fond memories of elementary school with many individuals with whom I remain in contact. We go way back to 1977 in kindergarten, and have funny memories and pictures that we share on social media from time-to-time. Recently, someone posted a picture of he and I at our 8th grade at graduation with huge braces on our faces. Those memories are why I am so fond of these wonderful men and women who I grew to care for throughout our childhood and adult lives. My time in elementary school holds my favorite memories. By way of social media, we have been able to reconnect to those elementary friends who moved away after elementary school or transferred to other schools. Most recently, I connected with a friend who I had not seen since 6th grade graduation. It was a heartwarming and a memorable reunion. It reminded me of the reason that I loved elementary school and my journey in East Cleveland, Ohio. One of the funnier stories to share is that we were all afraid of The Green Lady. I still do not know how we created this imaginary person or why we were so afraid of her, but we were, and we would run home after school. If someone said, “There’s The Green Lady,” or say that they saw her out of the window, we were running or scared to death. I swear, I wouldn’t even open up the closets in my childhood home for a while because The Green Lady may appear in there and get me. (Laughing) I recall walking to the store with my best childhood friend, and there were two homes that we would not walk past at all when we were younger. We either knew The Green Lady lived in one of those homes, or she was hiding in the bushes outside of them. I clearly remember us also believing that the homes were haunted. We would not go trick or treating anywhere near those two houses for fear of ghosts or The Green Lady. In adult reality, they were nice homes just unkept such as having overgrown bushes. However, no one could tell us that The Green Lady did not exist or that she did not live in one of those homes. I remember being in class one day, maybe I was in the 2nd grade, and someone in my class yelled, “There’s The Green Lady” and we all ran to the window just to possibly catch a glimpse of her! Of course, we did not see her at all, and we were disappointed but probably also relieved. I believed that she looked like a witch because, well why else would she be green? I thought that her nose was long like the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, and that she wanted to get rid of children as she wanted to do to Dorothy in that movie. Kids have huge imaginations, and mine was extra because I was/am a visual learning and loved art. I could draw her face within my mind and easily transfer that imagine onto paper and color it (I still can). We were bright kids and although we “wanted” to see The Green Lady, we were scared of her, and it showed at times as we were walking home from school. I had to learn the history of The Green Lady and believe it or not, I found it today. Apparently, the myth was not solely just imagined by the little East Cleveland kids who were afraid, but other city kids in the Nation knew about The Green Lady as well, such as Philadelphia. The article that I found is posted below this blog. A Child’s Imagination It is challenging to distinguish between a child’s imagination and the truth from them. Their little mind’s can be abstract, easily districted, and disconnected from reality at times. I really love the pictures that they draw based upon their perceptions and the colors they use to emphasize their thoughts. It’s great! At times, however, kids will share that what we believe is their imagination is actually their reality. Children who can see ghosts, or Nebulous Children as I call them, do battle this dilemma with their parents, caregivers, and mental health professionals. We, as adults, have a tendency to interpretation of a child’s imagination as we perceive it and not them. In other words, describe it to a child as what they “really” mean instead of listening. As kids, we tried to tell our parents about The Green Lady, at least I did, and even my parents responded as it being our imagination. Maybe it was someone’s imagination, but it was very real to us, and we probably kept that story going for many years. Recently, I brought it up on social media and others laughed. Although we have fond memories of The Green Lady, the lack of belief in The Green Lady by our parents demonstrates the challenge children face when revealing issues that maybe supernatural or IS supernatural. Or Not? Whether a child's imagination is real or not directly applies to children who can see ghosts. Is it their imagination or not? I think that’s a great question. Based upon my experiences with children, those who share that they can see ghosts do. In my previous blogs, I explained the reason(s) that I believe that these children had this ability. However, what we do know is that all children have vast imaginations, and they are creative when telling their stories. I feel like I have heard them all, including my own children’s stories. Children are great storytellers and love an audience. A little girl just told me all about her ability to ride unicorns recently, and we had a good time laughing about it. Nebulous Children, however, have told me about the same stories in a variety of settings and in different locations, which is why I started to believe them. Children’s who exhibited imaginative play were not telling the same stories. Nor were their siblings either; it was all different. Nebulous Children had imaginations of course, and children who did not see ghosts can have stories about ghosts especially around Halloween. The difference was that Nebulous Children's stories matched that of other children who could see ghosts as well. That alone dispelled the concern that I had about them making up their stories or even lying to me. I knew when children who could see ghosts actually had the ability versus children who were using their imaginations. It was more than telling me what angels were around me or the fact that they could differentiate between type of angels, (e.g., dark angels/demons versus God’s angels), it was in the details. It was also in their details about me, and each Nebulous Child would repeat that information in various places and different times. The use of the imagination and the ability to see ghosts were both amazing skills brought to my attention by children. More than likely, if I did not meet Nebulous Children, I would not possess an understanding of a child’s imagination. Children truly believe in their imaginative thoughts probably just as much as Nebulous Children try to convey their ghostly encounters. I know that you have met children who believe that monsters are real. God bless “Monster’s Inc” the movie, in 2001 by Pixar Animation Studies, for trying to explain a child’s fear of monsters. It was a good movie that explained monsters in the closet and bedroom from the monsters and child's viewpoint especially using fun colors. I was not scared of Sully, he was too cute. Yet, most children kind of said to me after that movie, “I told you monsters were real.” Sigh! Thanks Pixar… So, we started my sessions over with "no monsters are not real" or "yes, your ability to see that ghost in your kitchen was real." I should have been confused but I was not, I just had to roll with the flow that the children brought to me in therapy or testing and assessment. Having an imagination is great as long as it is safe. I encountered children who had envisioned alarming things and drew pictures about them which required intervention or sharing with parents. Then, I worked with children who drew phenomenal pictures of angels, demons, and other entities that they claimed to see including their locations or feelings as they saw these ghosts. Periodically, that also caused concern and as a result, parental conversations were necessary. Clearly, it depends upon their child and what he or she decides to share detailing their experiences. Overtime, I learned to just listen and work with children to determine either their authenticity with their ability to see ghosts or understand details regarding their imaginations. Could it be difficult to decipher at times? Sure, it was, but with children who told me that they could see ghosts, I learned to know what I was looking for and most kids who used their imagination did not have the same psychiatric symptoms as some children who could see ghosts. I will elaborate about that point in the podcast. Nebulous Children had more scary experiences than kids who solely used their imaginations. I learned the difference over the years, and how to develop a child’s imagination to show me their inner challenges. Remember, they were visiting a mental health professional for a reason(s). There was not a time when a child’s imagination turned into “I can see a ghost.” Not once. The only children who told me that they could see ghosts were, Children Who Could See Ghosts Conclusion Although were scared of The Green Lady, she was not a ghost to us. Many of us told our parents about it because we thought she was a real scary, but human lady. I, at least, thought she was a witch and not a ghost. Nebulous Children try to tell others that they can see ghosts. It is not that easy for them to tell the world about their abilities which is why many keep it quiet. It maybe difficult to determine if a Nebulous Child is using his or her imagination or is really a child who can see ghosts. Allow yourself to learn from that child. Children will tell you everything you need to know about them if you are quiet and keep good eye contact with them. They may not open up to you easily until positive rapport is established, but they will do so if you give them time. I am a firm believer in trusting children. They have no reason to lie about telling you that they see ghosts; it does not benefit them, and most of the time they feel embarrassed until you make them feel comfortable. Children with only imaginations have less concern and embarrassment about telling their stories, and they are ok with adults who tell them, “It’s just your imagination.” On the other hand, Nebulous Children are not accepting of adults attributing their stories to their imaginations and will fight for us to believe them until they give up. You do want to hear their stories; it will help them, and you may learn something from them. Their experiences may only be “weird” to you because you do not have the same ability as they do to see ghosts. As an adult, you have also lost your imagination. But The Green Lady, however, is real! (smile) Mike/Sully Photo Credit: Download High Quality monsters inc logo sully Transparent PNG Images - Art Prim clip arts 2019 (clipartcraft.com) Green Lady Back in the Day: 'Green Lady' legend struck fear into kids | Back in the Day | phillytrib.com
Great Question, Thank you!
My answers are based upon my opinion and experiences in the field of psychology. Below are some of the issues that I would do change about the field of psychology which include the following: 1. The Mistreatment of African-American Psychologists, 2. Teaching Students About State Board Exams, and 3. The Unfair Treatment of Clinical Psychologists. I will also answer a follow-up question pertaining to, Would I Become A Psychologist Again? 1. The Mistreatment of African-American Psychologists When I was a Bachelor's-level psychology major at the illustrious Fisk University, a Historically Black College and University, (HBCU), I recall mostly great experiences while enrolled in the psychology department. My advisor had a wealth of knowledge about the field, and was very supportive in my decisions. She gave me good background knowledge about her specialities and I remember one time we had an in-vivo demonstration from her which definitely killed my thoughts about animal research. This also pushed me to considered clinical psychology with school-age children. It helped that I loved children, and had been around them since I was a teenager. This is the reason why I started working in daycare centers on summer breaks which allowed me to better understand child development. During my Senior year at Fisk, the psychology department had a guest speaker who was an African-American male Psychologist. It was easy to feel proud of any African-American Psychologist, especially at a HBCU because it was very rare to speak to one let alone a male. This should have been a proud moment for all of the students, but as we lined up to talk to him one-on-one, I noticed something strange. He was telling all students whether or not we could be "ever" be Psychologists, (I always capitalize Psychologist even if it's supposed to be typed in lowercase), based upon our grade point average (GPA). That felt weird to me; how would he know? I am a silent observer of behaviors; always have been, and I noticed a few of the females with different facial expressions after speaking to this Psychologist. I wonder if some of my fellow former-psychology majors remember this moment? It is a flashbulb memory for me, (episodic memory), because it was significant enough to for me to remember the details of this one experience. I was one of the last students to walk up to him to speak to him and he asked me my GPA. Listen folks, I gave him a RANDOM GPA which was very, very high. He said to me, "No, you will NEVER be a psychologist." I looked at him like he was crazy and walked away. I have always been defiant when people tell me that I will NEVER accomplish something in my life. I remember walking out of the classroom with my A GRADE thinking I'll show him and I will become a Psychologist. What Would I Change? Perception: The perception of African-American students and African-American faculty. African-American female professors are consistently rated the lowest by students, and not just in the field of psychology which is sad. African-American female students are perceived as having lower ability, compared to other students. Throughout my time as a psychology student, there were too many instances of having to fight for equality compared to my peers. Mind you, my doctorate was confirmed in 2006 and I still had to defend myself against some faculty. Thank goodness for the strength of other faculty members who could put these professors in their place as needed to protect me. Nevertheless, that did not always happen while on practicums, pre-and-post doctoral internships, and in other places of employment. It seemed to be a common theme, almost predictive, for some people to be discriminatory or disrespectful in some way due to race. Many African-Americans share these types of experiences and stories, but this perception in psychology needs to change. It bleeds into racial biases, unethical behaviors, discrimination, racial microaggressions, and other areas in psychology that matter such as psychological testing. This behavior is also responsible for the lower percentages of minorities passing the State Board Exams to become Licensed Psychologists. One would think that given the length of the waitlists at mental health centers and hospitals for psychological testing and therapy, some would welcome more of African-American Psychologists because we are needed. Research shows that children respond better to individuals who look like them. Make changes to allow more African-American Psychologists to practice. The American Psychological Association (APA), has "Apologized to people of color in promoting, perpetuating, and failing to challenge racism, racial discrimination, and human hierarchy in the U.S," Resolution adopted by the APA Council of Representatives, October 29, 2021. That's a Start When I decided to apply for a doctorate degree, I spoke to my Caucasian-American academic advisor, who was also my professor, and department chair at Tennessee State University (TSU) a HBCU and public institution. He was such a wonderful man who I could not locate after the internet was developed and started to become more advanced. I still cannot find him to thank him. I want to tell him that he was right about my experiences. You see, in 1997 as I contemplated applying to a doctorate program he told me, "You need a Ph.D. over a Psy.D." I asked him why? He said, "Because you are a Black woman and I want to see you obtain your Ph.D." "There will never be a question about your intelligence with a Ph.D." So I'll admit that was odd to me, but I listened. A Psy.D. if you are unaware of it, is a doctorate in psychology which back then, our old school Ph.Ds did not appreciate at all. It was viewed as a lesser degree and some still hold that belief, unfortunately. Many Psy.D programs are located in places to learn outside of universities which is where the Ph.D degrees are awarded which many claim is one of the problems with the Psy.D. I learned more about the criticisms of the Psy.D long after my former advisor told me not to consider it, but I did think about it and apply to earn it. He was not happy about it but supported me none the less and after all of my applications, acceptances, and travels to visit various Psy.D. and Ph.D. programs, you all know that I decided upon the Ph.D. in 2001 in Chicago, Illinois. Here's the problem: Fast-forward to today, I recall the faculty members of various institutions not thoroughly explaining the difference between the two degrees. I am hopeful now that this is happening for potential doctoral students, and that their decisions to attend are also based upon their own research but not due to being told what should happen to them due to race. Now, in my former advisor's defense, he told me what he thought was best for me and for my experiences going forward, and he was right about a lot of it. His doctorate was in education and he told me not to obtain an Ed.D. at all because his prediction was that it will become "obsolete with time and it is not the right degree for you in your future." My former advisor had an Ed.D. from many, many years ago probably dating back to the early 50's when life was quite different for Caucasian men versus African-American people as a whole. His perception was based upon how he thought I would be treated as an African-American female Psychologist, not knowing that one day we would have the first male African-American President, Barack Obama, and years later, an African-American and Asian American woman as Vice President, Kamala Harris. We can all understand why he may have been trying to protect me by strongly opposing any other doctorate degree except the Ph.D., for me. I understand now what he was doing, but I could have had these same experiences as a Psy.D. which became popularized during and long after I finished my doctorate. Psychologists should respect, encourage, and support our training programs for the doctorate of psychology degree; we can still do a lot better, which is another area that I would change. 2. Teaching Students About State Board Exams Speaking of my former advisor at TSU, evokes another change I would make which is teaching clinical psychology students about the process to become a Licensed Psychologist. All licensed fields have a process to become licensed, (e.g., Attorneys take the bar exam), but I would like for more students to be aware of our process in psychology prior to majoring in it. There is no reason to pay for degrees in psychology without understanding what it actually takes to become a Psychologist from financials to studying for your license. That would include the licensing process in education for School Psychologists as well. I saw a TikTok video of a woman, now a school psychologist, who started a new job with a school district without knowing the heaviness of the job responsibilities. How do you not know what it takes to be an actual school psychologist in a school? To avoid this foolishness, research and learn about your chosen career before you apply for the degree, and ask questions to those in the field. My former universities did not lecture about the licensing process for School or Clinical Psychologists. However, when I had questions about what the processes would take for both specialities, I went to the State Board of Education and the Department of Financial and Professional Regulation to read. I also called both regulation boards to ask questions. I still call my State's Board of Ed or one of my National Associations when I have questions. They gladly answer and assist me to clarify my concerns. What you need to know is on those websites which will assist you with being well-versed about your responsibilities, including ethics, early in your career in psychology. That is what I want to see change, even at the universities and college level. We do a disservice to students not preparing them for licensing boards. Students will also benefit from educating themselves about psychology. I read comments such as, "I will just listen to people and they will get better." Newsflash, we do not attend school for years to learn how to listen to people. Psychology is a science and not easy. Many of us are in school longer than some medical doctors which is surprising for some, but true. What Would I Change? My Past Research: If I could change time, I would have researched my field better to determine the licensing requirements. You do not want to enter this field ignorant. I was somewhat unschooled in psychology when I made the decision to go into school psychology, but it was my advisor who sent me to a school and a hospital for my practicum experiences. He knew that I was torn with both speciality areas, and decided to give me a yearly experiences in both which let me to finish my Master's degree in psychology with an emphasis in school psychology. The interesting part of this story is that I still could not decide between pursuing a doctorate in school or clinical psychology. I enjoyed both of my practicum experiences; however, it was my practicum at MeHarry Medical College, a HBCU in Nashville, dedicated to providing health care education that focused my attention more toward clinical psychology. 3. The Unfair Treatment of Clinical Psychologists Unfair Treatment: This topic is heavy to me and would require an entirely new blog post. Basically, other specialities in psychology do not need to meet the same requirements as Clinical Psychologists. For States to require Clinical Psychologists to meet certain requirements prior to practicing that other specialities do not need is ludicrous and unjustified. For example, a doctorate level Psychologist who was not educated at an APA accredited university cannot be called a "Psychologist," but a School Psychologist can call themselves a School Psychologist at the Master's level. Not to mention, a School Psychologist typically has a certification or license pending their State's Board of Education requirements and title, and they do not have to be educated at an APA accredited institution or apply with the State Board to receive that certification or license. How does that make sense? Yet, a doctorate level Psychologist who attended a non-APA accredited institution will, more than likely, not be able to become licensed as a Clinical Psychologist in their State or it is very hard to obtain approval. Yet, doctorate level School Psychologists from APA accredited universities can be licensed, as approved by their State Board. University professors are usually not licensed with the exception of Clinical Psychologists who are faculty in clinical psychology programs. It is a lot of work teasing through the requirements and fair versus unfair treatment. What I do know is that there are a lot less minorities practicing privately as Clinical Psychologists. I can go on and on about the unfair treatment for Clinical Psychologists because it really is concerning for me. What Would I Change? Accountability. To be called a Psychologist is an honor, but field needs some attention and adjusting. More specifically, each State, legislators, and the APA and provincial boards should consider the impact that their requirements place upon the public and the future of clinical psychologists. I am also referring to the amount of money it takes to become a Clinical Psychologist, not to mention the stress due to the financial strain. Some of the costs are just money-makers and it is unnecessary to make becoming a Clinical Psychologist as expensive as it has been for years. At minimum, we should educate those seeking degrees in psychology in financial planning. Some universities DO teach their students about licensing requirements, and some professors will discuss the financial obligations of becoming a Psychologist. For example, one of my professors at the Master's level used to talk to me about the pay schedule for School Psychologists being the same as classroom teachers. She told me about yearly raises and the salary structure school districts, including the +30 credit hours for a salary increase. I was lucky and understood the salary structure prior to joining a school district in the late 1990s. Other students are not receiving that type of education which is something that I would change, even for doctorate clinical psychology students, who may be surprised by the cost to obtain a license. Would You Become a Psychologist Again? Originally, I always wanted to become a brain surgeon. To this day, I still have a fascination with the structure and functioning of our brains. I decided against that field when I learned how long I would have to attend school. Now, go figure that one out considering how long I went to become a Psychologist (insert eye roll). In all seriousness, I would have been a Biologist studying marine animals such as dolphins, sea turtles, and probably orcas. I was torn between biology and psychology in undergrad. My love for animals is strong, especially marine animals, and I would love to live by the ocean. More than likely, I would have lived in Floria or the Caribbean somewhere such as Key West, with a career that put me near the southern Atlantic ocean. As I age, I am learning to do more of the things that I like in life and I want to volunteer to work with marine animals in the future. Even thinking about it makes me happy, but would I become a Psychologist again if I could start all over again? No. Surprising? I would have majored in biology if I could have predicted my future in psychology. However, my former advisor at TSU knew what I would face. He told me being a Black female Psychologist would be a hard and difficult journey for me and he was right. He was also correct about how I needed a Ph.D. and it would cover a lot of my negative experiences because there is NO denying my clinical judgment. If I do not do anything right in psychology, my clinical judgment is sound. To summarize why I would not become a Psychologist again is because I am not in-love with my field, nor has it made me content all of these years. I have been more grumpy about it than pleased. I hope that future African-American Psychologists will feel much better about the field of psychology than I have for over 20 years. No, I do not hate it just not excited about it. It seemed to be a lot easier for my White counterparts from licensing to job opportunities and trust from the public. I would not enter this field again and go through everything that I had to in order to be successful at it. Despite it all, I have met some outstanding Psychologists, parents, and children throughout the years who are valuable to me and keep me going in the field of psychology. The kids definitely keep me young. I stay in this field to see changes in children and to inspire parents. I am rare, an African-American female Psychologist. I still hear from students who tell me I am the first African-American Psychologist that they ever met... in 2022. So, I cannot leave yet because who will inspire and encourage them if I am the 1st? Sure, we all have a testimony and by writing out my experiences on this blog aspiring and young Psychologists can learn from it. Needless to say, my matriculation in psychology was too hard. Most of it due to race, but a lot of it was from job experiences that included many racial disparities. Throughout the years I thought, "I could own a bed & breakfast in the Caribbean instead of dealing with this mess" at times. Also, "At least I would be near the ocean and happy." However, happiness comes from within and I made it. I do appreciate my experiences because without them, I would not be here to share them with all of you. You make me happy! Amen!
"I Died And Came Back With These Secrets," by Mellen Benedict on YouTube
I was watching and listening to a man on YouTube discussing his experiences with death. He was an Atheist and asked God, "Why are humans so dark and doomed?" He died for 90 minutes and was able to tell his audience all about what happened to him while he was dead. Listening to his story was interesting, and I found myself encapsulated by his words and visions. One reason I continued to watch the video and listen, was due to the parallels that his narrative had with the accounts from Nebulous Children and some of their parents about the ability to see ghosts. This lead me to listen to other individual's stories who died and were revived. Now why would I be interested in this topic? Honestly, I was not interested at all. I was in the search bar viewing something else, and these video started appearing in my feed. I decided to watch one of them, Mr. Benedict's story, and it left me thinking a lot about some children's ability to see ghosts. One of the things that he said was, "Darkness Is An Illusion" That phrase was an aha moment for me! Darkness Is An Illusion This statement was made based upon his encounters after his death in heaven, or what he believed to be heaven. He shared that he was shown everyone's souls and not one of them was dark or evil. He said it was the first time that he felt love and understood that feeling dark inside was just an illusion. He was also shown hell and learned that he carried over darkness from past lives into this life. In each of his lives, he was not learning but repeating cycles which caused his depression and anger prior to his death. This man's interpretation of this experience was that he has to keep living until he removes toxic cycles from his life. He also felt as if he would go to hell if he did not change. He explained that the agony, screams, and souls seen in hell was terrifying. I believe that he said he could feel the dread, doom, or darkness but was told that he had to go back into his body because, It is not your time... However, he did not want to leave "the light," but he had no choice and was sent back into his body. He explained that he saw his soul rise when he died, but he also saw when it entered his body again. As he was revived, he remembered what happened to his soul and what he needed to do to live which caused him to change his life. Upon altering his life, he remembered the darkness that he felt for years was an illusion because, "No one was born in darkness or evil," based upon what he felt and saw in death. This man considered himself an atheist and did not believe in spirituality or God until he died. "I thought, wow!" Reason being, when I encounter individuals who do not believe in spirituality at all, I always ask and we debate about my questions, "Well, what if we are right?" "We have nothing to loose, but you might..." Those questions leave some speechless. I mean, it does not hurt to believe in something and when you encounter a Nebulous Child or adult, they will tell you about the light of God and His angels. They will also tell you about darkness, dark angels, and demons. It makes for a very interesting conversation and I can understand why some do not believe in any of this stuff; it's easy, if it is not tangible it is wrong and/or does not exist. However, Nebulous individuals will tell you, You are wrong. Spirituality does exist. I see it. Based upon what I have learned from the previously mentioned story as well as Nebulous Children, I started watching other stories on YouTube from people who died and came back to life. Interesting! Different health ailments, ages, places, genders, and locations BUT, many correlations in experiences. They match is many, many ways and most of the stories are identical to what children have share with me about various entities that they can see such as God's angels holding their hands, descriptions of dark angels and the agony of darkness, bright light surrounding God's angels, and etc. Just amazing to me and Nebulous Children are so used to it that typically they just tell these stories as if they are reading Disney books to me. It is not big deal to them unless something memorable happens for example, a scary ghost shows itself to them. Dr. Lisa's POV Many physicians, nurses, and other medical professions have shared with me some of their experiences with patients who were able to see ghosts, especially right before their deaths. Sometimes in the days leading up to their patient's deaths, medical professionals will report spiritual awareness within their patients. Although many of them are used to this phenomenon, when it happens it is a reminder to them that there is "another side" by way of their patients. Their patients will also call out deceased relatives at times, and a personal friend of mine told me that her patient kept looking out of the window at the light while saying, "Hi Mom." Her mother passed away many years prior to her death, and she was able to see her right before she died. I'll share an experience that I had with someone who died in 1998. I am a dreamer, and can recall many dreams that I have had over the years. One dream, however, was about the death of someone who loved me very much, and I loved her even more than she knew. I had a lot of questions after her death, which I would say aloud at times such as the following:
One night, I had a dream that I was walking in this very beautiful garden. I was walking with my loved one who had on the same dress on that she was buried in, and she looked lovely! We were holding hands and I was able to ask her all of my questions. She already knew the questions because she said she heard me ask God about her, and my questions about her to Him. We walked down a path and all I saw was the most beautiful foliage that I had ever seen in my life. There were tulips everywhere and the green color was bold and gorgeous all around us. I asked my loved one, "Where are we? Also, "What is that (down the path there was a light)?" She said, "It is time for you to wake up." "God doesn't want you to see that part yet." "I am ok." "Please tell my son that I am in heaven." The next morning, her son had a dream about his grandmother who said that his mother was ok and in heaven with her. Then, a year later I had a dream about our loved one holding a baby girl. Remember, I kept feeling sad because our loved one promised me that she would be in the hospital with me when I had our first baby. However, she died about two years before our daughter was born. I woke up trying to figure out why my loved one was holding a baby and I asked my own mother what she thought about it all. My mother said, "What do you think it meant to you?" "I don't know" I said, clearly in denial only to learn a few weeks later that I was pregnant. That was 22-years-ago when our daughter was born. Later on I said, "Oh, that's what she meant," And she saw the baby! :) Collectively, many issues arose in my mind as I watched the YouTube video for Mr. Benedict. It allowed me to recall stories from Nebulous Children, consider my own personal experiences, and listen to my medical professional friends talk about death, God, and spirituality. Then, ponder the connection between it all to write this blog. How do you explain it to others Dr. Lisa? I have asked myself that question many times because the field of psychology is a science. Scientists are supposed to research, measure, and show data and/or proof that their hypotheses exist, work, or fail and report the findings. Despite the lack of research and our opinions about paranormal activity and spirituality, there is medical evidence of the experiences from individuals who have died. Further, we can all listen to children and adults who can see ghosts and make connections. Some of you also have experiences with seeing ghosts, or know of times when you believed that your deceased loved ones tried to reach out to you. Finally, I have story after story about the experiences of Nebulous Children documented for years. Medical professionals are also witnesses of these events, especially those who work in hospice settings. I observe, read, listen, and consider alternative explanations for these individual's experiences, but I do not have one. Do you?
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Introduction
Periodically, I will blog about issues in psychology that are not in relation to Nebulous Children, or children who can see ghosts. At times, it is based upon public questions. Today, however, is one of those days where I was thinking a lot about two pregnant teenage girls. I am not only dedicating this blog to them, but I want you to use it as a teachable moment. Consider their stories and ask yourself, How Would I Handle These Situations? Teenage Pregnancy The field of psychology is broad and one's speciality area draws specific members of our population to them. For example, if you choose to work in schools or community mental health centers, more than likely a pregnant teen will become your client. Choosing not to work with that child can be an option, but make your choice based upon your ethics code and not grounded in feelings. As you may have guessed, it's a tough situation but one that you will need to deal with at some point in your career in psychology. Here are two of my experiences:
Limbic System The limbic system, or a part of our brain that is involved in our behavioral and emotional responses, is like pressing your gas peddle too fast in your car and causing it to accelerate too rapidly. It is the emotional engine within our bodies, and is very active and overly reactive in the teenage years. Survival, memory assessment, and storage are the responsibilities of the limbic system. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter within the limbic system of our brains, is increased in teenagers and causes adolescent risk-taking behaviors. The limbic system develops faster than the pre-frontal cortex hence, the reason that rational thinking and behaviors are slower to occur in children and teenagers. The pre-frontal cortex, which gives us cognitive control, does catch up, but while this happens a teen's desire for rewards, social pressure, and impulsivity rules. Rational thinking will override it once the prefrontal cortex reaches full development. Given this knowledge about the function of the limbic system, I am happily surprised when the percentage of teen pregnancy rates decrease within the United States. First, you must understand the brain function of pregnant teens in order to work with them. Then, it is easier to help them to cope with their choices and develop a plan of action to improve their daily living. Psychological Implications of Teen Pregnancy Let's state the obvious, we all know that children do not need to be parents. I want you to continue to remember, however, that children act upon emotions. This is why the teenage years can be trying, and when unplanned teen pregnancies occur, we must support them. Now, do we superimpose our feelings onto these kids? No. You work with them by acknowledging their pain and circumstances. If you are a therapist, empirically approved therapies, such as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can decrease the anxiety and sadness. Psychologically, these girls are mentally vulnerable from the pressure to discuss the pregnancy with their families. Some fear their family's responses more than the public. Then, if they decide to continue on with the pregnancy, the public scrutiny begins even less support with individuals casting judgment upon these girls, ridicule, isolation, verbal abuse, and sometimes physical abuse, to say the least. It is emotionally rough being a pregnant teen, but few have little sympathy for them. Then comes the the thoughts and conversations about abortion, "You can abort it"
Choice or No Choice Oh the agony for pregnant teen girls! These two girls, as do other teenagers, know that they are not ready to become mothers. Many teens do not believe that a pregnancy will happen to them, (see the limbic system above). When it does happen, many teenagers are shocked. Many want to tell these girls to continue their pregnancies, but this is a painful experience for them. To have a baby or not? That is a question that all women face, but teen girls are not "supposed" to deal with that decision yet. It would benefit a teen girl if we did not make a choice for her about what she needs to do with her pregnancy. Nor should we steer her into a specific direction. Nevertheless, some teenagers will ask, What would you do? You can disclose your stance if you choose to do so. I do not share my personal opinion or beliefs at all with my clients. I will provide psychoeducation to pregnant teens only without pointing out what I would do in their situation. I keep the conversation in line with the main objective, their mental health and not Dr. Lisa's personal opinion. For both teens, I was supportive in conversation, and continued to treat their symptoms of mental illness for as long as I could and it was needed. Transferring my beliefs, thoughts, and choices onto these two children was not an option. Whether or not to have an abortion will be asked of you. If you are onboard with abortion or not, it is still an option for the pregnant teen. She will want to consider and understand the psychological ramification of having an abortion if she chooses that route. Pertaining to abortion, it is not a cavalier form of birth control but a devastatingly emotional way to end a pregnancy that for some, was unexpected. You can tell yourself, "Well she should not have had sex anyway," as a default to justify why the child should not abort but that line of thinking is not helpful. It's a lack of empathy and criticism after the fact. WE cannot live in a bubble...crap happens to the best of us! Dr. Lisa's Tips
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Disclaimer
I am switching gears a bit for today's blog, and exclusively discussing your special education questions. Gathered below are the most common questions I that receive from parents. *Please contact your child's school to obtain more detailed answers to your questions. Although I try to keep my answers general, details such as timelines and written notices apply to my state of jurisdiction.* Photo credit: istockphoto.com
Special Education Questions
What is Special Education? Special education is specialized instruction that meets unique educational needs for your child. There is no cost to parents, and it can provide specialized instruction to your child at school, home, institutions, and other setting. Check the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) for definitions and laws regarding special education services for your child. How Can My Child Get Testing At School? The Initial Evaluation is a process that does not happen simply because parents ask for educational testing. If you ask for special educational testing from your child's school, the special education team will respond to you within a certain number of school days pending your state. That response should be to meet with you to discuss your concerns.. At that time, your child's general education teachers along with the special education team, will share their academic and/or behavior concerns or both, (if they have them), as well with you. If the team agrees that there is enough evidence to warrant educational testing, and if you agree to it as the parent, the team will ask you to sign documents to consent. to testing The special education team will have 60 days to complete the educational evaluation. Within that 60 days, you will be contacted by a member of the special education team to determine a date and time to meet to determine if your child qualifies for a disability, as defined by your state and school district. If your child qualifies for special education services, you do not have to decide immediately to consent to services. It is a big decision and you have 10 days to approve or deny the services. Parents, you do not get to pick and choose which services you will take from the special education team, Special education is NOT a smorgasbord! On the day of your eligibility meeting, you can also approve the development of your child's Individualized Education Plan (IEP). Your input is important and services can begin soon after the IEP is created. Your special education team case manager will guide you through this process. The IEP should be created without you. It should not be developed prior to determining whether or not your child is eligibility for services. Since an IEP is a significant amount of paperwork, some special education team members will generate the paperwork prior to the meeting and edit and/or add parental and team member input as it is discussed with parents. Most parents are content with this because it decreases the meeting time, (Eligibility then IEP meetings afterwards can be very long). However, not being ok with this method is find too. You may always schedule your IEP meeting on another day. No pre-deteminations! I have watched many parents sit idle while the school only, adds to the IEP. Or, many parents choose not to attend their child's IEP meeting(s). Do not do this to your child. This is in relation to your child's education. Please attend this meeting AND most of all, keep all of your paperwork. Remember, you are signing the documents on behalf of your child. You need to know what special education services means for you and especially your child's education. It is all about the IEP! Why Does Testing Take So Long? At times, the entire special education team is testing your child. Not to mention, there are other children who were approved for testing prior to your child. Patience is key in special education, and the law allows 60 days for an evaluation to take place. Special education teams need that time because there is a lot more than just testing that prepares the team to reach a decision with you. For example, there is also a long report provided to you by the Psychologist which can be up to 20 pages long. Well, my reports they can be up to 20 pages because I include all past history along with new data from each member of the special education team. That way, my parents will not need to locate previous paperwork. It will all be included with my report because it saves my parents time. Each Psychologist and other members of special education teams function differently. Nevertheless, they need that 60 day window to work with your child. Why Did My Child Not Qualify For Services? This question is best answered by your special education team. There are various reasons why a child will not receive special education services. For example, not meeting the state or school district criterion, or the data from testing did not indicate a need for special education. However, parents can always request a meeting with the team and express concerns, or ask for due process. Due process is a formal way to resolve disputes with the school. The downfall is that it takes time especially if the situation cannot be resolved easily. Nevertheless, if you make a written complaint against the school, you and the school will attend a resolution session where you can come to an agreement with the school before going any further. I have observed schools caving and agreeing with parents to prevent due process hearings which is where I disagree. Why do they agree with parents? Typically, schools do not win in due process hearings. However, I encourage schools to allow for due process hearings if they have enough evidence to show that a child does not not qualify for a disability. Psychologists should not override ethics codes, state statues, and laws to appease parents! Can I Refuse Special Education Services? Yes, absolutely. This is your child and you have the right to say no. You can tell the school no even if they are considering an evaluation for your child. The school may NOT move forward with testing without the consent of the parent or guardian. Revocation: You may also revoke your child's special education services either orally or in writing. If you do, then you will receive written notice before those services stop which will occur very soon after your request. The school does not have the right to continue services without parental consent, and once the paperwork is complete and the services stop, your child no longer has an IEP. That means, if your child begins to display the need for an IEP again, you will need to start the entire process from the beginning or have another initial evaluation. Meaning, you must put the request for testing in writing and meet with the special education team for an Initial Evaluation to determine if your child's academic achievement warrants another initial evaluation. More than likely, your school will opt to perform academic interventions if the revocation is recent (within one year). Of note: Revocation only requires ONE parent's consent if that parent has decision-making power. Can I Use a Parent Advocate at the Eligibility Meeting? Yes and I would encourage you to use a parent advocate especially if you are unable to understand the legalities surrounding special education services. Parent advocates are hired to support parents in ensuring that the unique educational needs for your child are met. What I appreciate about parent advocates is that they are well-versed in special education services, especially the paperwork. Most parents trust schools to have all of the paperwork completed properly, even without their participation. I do not recommend that to you at all. School staff are well-equipped to complete an evaluation without parental participation, or they should be but it is up to parents to be active within this process. Parent advocates will know if that paperwork is correct and what special education services are appropriate for the child in questions, which is what parents need. Parent advocates will support parents, along with having a child's best interest in mind while reviewing the paperwork. Can I Videotape Meetings? You may audiotape, but not videotape eligibility meetings with advanced notice and permission from the special education team. It is important to obtain that permission due to school district policies, and the administrators in that building will be most familiar with those details. On the other hand, you probably will not be allowed to videotape meetings unless the school district allows videotaping in their schools, not even in virtual meetings. Videotaping another person without their permission is illegal. Special education paperwork are legal documents which cannot be disclosed due to confidentiality which is bound by federal and state laws. Who Makes the Final Eligibility Determination for My Child? Determining whether or not your child has a disability includes you, and the special education team. It is a team decision and not made solely the Psychologist or parent. Everyone needs to agree to the eligiblity. What If My Child Does Not Meet The Eligibility Requirement, but Continues To Struggle in School? This happens frequently to children who are deemed Non-Disabled. The key is to put a a type of general education system in place to support your child's individual needs. For example, if a child can benefit from academic interventions, then those need to be added to his or her curriculum. Just because a child is not eligible for services, it does not mean that the school will leave parents without assistance with helping their child. Schools are in place to educate our children, and they will help you. Ask the school the type of academic interventions they are planning to use to help your child. Academic interventions are the answer for this question. Your child's school should intervene and speak with you about conducting academic interventions to determine if your child will benefit from additional help from the general education team. Keep in mind that academic interventions are different than academic accommodations. Your goal is to ensure that the general education team is intervening with your child's education. No academic accommodations are needed at that time. By using academic interventions, your child's teachers are learning what works or does not work with your child in the classroom to improve their specific challenge(s). To clarify, academic intervention are skill building strategies which are implemented and monitored. Or, additional instructions that supplement the general curriculum. Academic accommodations may not change and do not cutback learning expectations. However, they may reduce or eliminate barriers in the learning environment. Collectively, both modifications can help students overcome targeted deficits or maladaptive response patterns in the classroom. Will Eligibility Change During My Child's Re-Evaluation? A re-evaluation occurs for children eligible for special education services every 3 years. Special education teams want to know if what they are doing to assist in your child's learning is working or not, and why. If it is working, the IEP may need to be changed which means that the special education team will probably want new testing data. Or, if a child has not been tested in 3 plus years, then the special education team will be concerned and request testing. If all parties agree to testing, an eligibility meeting will be held and a determination for eligibility will be made at that time. This means that a child's disability and eligibility can stay the same or change pending the results. The new data will define if your child continues to benefit from an IEP or not. If so, yes the eligibility can change for at the eligibility meeting, then with the IEP. If your child is no longer eligible, then that is a change for you and your child as well, but also a reason to celebrate. Academic progress was made, and it is time to allow your child to learn only from the general education team. Some parents do not find this as welcome news, but I am always happy when children progress enough to be determined, NOT ELIGIBLE!
![]() Introduction I try not to give attention to evil. For today's blog, I have to because I was asked this question twice in 2022, once from a child and also an adult. I have dealt with this question in the past, but it has been awhile. My answer has matured over the years. Please continue to read about it and thank you. Tolerance Believe it or not, this question was asked to me face-to-face from a child. Imagine my shock! If I could prepare in advance for questions that kids ask me that would be great; however, that would be too easy right? This question caught me off guard because we were not discussing the topic, but I decided to ask quite a few questions prior to answering his or her question. I sought to learn the catalyst for the question, and the reasons for the curiosity. I discovered that this child exhibited what I call a "dark side." Meaning, he or she had an appreciation for Satan and things that fall within that category such as dark angels. He or she had a curiosity about cult behavior and dark magic, for example. I embraced this child's emotions and thoughts. I created a place where this child felt comfortable enough to share with me not only his or her thoughts, but the behaviors of a group of her friends as well. Together, these children sought to understand more information about Satan and had plans of creating their own cult. Their cult would focus on Satan's work and this student wanted to explore what that meant with me. "Judge not, that. ye be not judged," Matthew 7:1-5 Tolerance is what is needed when faced with a client's belief system unmatched with your own. That does not mean that you become arrogant or lack social graces. Nor does it equate to silence. Meaning, you can call someone on their nonsense and/or viewpoints when and if people need to know the truth. That is the position that I took with these kids in particular, the child that I spoke to one-on-one. Why? Because their thoughts needed an adjustment. I opted to explain the consequences of his or her thinking and plans with live demonstrations from the internet. Fantasy is different from reality, and kids need those reality checks at times. Their brains are still developing which is why many are impulsive. Some of the plans that this child and his or her group of friends had were a result of impulsive thinking void of outcome. During the conversation this child asked me, "Was I born evil?" "Why do I think these bad things?" Let's explore how I handled this question. Your voice, tone, and eye contact matter in these circumstances. Child are natural observers and will know if you truly care about their needs including questions. I pulled this child closer to me, looked straight into his or her eyes with a low tone, and loving said, "No sweetheart, you were not born evil." "Then why do I think this way?" That was a great question, and I decided to write about it. Explaining this child's thinking was not easy due his or her level of intelligence and strong disposition. It was as if I needed proof that this child was not born evil, since I said so but this child was not dealing with a rookie (smile). This was a Nebulous Child which made my explanation and proof even easier. Answer Seeing dark angels and liking their presence makes it hard for some children not to follow their lead. This was one of those kids. It is easy for children to think when these visions happen to them but, they are not easily understood. Especially when a child is lonely, has a difficult life, or impacted by a form of mental illness. Some of those children can be easily influenced, and this Nebulous Child was one of them. He or she justified their beliefs and debated the reasons for moving forward with a Satanic cult. Of note, all cults are different but this one aspired worshipped Satan. If that is ok with some people, it is not for me at all, especially when a person has what I consider abnormal actions due to following a leader. Corrections needed to be made and remember, this was a child whose mind was developing. No self-harm or acts of violence from this child, FYI This child was worshipping Satan. This child entertained joining a group or cult with friends that followed Satan's bible and they all had dark thoughts. I was overjoyed that they came to me and talked because I understood their though process plus their ability to see ghosts. Did I forget to mention that all of those kids could see ghosts? I think so. All of them. Since they could see ghosts and had dark ideologies, the group also questioned whether or not they were born evil. They just asked me by way of the singular child. However, they had plans in all talking to me at once about their plans. The question about whether or not they were born evil is easy to understand if you thinking about it: 1) They can see ghosts specifically, dark spirits around themselves and others. 2) Dark angels can appear angelic or with wings. 3) They have been hearing and speaking to dark angels for many years. 4) These kids did not call upon God's angels at all. The dark angels tell them not to do so. Still, the answer is no. There are a few layers to unpack with regard to the question: Born Evil? Let’s explore the rationale surrounding my answer which begins with my experiences with children seeing ghosts. Topics that I covered in this blog were inspired by entities and other paranormal experiences that children share with me including possessions. Nebulous Children can see dark spirits in various locations and when they are around other people as well. These children also know that dark spirits are demons as did the children above in this blog. Many children refuse dark angles and do not appreciate their presence. In their minds, if demons are around and close to children, does this mean that they are safe and/or am I evil? Primarily because children will hypothesize, I can see these things that no one else can and they are dark to me. Yes, but my response to this theory is simple, The spirit is evil, not you. It makes the children stop in their tracks each and every time. They think about it and consider what is being told to them about the dark angels that they see around them. Dark angels or demons, can do things to manipulate children, and will make children believe that negative choices are the correct ones. I also share with these children that people, in general, have free will pending their religious belief system. At times, people make the wrong choices and those can have negative outcomes. Kids are not bad. We all make mistakes, but sometimes the option that we take can lead us to do bad things. Bad things can hurt others and ourselves, and the consequences grow more and more severe as we age. This is how I begin the conversation regarding outcomes. Parents I am going to be more blunt here parents because some of you have asked me the same question about your kids. I am thankful for those questions! Some people watch television show that depict children as having demonic thoughts, behaviors, and actions. That is VERY different than living with a child deemed evil. There have only been three children in my career that made me question whether or not I was dealing with demonic forces; or speaking directly with a demon. True story! To deal with that as their parent is beyond stressful. Parents expect an answer from me, and I firmly tell them no and why (see above). Nebulous adults, as well as parents of Nebulous Children ask me that question as well from time to time. Remember, demons do not reign supreme and can be casted out of an individual or from your surroundings. However, it continues to be a difficult question to answer. It is also a matter of religious belief as well, and my responses are grounded in my own faith. Now, I can also answer strictly by way of mental health, but I choose to say more than that within my answers. That choice is yours when you encounter these type of questions. If you want to stick with mental health, that is an option as well. Remember, when parents ask you about anything “evil” that typically means that they have some understanding of it. Never underestimate the intelligence of your parents. They will tell you if they do not believe in “evil” or not, as well as whether or not they agree with you. I have learned that most of the time if they disagree, it is because of the nature of their child's troubles. Evil can explain the damage to them. Be compassionate. Lack of remorse from these kids can be explained as well, by way of mental health. Use your clinical judgement therapists. Parents, continue to ask hard questions. Preschool Children - Evil? Yes, I get this question about preschool children too. For example, "My child tries to harm others but still, my kid is not evil?" No. Some parents seek an understanding for how their preschool children can want to harm others, for example, on the playground at school. Again, my answer is no. Biologically, pregnancy is a delicate experience for a mother and child, and even more so during childbirth. Things do go wrong, unfortunately, when brain chemicals and structures are being formed. Any interference in that intricate process can cause either permanent abnormalities or maybe other symptoms that are not as heavily explored scientifically, such as how mental illness forms neonatally. There is a significant amount of research about colic in babies, temperament in infants, and temper tantrums in toddlers, but not enough to say with certainty that anger begins at birth or at the time of conception. Genetics, however, do play apart in emotional regulation along with behavioral modeling and other environmental factors. Therefore, research supports physiological or bodily processes that contribute to symptoms of mental illness, even in young children. Scientifically, these are the reasons that I reject the idea of children being born evil. Now, if we are discussing this topic from a spiritual perspective, my answer is still no. The above information still applies, but I have also encountered and currently know plenty of individuals who can see ghosts who tell me to say to even preschool parents, Get rid of evil spirits from that child via prayer. My Nebulous friends will tell them to get their kids to pray as well. Some parents will reject that option and that is fine too. However, even adults who can see ghosts do not want dark angels around them. They have told me their concerns; how they remove them, and that they cause harm. Some adults who can see ghosts told me that they could see dark spirits in their homes and near their children as babies. Those parents were afraid and would burn sage or do whatever it took biblically, to protect their children. Personally, I believe that children are divine. They are the closest beings to God. I will never believe that they are born evil. What say you? Image courtesy of: https://www.stockfreeimages.com/p1/boy-evil.html Nashville, TN After graduating from graduate school in Nashville at Tennessee State University (TSU), I could never imagine going back to Nashville to visit my own child one day in college. In May, 2022, my family and I watched my daughter graduate from Vanderbilt University. Each time I arrived in Nashville to visit my daughter, including on her graduation day, I have a story to tell from my time as an undergraduate student at Fisk University. God knows I have told my child "almost" all of my undergraduate secrets, but not all (smile). She is, however, fully aware of and met all of my girlfriends from undergrad because they are still my girls to this day. Our friendships started in... August, 1990 Seems like a lifetime ago but since we still have a lifetime to live, how about 32 years ago? I am not sure if that sounds better, but who's counting? As we have grown into women, we learned that we are the same girls that we were at 18 now at 50-years-old, but with less concern with societal issues and judgements. We communicate when we can and those conversations are even more enjoyable now than 32 years ago. I can sit and laugh at any given time thinking about my past in Nashville. Actually, it makes me glad that we did not have cell phones in the early 90s. Nashville also brought other people within my life as well. Most of them have come and gone which meant that they either had something to teach me, or I needed to teach them. I spent quite a significant amount of time in my 20s in Nashville, so you can imagine the things that I learned especially about people. From those who were important enough in my life to remain with me for over 30 plus years, to those who hurt me. You can only learn to be a better person from being hurt. It prepares you for what is to come into your future, although it sucks for the moment. I was a part of several wedding parties, and some I was not a participant but still happy for the couple nonetheless. As some of you will be one day, I was accused of doing things or being a part of ideologies that were untrue. That is how you learn to deal with people. As long as you know the truth, let it go. Then, you forgive people because that is what is best for you and not them. That is something that I learned to do at a very young age, Forgiveness A Nashville Ghost Story My friends from undergrad will recall ghost stories about Jubilee Hall on the campus of Fisk University. I will let you all read about those stories, and some of us will remember trying to locate the ghost. However, another friend invited me to her wedding and I wonder if she remembers the ghost story below. In Nashville, I was invited to a wedding at a mansion with a significant history in the city. The invitation not only made me happy because of the wedding, but I had a curiosity about historic mansions and homes. I am also a fan of Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia and the Historic Village at Faust Park in Chesterfield, Missouri. Visiting this mansion in Nashville in my 20s was exciting. Unbeknownst to me, even back then there was an aura of spirituality within me that sparked my interest. I can still recall the day because it was beautiful outside and I still remember smelling the flowers and trees. I have a favorite tree that grows in Nashville, the magnolia tree, and it smells so good. Lots of foliage surrounded this lovely property. Although I am intrigued by historic homes, some of them will give me pause pending how they appear to me. For example, dark windows and creepy staircases. (I bet you’re laughing) What can I say? I can get guarded and remember, I had not worked with Nebulous Children at this time of my life. Anything paranormal or feeling as if it can be related to ghosts was enough for me to turn around and walk away. Side Bar: I was asked to visit an alleged haunted place recently. I said no because I do not want dark angels following. This person shared that it did follow someone home that she knew of, and they had to get rid of it. That's a no for me. Anyway, I was drawn to the mansion not just due to the wedding but because it was stunning, manicured, and the furniture and paint was gorgeous. I wanted to know more about this mansion and since I am friendly, of course I talked to and befriended the curator enough to give me a tour of the mansion. I will never forget what transpired in that mansion, although I will not name the mansion in this blog. We walked the grounds, then I prepared for the wedding. The curator promised to finish the tour laters, but this time there were others who accompanied me when we toured the interior of the home. The curator started from the back of the mansion because that was the wedding location, then entered into the kitchen area where the wedding staff prepared food. I recall some of that, but I do not specifically recall the parts of this mansion that were not worthwhile to me. What I do recall, however, is fascinating to say the least. We walked upstairs I believe from the kitchen area, (I have not looked up the interior photos to specifically remember the mansion on google) and toured the bedrooms. I felt as if, Someone was following us around the home. I do not know why, but I kept watching my back. I just had a feeling something was there although I felt fine. It was not scary as a matter of fact, it felt peaceful. The home was bright, airy, and had bright colored walls in each bedroom and bathroom. The walls had been repainted over the years, but the wall colors were pretty and of the time period when the home was initially built. I cannot remember if all of the bathrooms upstairs had a toilet and bidet in it, but the master bedroom definitely did because I was stunned by its presence in the bathroom. As we walked into the master bedroom I swear something touched me and the curtains moved. Still, I had no fear at all. Maybe I thought it was my imagination because I remember ignoring it. The bedroom was very calm as if the mood was happy or content. It is hard to explain. I stopped in the middle of the master bedroom for a moment and smiled while taking it all in, and I can still see myself doing that in the middle of the room. The curtains moved again and that time, I walked into the master bedroom a bit faster after the curator called me and the bathroom, was…spectacular! I recall feeling a if I did not want to look in the mirror. I think a part of me was nervous that whatever was following us would appear in the mirror because I refused to look in it. The curator asked me what I was afraid of as she giggled. I guess she could see that I was walking faster and would not look in the mirror. I told her my thoughts about a presence following us around the home and the curtains moving. I also shared with her that the bathroom was exquisite and that if that was the original bathroom design, it looked very feminine. The curator said, I am not surprised that you feel a presence. Say what? She said, the home does have a ghost and we believe that it is the wife who haunts this mansion. The wife was known to show herself to guests, but she is not a negative entity. I said, “She enjoyed having guests?” The curator said yes, how did you know? I mentioned that I just feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, but not just due to the wedding or being happy because of the wedding. I told her that I was not afraid at all, and it actually feels welcoming and pleasant. The curator acknowledged that the wife had a significant amount of dinner parties during her time, and was a well-known socialite hosting parties at the mansion and other events. I said, She liked the bathroom a lot didn't she (curator)? The curator said, “Yes and she designed it.” Aloud I said, “I knew it.” The curator smiled at me and told me to follow her to show me a picture of the wife. Now, I did not know this at all but there was a large painting of the wife in the foyer on the right-hand side as you walk through the front doors. Remember, I never entered the front doors and was walked around to the back of the home for the wedding. In addition, the tour started from the kitchen and went upstairs. Besides, how would I know that was a painting of the wife if the curator did not tell me? I do not remember if there was signage near the painting or not detailing a history of the wife. I am pretty sure that there is one because that’s what would make sense to me since it is a historic landmark. The curator also mentioned to me that this spirit was also known to move curtains to let others know of her presence because she was content with visitors to the home. In life, the wive loved to entertain. Apparently, she still did in death too (I'm just saying). Interesting right? What’s even more remarkable to me is that I not only had all of those feel-good moments in the home, but they were in the exact places that were deemed pleasing to this ghost, such as the bathroom. Furthermore, this was long before I was aware of Nebulous children and adults. I was thinking of this encounter earlier in May while in a hotel in Nashville during my daughter's graduation. There was a picture of the mansion sitting on the counter of the reception area. Immediately, I shared with my husband, I have a story about that mansion, in excitement. I thought, when I get writer's block a simple photo will trigger my memory with the supernatural in my younger life. Long before, Kids Can See Ghosts Can You Random Thought: Since the wife "loves" celebrations, maybe she was in the hotel when I arrived to celebrate my daughter's graduation. I cannot make this stuff up, nor do I want to do so either. Congratulations to my graduate! Are Children Born Violent? Introduction I was asked this question by a mother who was concerned about her child’s physical aggression and temper. Her child is in kindergarten, and the school constantly calls her to complain, suspend, or force her to take the child home for the day. She is frustrated, services to help her are minimal, and she feels as if she has no options. This is a mother who works a full-time job and must take off each and every time her child is in trouble at school. Not to mention, she is a single mom and cannot always afford to miss work due to her child’s negative behaviors. Recently, I listened to another mother discuss her child’s level of anger. Actually, I have heard this same complaint multiple times this year. Distressed mothers, whose children have taken a toll on their lives, due to the heightened anger and aggression that their children exhibit. This is a devastating and challenging for some parents without, from their perspective, clear answers. These kids are physically and verbally aggressive without regard for their safety or others. Other behaviors include: Using profanity, low academic performance, in-and-out of school suspensions and expulsions, and they are oppositional, defiant, and have little regard for how their behaviors impact others. Being hospitalized at mental health facilities and sent to juvenile detention centers due little to remediate the behaviors. For these parents, an option is to give up their parental rights to the State to obtain the State’s assistance for therapy, counseling, parenting classes and/or other services. Even distressed parents refuse to give up custody rights! Another mom just cried. She continued to cry for hours. Her child is “out of control” and has been out of control for years. From harming others to using drugs, this child is now living in abandoned homes, cars, and other buildings. When this child encounters another child, violence is the result of their interaction. School is an issue because this child will not remain in the building. This child refuses to attend school or remain present when in attendance which also means that academic performance is failing. Obviously, this child may have been retained a grade school in and the mother feels helpless. She said to me, Will someone determine what's wrong with my child? This mother believed that no one will help, or find out why her child behaves violently. This child had therapy services, but the problem was that the catalyst for the behaviors was undetermined. The type of therapy provided was not useful in decreasing the level of aggression and types of behaviors within this child. One cannot treat symptoms without understanding the core of the problem, which is my personal philosophy. This child continues to function in a heightened state of aggression. This mother reported that the only solutions lie within either mental health hospitalization or expulsion and suspensions from school. I agree with the mother, More needs to be done for our most aggressive children. Kids Are NOT Bad I have numerous stories that I can share like the ones above which is one too many for my taste. I can provide you with case after case highlighting the need for specific services to address angry and violent children. Traditional (talking therapy) may not work with these kids, and expelling them from school may not either. However, do not blame the school for implementing their policies. Remember, they have other children to protect. At times, violent children must be removed from school permanently. There are zero policy rules in place for a reason - safety. Schools do the best that they can to support all children, but parents must continue to do their part as well. Kids are not bad, but make bad choices. Some are rooted in what they have been taught within their environments. I can count on my fingers and toes the numerous times that I witnessed parents supporting their children's violence toward another child. Pay attention parents, That is positive reinforcement. Understand? If not, that means that you are positively encouraging your child's aggression. As a result of your support for violent behaviors, your children believe that they are acceptable and will continue the behaviors. If you do not teach them to behave properly, society will teach them for you as your children grow older. You are raising adult and not children. There are rules and laws to follow. They need to be taught those things instead of violence. It is a vicious cycle that needs to stop. So, stop calling them bad. I dislike negative labels placed upon kids. Many kids already hear bad things and do not need to hear it from professionals as well. Small things that we take advantage of, such as a smile from the adults within their lives, or going home to pleasant circumstances may not occur for all children. For example, I have told kids “Good morning” and a few of them say to me, “No one has ever told me that at all.” Yet, we call them bad? They seem surprised when I tell them, “You’re not bad; kids are not bad, they just make bad choices.” Actually, I say that to children almost daily. Are Children Born Violent? Society judges these children and parents, often placing the blame for violent behaviors solely on their parents. I have heard a few negative statements:
Specific resources can be limited and are not always well-matched with these families. Families have a right to choose their therapists! If they do not choose you or want to terminate therapy, do not take it personally. The choice is theirs, and it is not about you or your credentials. I refer many children to therapists who are trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Reason being, DBT is a type of therapy that works to reduce anger and violence. This treatment is empirically validated, and if you would like to learn more about it, you can purchase a book about it, read articles, or search the internet for more resources. Check your local mental health agencies to determine whether or not their therapists are trained in using DBT. It is easy to default to a child's violent behavior being rooted from within them. That makes the solution easier to deal with including discussions regarding medication. It is much harder to take the time to sort through a child's inner more complications to understand them, but it is necessary. Why do you steal cars? I have to. You have to? Yes. I will do it again. I could have stopped there as some therapists did with this child. It took several months to break into this child's thought processes, and I gave it that time. This child was violently stealing cards, but did not know that she or he could work, save money, and buy his or her own car one day. We built life skills and added trade school as a part of therapy. I refused to allow this kid to default to a life of crime. You see, this was a child who needed an education. He or she was not taught the importance of an education, and to work and save money. Once those things were in place, this child graduated from high school. Then, she or he had the skills to obtain a job to earn the money to... Buy a car! Do not give up on kids. A Child’s Point of View (POV) Child One: It’s scary to see ghosts. I’m in a dark place and see dark images of people and it especially happens at night. I see large, dark shadows and they come toward me when I am in my room alone. I’ve been seeing them for quite a long time. This is not new for me, but they’ve been scaring me since I was little. I told my parent about it, but it was denied, and my parent did not believe me. It was all in my head or not real, but it was real, and it is still real. I try to not think about it, but I’ve seen ghosts my whole life. I do not talk about it much because I was told to leave it alone and to not tell anyone. So, that’s what I did, and the dark spirits still torment me. They hold me down when I am asleep on my chest and will not let me up. I cannot breathe or stand up. When I try to scream out, I cannot because I am scared. I try not to move or fight because the torment gets worse. When I can’t move, I feel as if I am asleep. Maybe I am asleep because it feels like a dream? Except, I open my eyes and see them, and I know that I am not sleeping because they walk around my room, and I see them at school sometimes. They are dark figures like shadows, and I can see through them. Child Two: I see dark figures. I used to see a man; he was dark with glowing eyes, and sometimes I still see his eyes glow. He has been around me for a long time and I see him in my house sometimes. At night, several dark shadows will come around me and not leave me alone. Then, I have times when I black out and see only darkness. The darkness is quiet, and I cannot move or call out to anyone. While blacked out, I see myself laying down. I see my body. I feel as if I am awake, but I am watching myself. I feel as if my body floats to a place that I am not aware of, but it’s dark and has red in it or something red glowing in the background. It kind of reminds me of death because I wonder sometimes what death is like and what happens to the body. I wonder what it will feel like to die and I talk about ending my life just to see what will happen. When I sleep, I feel as if I cannot get up and it gives me a feeling of how people feel who die. I do not have a plan to die, and I know I will go to hell if I kill myself, but I really want to know how it feels. I kinda know how hell feels or looks like because of the dark place that my spirit goes to when I sleep or see myself sleeping; hovering over my body, although I am awake. I think the dark spirits do it that to me, make me want to do dark things. I told my parents about dark angels and the other things that I talked about, but they do not take it seriously. They believe it’s television that I am imitating or learning how to be dark. That’s not true and I do not play with Ouija boards or anything. They just come to me, so what my parents think it not true. These are ghosts and they do show themselves to me. The one that’s been around me the longest is 7ft tall and just stands there without moving. My family believes in prayer. I pray inside of my head, but not aloud. They pray out loud for me, but the demons stay around in my head. It feels more effective when I pray in my head because they feel as if they go away. But, when my family prays for me, my body starts to quiver, and I feel heavy. I cannot walk and my body just shakes uncontrollable sometimes as if something is happening to me that I cannot control as a result of them praying. What is happening to me? What is this when I am touched by those who pray for me? I stare off in space and it happens when I am seeing dark things. People think I’m weird, but they do not see what I see. I see dark ghosts, but they look like shadows. Recently I learned the name of the ghost that had been around me for the longest. He told me his name and now I can call him by his name. I do talk to ghosts. I talk to this one because it is nice to have him around because I am not lonely. I have lots of friends, but at night I get lonely and this ghost who is mostly silent, does talk to me occasionally. He has been with me since I was a small kid and grew with me and he is taller now. He has always talked to me. I prayed last night, but I did not pray for him to go away. Some of the same things happened when he was around last night, that happened in the past and he was talking to me. I’ve been talking to ghosts for a long time. Sometimes I see them, sometimes I do not but when I am laying awake in the bed, he is always standing beside me. He is with me now as I talk to you. He has glowing eyes and is right behind me. Now that you prayed, he is gone. I have not seen God’s angels because I did not ask for God to send them to me. I did not ask for my friend to be removed either. I have to think about asking for him to go away for good. They do have wings, some of them. Dr. Lisa: There are some commonalities between the children’s stories along with some of the things that I’ve shared that kids who could see ghosts told me years ago. Patterns of showings are the same such as ghosts appearing as little children and growing up with them overtime. These children have the most spiritual activity at night with ghosts and both consider the ghosts as friends. I decided to share with both kids that I write about children who can see ghosts, and each one allowed me child to share their stories. Something magical happened after I disclosed my blog to the children; they came back to me and told me more about their childhood journeys with seeing ghosts. That trust is an amazing feeling, and I am thankful that I was chosen by these kids as their person to talk to about their sightings. What I learned from these two children is that I need to keep writing and talking to them about how dark angels are not their friends. I still need to continue to study the reason(s) that some kids get attached to ghosts and how ghosts can be important figures within a kid’s life - to them. Clearly, child two would like to keep the friendship with the ghost as opposed to permanently removing it. At times, my mental heath alarms are raised high over the things that I heard from these two children, but I still need to learn to be less transparent in my facial expressions. That might sound funny, but it’s true. None of us are perfect and it is important for me to remember that there is still a lot to learn. For example, there was one question that I was unable to answer from child two: Why Would God Allow Someone to Murder a School Full of Children? Answer: Free will. However, I still have a lot to learn. My hearts, prayers, and love go out to the Robb Elementary School Families in Uvalde, Texas. Tragic. Auditory Hallucinations
There is one population of children that I have not discussed; children who can hear voices, but I have not worked with them that often. When I do work with a child who can hear voices, I find them interesting and challenging. Separating the symptoms of mental health from a possible spiritual ability or gift, is a lot more difficult to decipher with children who can hear voices. Since I am always up for a challenge, I welcome the opportunity to determine the catalyst for the auditory hallucinations. First, however, let’s discuss a few of my experiences with children who heard voices. Then, and I will share with you how I learned to separate the two components, auditory hallucinations versus a spiritual ability or gift, toward the end of this blog. Hearing voices, also called auditory hallucinations, have been described to me as typically sounding similar to a male voice. The voice can be demanding and sometimes powerful. The voices were also described as sounding similar to whispers and seem to direct the children who can hear them to make poor decisions. For example, harming themselves and/others. I can only tell you what children have told me over the years as to the reason(s) behavior their decisions during or after hearing voices. Often, children have told me that their voices made them react the way that they did toward themselves and others. Depending upon a child's actions, as a result of hearing voices, determined the type of intervention needed, such as inpatient to outpatient treatment. I will share that the majority of the time, the intervention was typically inpatient treatment due to the child’s mental health crisis. This, along with the belief that something was inherently wrong with auditory hallucinations. Now, examples of a crisis would mean suicidal or homicidal ideation and plans which required immediate care. I have been a witness and made decisions to hospitalize children as solutions to helping them to overcome their crisis situation. What was striking to me, (still is incredible to me), is that the kids would continue to hear voices after hospitalization. They were deemed stable enough to be released from hospitalization, but still heard voices and shared those experiences with me. To be clear, the kids still heard voices but were no longer in crisis, as evidenced by their release from psychiatric hospitals. The Devil Made Me Do It Children were always willing to tell me about their experiences with hearing voices, and I was willing to listen. Here’s where it gets interesting: All of the kids shared with me that the voices were Satan. That is no exaggerations. I mean, All. Every last one of them, and some of the children did not have a religious background, which was even more striking to me. Yet, those kids mentioned that the voices were satanic. Keep in mind, I do not coach these kids, nor do I discuss religion unless they bring it up on their own, or their parents speak with me about it. More specifically, when I asked these kids about the choices that they made at the time of the event that caused their hospitalization, they would tell me, “It was Satan.” I will ask the kids questions such as, "How do you know it was Satan?" Or, "How do you know that Satan caused you to behave in the manner that you did?" Know what they tell me? “Satan has been talking to me since I was a little kid.” Are you stunned? It’s a normal reaction. Believe me, I, too, have been shocked by the responses of these children. Nevertheless, this is exactly what the children told me about hearing voices. That it is Satan and they could hear him since they were little. Possessions Also, I witnessed some kids who do not appear as themselves when listening to the voices. Or, they appear possessed with something other than themselves. Understand? If not, I will try to describe it to you.
I can sit here and recall observing these children while they were actively listening to voices thinking, this... ...Is something else and not this kid! Periodically, the children would report not remembering anything prior to their actions and shortly afterwards, only recalling the conversations that I had with them after their hospitalization. As you can read, it was easy to conclude that an altered state of mind may have occurred, and remained for a while with these kids until the episode ended. This made me curious enough to read a few articles about alleged spiritual encounters with Satan or hearing Satan's voice. Not one of them described the voices as pleasant, by the way. Some of them shared that they also had an ability to see ghosts as well. Most recently, a child told me about seeing a male ghost for many years. This ghost changed from the image of a young boy to a demon who commanded that this child behave poorly at home and school, and also harm others with objects. This child vehemently stated that this entity was Satan. Another child shared that voices heard were from Satan, but was unable to see ghosts only hear them talking in his or her ears. Both kids stated to me, “Satan makes me do it.” Validity, Yes or No? I believe these children, and that their stories are valid. Empirically proven? No, but there is no reason not to believe them. I cannot dispute their accounts, nor do I want to either. There is no reason to discredit their incidents; that is not my job, and I want them to feel open to discussing their feelings. That does not mean, however, that they do not need to be safe from a mental health crisis. Medical and mental health treatment is necessary at times, and compliance with State and Federal Laws while maintaining ethics is mandatory. You cannot listen to or witness a child wanting to harm themselves for example, without an assessment and/or interventions. There is no choice in these specific crisis situations. Even if you believe that the children are falsifying their encounters, you take action based upon their behaviors. I can tell you that there were times when I questioned whether or not the hearing of voices was true even in adults, but I did not contemplate whether or not to move forward in a mental health crisis. That includes if individuals told me, “I am just playing” or “I only wanted attention.” Put your training first before your feelings. A woman told me, "Satan puts bugs on my arms." "They are all over me." "Satan is in my head all the time and will not go away." "I hear him." After the woman said these things to me. I told her, "I believe you," as I sat on the hospital bed with her as she told me her story. She said, "Finally someone believes me." Then she told me her story. I never forgot about that woman and told many of my former students about that situation. She was not the first client to tell me that, The Devil Made Me Do It And she will not be the last! ![]() "Beloved" by Toni Morrison, 1987 Movie, 1998 Ever see this movie? I did once in my 30s, and vowed not to watch it again. It messed with my mind big time! Please know that I am a visual person, so I can imagine the hell out of movies and scare myself at times. (I don’t watch "The Exorcist" either)! Any who… Beloved was real to me. Of course, the setting is in the great State of Ohio which was not so great in 1873, the time period that the movie, “Beloved” took place. Years later as I worked with Nebulous Children, I envisioned some of their experiences with ghosts as being the same as Sethe, a formerly enslaved woman in the movie Beloved. The home that Sethe resided in was believed to be initially with other ghosts, then by her deceased daughter, Beloved. Beloved was a malevolent spirit who was angry, demanding, and throwing temper tantrums with Sethe. It reminded me of Nebulous Children who shared with me the characteristics of some ghosts that they see and talk to such as demanding voices, having temper tantrums (e.g., throwing pencils), and the way that dark spirits seemed to enjoy hanging around them. This resulted in poor decision making in some of the kids and dark thoughts. It’s a no-brainer as to the reason that some of the children were terrified of these entities, especially when some of them appear as Beloved did to Sethe. Beloved is shown in the picture. The ghost is played by the lovely Thandie Newton (I love her). I targeted this movie because I want you to watch it. When you read about my stories, I am sure that it is difficult to imagine what seeing ghosts feels like to Nebulous Children. Some people imagine that the ability to see ghosts is rosy and fun. It is not when the children are seeing and interacting with dark angels and/or being visited by them when they do not want to be bothered. Seeing ghosts can also seem interesting because we read positive stories about them, such as relatives visiting or God’s angels appearing to them. Both experiences can skew the perception of how children who can see ghosts feel, as well as how ghosts show themselves to them. Beloved, although malevolent, was initially pleasant and engaged well with Sethe. I heard from children numerous times about how pleasant ghosts were until either they decided not to listen to the ghosts demands any longer, tried to get rid of them, or grew older and less interested in their ghostly tirades. In other words, they became harsh toward the children. Also, they sought more attention from the children. For example, messing with kids at night or scaring them when they open closets. They behaved similar to pesky flies that will not go away no matter how many times you swat at them. Ghosts pick these kids because they can see and talk to them, just as Beloved focused on Sethe. In return, Sethe catered to Beloved’s needs knowing that Beloved was a ghost. Why? Because, Sometimes they are not easy to ignore. Sethe was unable to ignore Beloved, and children who see ghosts have a difficult time disregarding them too. Ghosts became friends with some of the kids, as Beloved did with Denver, Sethe’s daughter. Kids can become lonely, and ghosts befriend them. Taking those friends away can be difficult, but there are times when we must remove ghosts from children because they are not healthy for them. Child A, for example, loved to talk to ghosts. For Child A however, the ghosts were dark angels and like Denver, it was very hard to pull Child A from ghosts, but they were not kind-hearted to Child A. even when they were perceived as "nice." Casper The Friendly Ghost? Not. Even when they were "nice," they still told Child A negative things. These ghosts were not good for this child. Or, they would dissuade Child A from partaking in things that were good for Child A, such as attending therapy or going to school. Manipulation! That is how Beloved used Sethe and maintained a presence in Sethe’s life. Child A would not let dark angels go away from him/her even if you gave reasons to Child A for the dismissal of those spirits. This was also a characteristic that Sethe had with Beloved’s presence too. It took a third party, Paul D, to bring attention to Sethe’s co-dependency with Beloved to rid her of this ghost. Child A’s ghosts remained and Child A continued to call them "friends." If ghosts were always pleasant to have around, children who can see them would opt to have them around. I am sure of it. However, that’s not always the case and symptoms of mental health conditions can arise from their existence within their lives. Recall, demons are not our friends. They are fallen angels. They hate humans and want to cause us harm. Child A experienced anxiety and some behavioral concerns due to following the commands of dark angels who kept telling Child A that negative behaviors were acceptable. In return, Child A received the attention, protection, admiration, and positive reinforcement needed to continue poor behaviors from those ghosts. The relationship between Child A and the dark angels used to baffle me because this child had great parents and they gave Child A those needed characteristics mentioned above, as most parents do to their children. Nevertheless, I learned that Child A appreciated having ghosts as “friends” because they were only visible to Child A. Like secret superheroes who would protect Child A when necessary, without anyone being able to see them but Child A. Ironically, another child could see what Child A saw as Child A left our building one day. Their paths just crossed entering and leaving the building. Although I knew that both kids could see ghosts, neither child knew about the other.'s abilities and/or any other identifying information. When their paths crossed on that day, it was the second child who told me what the ghosts surrounding Child A appeared as, and described them to me. I knew that they were dark angels, but I did not realize how many ghosts Child A had around him/her, and talked to while in our building and in my care. Sethe, too, had other ghosts around her before Beloved. As I shared above, those ghosts were also removed by Paul D. After the cleansing, Sethe began to have a somewhat “normal” life with her daughter Denver until Beloved made an appearance. Once ghosts make an appearance to children, they encounter the same challenges as Sethe until they gain control over their abilities or stop the sighting all together. When I work with these children, if they do not tell me their goal(s) and/or decision(s) for how we will deal with their sightings, then I ask them. If they want to get rid of the ghosts around them, then that is what we will work to accomplish. If children want them around, then I would teach them how to control the outcome or visits. Meaning, the children learned how to keep themselves healthy if they wanted to continue to have random visits from ghosts. If those visits were unwanted, then I would teach them how to protect themselves. They would also learn how to deal with and talk to the ones that they choose to only. Remember, some kids enjoy this gift and want ghosts around. If it was not harmful to the child, there was no reason to change their opinion. I felt as if Child A was being harmed by the ghosts that she/he continued to interact with due to the decisions made in Child A's daily living due to following the directives of dark angels. I knew it was not good because Child A would tell me about it all, including, “The dark angels told me to do it.” When that happened, I would feel like something was not right with Child A or in the room where we were located. I cannot explain that emotion at all. Some say it's a sixth sense, but I am unsure. Ironically, I felt it today in the presence of another child. It’s a dreary feeling and it makes the child appear visually dark to me. The child's attitude, demeanor, spirit, and even speech is just bleak and flat. The eyes wandered around the room as if she/he saw things that I could not see or feel. I turned the lights down to match the melancholy in the room. It made the child feel safe and calm which was good because the child was far too anxious about life issues. To describe that feeling a bit, it seemed like negative energy, as if the child was emotionally drained. Sethe mimicked this behavior toward the end of the movie due to Beloved draining her emotions. Seeing ghosts is very real for some children and parents. It is not the easiest condition to deal with or to find a solution. It takes time to determine a resolution for the families, as well as patience. It is helpful to periodically remind the families that the ability to see ghosts does not have to be unpleasant for their children. It does not need to be dreadful or cause a significant amount of stress. It is not the end of the world although it may feel that way, but there can be a solution created to deal with the challenge at hand and improve their livelihood. The answer lies within how it is problem-solved. Toward the end of the movie Beloved, strategic problem-solving from Paul D is what lead to the removal of Beloved from Sethe. I, affectionately call Paul D’s fix calling upon “The Church Folk.” In reality, I have said many times that even if you do not believe in God, prayer works to provide kids with that needed normalcy when dealing with ghosts. Sethe found Sethe again. So can your Nebulous Children. Photo by: www.frockflicks.com Dark Thoughts
Child N approached me and shared that he or she was having dark thoughts. In asking what that meant, it was described as thoughts about death and hurting others violently. Child N explained that it was something that crossed the mind but would never be acted upon. As a matter of fact, Child N wanted to understand the reason that it happens, how the mind works, and if it was wrong to express it to others. This is a child whose friends also have some of the same dark thoughts and wanted to talk to me about it as well. It takes a lot of courage and strength to admit when you think differently, and to talk about it to a professional. And it is different... Why? Because the majority of people do not think about harming others. Sharing these periodic thoughts although controlled, warrants strong conversations about them. When I teach at universities, I have shared with students that people walk around us daily who are plagued with disregard for other people. These symptoms begin in childhood but cannot be diagnosed until adolescence or adulthood. At times they can lessen with age pending early interventions and control over the symptoms. Child N described those thoughts as dark which was disturbing to me. This is also a child who can see dark angels, but has not yet admitted to it. This is not a "silent child," but when the topic of seeing ghosts or checking for visual hallucinations arose, Child N's silence and deep gaze into my eyes was my evidence. I gave Child N the same eye contact for a long period of time, then we discussed "the gaze." I knew that this was another Nebulous Child. I did not ask Child N if he or she could see ghosts. This is not a common question for me to ask children, nor was it the right time to talk to Child N about it. You see, Child N was feeling me out to determine if I was a safe person to disclose his or her thoughts and feelings. Believe me, I wanted to ask because there are not a lot of children and teens who tell you that they have dark thoughts - only. Usually, there is a ghost or two in the story based upon my experiences, lol. My plan is to wait until Child N is ready to discuss his or her abilities. I am taking this route because Child N needs more rapport and trust established. With some people in general, those qualities are not instantly gained. You almost need to prove yourself worthy of it, and that is what I plan to do with Child N. However, I did press Child N about the dark thoughts for obvious reasons. For example, How often do you have these thoughts? Any plans to act upon these thoughts? In the past, I met clients who had this line of thinking who also told me how they control them. The chosen methods were typically unhealthy and I cannot share them publicly. Kids are starting to read my blogs, and I am not planting any ideas or seeds in your heads kids!! You know me! Nevertheless, the unhealthy behaviors contained their actions. As a therapist at the time, It was difficult to know that dark thoughts were kept at bay because of unhealthy behaviors (insert slap on the head emoji). treating them These children and teens took a long time to work with, but I enjoyed it. Lots of learning! Child N Child N's thought were not a threat to harm. There was no cause for action at the time of our conversation. Actually, Child N wanted to know more about why they happened. It was interpreted as a random thought by Child N. He or she wanted to better understand why the thoughts happened, and explained "I will never do something like that to anyone - ever." I understood and we discussed it. Child N learned about when I would need to breach confidentiality and the reasons. I was impressed with this child's enthusiasm to learn. Learning is exactly what we did too. We sat talking candidly about those thoughts to determine what we needed to do to decrease them, even if they were harmless ones. Nonetheless, There was a problem. It was me. I could not get over Child N's deep stares into my eyes regarding the conversation about seeing ghosts. It was bothering me especially given when I know about dark angels. It just felt like Child N wanted to share something with me. In order to help with the rapport, I shared with Child N that I dealt with many children who could see ghosts, and I owned website where I write about their experiences. I told Child N that it was ok to have a conversation with me about what "dark" meant and how it impacted his or her thoughts and feelings. There was a big sigh from Child N which was a good sign to me. I think that meant relief and the freedom to just talk without feeling scared or judged. Child N hesitated... It reminded of the way that Child B used to hesitate in our 1st few encounters not knowing how I would react to learning about the ability to see ghosts. Child N however, thought that by telling me more about the dark thoughts, that he or she would be hospitalized. Child N was savvy enough to learn on his or her own that some Psychologists are doctors can hospitalize people. Well, Child N was correct but that fear warranted an entire explanation about the role of the Psychologist in schools. Admittedly, that reservation was the opposite of what I thought it was, but we worked through it. The lesson here was to be patient with children and unravel their reservations with time without assumptions. I am still a work in progress! Conclusion I'll keep you posted as to whether or not Child N can see ghosts or not, and if his or her friends can see them as well. Remember, there are a group of children who have dark thoughts and they are all planning to talk to me about them. A group of children with dark thoughts or considering anything dark gives me pause. Remember kiddos, Dark angels are not your friends kids! We have a lot to discuss, about this topic so get ready. ![]() Just Ask Assumptions arise when we fail to communicate our thoughts and feelings. Assumptions are easy answers. Easy answers seem feasible and justify our hypotheses. Most of the time, we do not test out our hypothesis; we keep them as if there are no other alternatives. That response allows us to believe that our hypotheses are correct ones, which can be problematic. Holding onto our own hypothesis without regard for other options is troublesome. We do not make room for our hypotheses to be tested and wrong, which stops them from changing. Some believe that they possess correct answers all the time. Life taught them that the sun rises and sets with their ideologies. Some of these individuals refuse to alter their thoughts which maintains their stance in relation to their life encounters. That line of thinking justifies their attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts in most situations. This confirm their beliefs and they stand by their learned behaviors, incorrect doctrines, and push others to fall in line with their nonsense. Anyone who goes against their viewpoint is imperfect or flawed which causes them to find fault with individual differences. It also makes them cowards; too fearful to understand the world as it is now. I observe this type of behavior daily. Others have tried to impose it on me as well. The perpetrators willfully ignore or fail to realize the wound that their behavior inflicts upon others. Not to mention, an apology is not allowed. This is how they interact with people. The automatic thoughts and assumptions drives their decisions about how to interact in life, and at times it is inappropriately. For example, negative beliefs about someone's success, capability, and qualifications due to race or sexuality. It's that implicit bias that drives the mind, as opposed to getting to know someone better. What they see if what they believe. What they heard reigns supreme. But their assumptions guide their actions. Actions have consequences. Get to know a person. Just ask. It is not that hard except, do not become insulting. "What is a woman?" (Insert rolling eye emoji) These thought processes and actions can lead to unavoidable consequences such as, legal matters and physical altercations. Out of all of my experiences in psychology, the worst situation I witnessed dealt with a student and an office assistant. The outcome of an assumption was a physical altercation between the two individuals. The student’s assumption was that it was appropriate to bully and intimidate the office manager. The student presumed that the office manager would not physically protect him or herself due solely due to the student being a minor child. This situation did not end well. The student, being the aggressor, was suspended from school. The office manager retained employment, but not without negative aftereffects such as the press learning of the incident. If the student did not assume that the office manager was defenseless, this would not have happened. A larger issue of course, is with the student not respecting individuals in authority. Assumptions are harmful and even more so when those negative attitudes are shared with others. Sometimes I just want to sarcastically ask people, How do you know? Did you...Just ask? Sometimes, there are no penalties for negative assumptions inflicted upon another. Some treat others poorly because they are cruel and feel entitled. Most of the time, they are aware of their own nonsense, but when they have the opportunity to cause pain, they do it. This cycle of negativity is gratifying for them. On the other hand, some have good intentions. Think of those who work with populations of people that they oppress. I have had people tell me that they understand being African-American better than I do because, "I've been working with black people for years." (insert another eye roll emoji here) That means these individuals have a better vantage point with understanding a population. You know, those who believe that they are aware of what a group of people needs without asking said population. Think of all of the elderly caucasian men who were in congress, (some still are in congress), who believe that revoking a woman's reproductive health rights is what is best for them. Men who will never know what it is like to have a menstrual cycle, a baby, or get rapped. Men who do not have a vagina yet know what should be done to it. Men who did not consult with one woman on their cabinet when all they needed to do was to, Just Ask that population about their needs. Just Ask, Nebulous Children Nebulous Children are a population that I adore. The key to working with Nebulous Children is to, Just Ask Questions When it is appropriate to just ask. More times than not, we can be hurtful toward Nebulous Children by not asking them about their experiences, as well as their feelings. If you just ask a Nebulous Child specific questions, then we will avoid believing negative stereotypes such as, “They are crazy.” I asked a Nebulous Child recently, “What is this experience like for you?” The response gave a very detailed description of the features and characteristics of sightings. It almost felt as if I could see the ghost too, based upon the vivid account given by this child. This led to more questions and a decrease in my own stereotypes regarding this particular child's ability to see ghosts. What I mean by stereotypes was my assumption that this child’s visions and experiences were similar to other Nebulous Children. Occasionally, that is my own supposition which I am learning to become more cognizant of when encountering Nebulous Children. None of us are perfect, and this Nebulous Child reminded me that each experience from a Nebulous Child is unique. It forced me to remember not to interact with Nebulous Children in accordance with another children's experiences. Nebulous Children are individuals and I need to treat them as such each and every time. See? Breaking free of stereotypes and assumptions is not that difficult if you want to change. If you do not want to alter your thinking, you will miss out on interacting with great people. Categories may be the same, (e.g., Religion, skin color, and sexuality), but you can learn the characteristics of a person. Internally, you can benefit from just asking instead of assuming. Here are some tips:
“Be The Change That You Want To See.” Dedicated to Ketanji Brown Jackson. I see you. Congratulations! #blackgirlmagic Photo Courtesy of Time Magazine BY MADELEINE CARLISLE AND ABBY VESOULIS UPDATED: FEBRUARY 25, 2022 10:42 AM EST ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: FEBRUARY 25, 2022 10:07 AM EST Introduction
When you learn how to work with Nebulous Children, that learning will transfer onto other children when faced with an adverse or alarming situation. You begin to recognize symptoms that can be indicative of a variety of mental health impairments. You will know what interventions need to occur to improve a child’s livelihood. Increased knowledge can help you to recognize when a child is being afflicted with symptoms of mental illness, (e.g., moodiness, cutting, worry behaviors). Then, the recognition of other symptoms or challenges that may be contributing to that child’s difficulties. Teasing out symptoms of mental illness versus the ability to see ghosts has not always been easy but was completed for many children. Child M is an example of how I was able to distinguish between mental health versus the ability to see ghosts. Introducing Child M Child M’s behaviors were odd to me. There is no other word to describe it. "Odd" behavioral presentations are red flags to me. Child M was a calm child with a speech impairment. A child who presented as healthy due to his or her obvious intellectual level. Of Note: Children who perform well academically in school and behave appropriately are often overlooked as having challenges with mental health. Child M was one of those kids who was ignored by others, including his or her parents. This often happens when a child does not behave in a manner that would alert the parents as something being wrong. That is completely understandable to me; however, parents should not be so quick to discount symptoms that a mental health professional observes within their child. Child M's symptoms alarmed me because they have the potential of worsening with age. As I worked with Child M, I hypothesized whether or not the observable behaviors were due to the ability to see ghosts. Reason being, it was obvious that Child M was either seeing or listening to something not visible or audible to me. How did I know? Because I have experienced this a few times in my career while working with children, and for Child M there were clear indications of one or the other happening. Put Your Mental Health Hat On I had to ask what was happening to determine the catalyst for Child M's behavior. Remember I mentioned that I refrain from asking children directly if they can see ghosts? Nebulous Children will typically tell me that they can see ghosts which is why I do not have to ask them. However, Child M’s behavior was different than what I experienced with Nebulous Children. Child M was repeating was he or she heard which again, was not audible to me. It was clear to me that Child M was having auditory or visual hallucinations and my guess was that it was auditory. I watched this child carefully to prepare my questions. I observed how he or she communicated with the auditory hallucinations; the pauses in between communicating his or her thoughts, and the infrequent eye contact while listening to or seeing what was not present. Years of experience is a great teacher. Inexperience with psychotic disorders can cause misinterpretation of Child M's symptoms. Inexperience will cause an automatic thought of Child M's symptoms being attributed to thought processing and determine that this is not problematic. The inexperienced clinical needs to seek consultation from more seasoned mental health professionals if encountering a child with visual and/or auditory hallucinations. Ask clinically-related questions! Conduct a structured clinical interview. If a behavior is extreme which in this case it was, create your hypotheses as I did. Observe the behaviors. Child M's pauses were extreme; occurred after each verbal statement, and happened in correlation with the mumbling of words to whatever he or she was seeing or listening to prior giving a verbal response or answer. This was not considered normal communication. A 3rd party was involved in this communication who was not in the room. In this case, I did ask directly, "Who are you talking to?" Child M was listening to a variety of voices that he or she was hearing. The voices are what he or she wad listening to when pausing for extended periods of time while communicating. Child M did not like talking to anyone about the voices. I said, "A lot of kids talk to me about things that they see, such as ghosts. I hear a lot of things from children. I am a safe person to talk to about the voices. You can trust me." That brought a lot of comfort to Child M, and even smiles which was a newly observed behavior. At that point, Child M shared a significant amount of information with me about the voices. This included the number of voices heard, names, and the length of time that they have been heard. Child M was a “silent child,” who isolated him or herself, had no social circle of friends, and did not include his or her parents in knowing about the voices mentioning, "You are the only person that I’ve told (about the voices)." Child M smiled and took a deep breath. "There are numerous voices." Each voice was not pleasant. One voice; the main one who had a name, protected Child M from the other voices. Many of the voices were mean and scared Child M. Child M stated that the mean voices are typically quiet and fearful of the main voice. The main voice had a conversation with me. The main voice also quieted down as I spoke to Child M about what these symptoms mean and how we can work to decrease the voices. Child M tried to get the main voice to respond after I discussed disclosure with parents, but Child M shared, "The main voice is quiet now." "Of course, it is quiet now! I am preparing a plan to help you." Child M began to trust me. Please know that a Nebulous Child would recognize this voice as being a dark angel and would tell me. I have witnessed this in the past between a Nebulous Child and a sibling who heard voices. Nebulous Children can also hear ghosts and they sometimes talk to them. According to Nebulous Children, dark angels disperse when I am present because I pray for protection. Could this be the reason that this voice quieted itself to Child M? I have no idea, but that was my past experience with Nebulous Children and it seemed to assist me with giving Child M some peace. I encouraged Child M to share this information with his or her parents. I appreciate having parents work with me to assist their children. Parents 1) Therapy
2) Interventions
Conclusion Child M bothered me. The voices concerned me. The parents not knowing about the voices troubled me. A parents’ rejection of mental health treatment or intervention services for their child... …baffles me. Demon Names
Recently, a child said to me, "I know it's initials, it showed them to me." This was a 1st for me. I was taught by a Pastor that it was good to know a demon's name because they all have one. When you know it's name, call it by their name and remove it. Demons hate humans knowing anything about them from their names to their demonic tasks against us. Tasks meaning their assignments to destroy humans. Although I always remembered learning this from that Pastor, but I never encountered a child who learned the name of a demon by asking it or seeing initials. This child, however, did see the initials and told me about it. I think I was kind of shocked and sat there for a minute listening to she/he tell me more about their most recent encounter with a demon. I asked, "What are the initials? The child told me the answer and I said, "Wow." I was honest and I mentioned to this child what I learned from the Pastor above, but had not encountered anyone with this type of knowledge. Until that moment, this was unheard of for me which is why it was so fascinating. As we talked, I learned the physical description of this entity and this child was fully aware that this was a demon. Remember, older children call dark angels demons - to me. She/he admitted that it was a scary and dark presence, but did not talk to she/he or harm she/he at all. It just stared at she/he and continued to walk around the room. That probably would scare any Nebulous Child. I had a feeling that she/he's family home had quite a bit of paranormal activity after listening to several stories of ghost sightings. She/he has siblings and they, apparently, can all see ghosts. I spoke to one of the siblings and together, both children experience paranormal sightings and activity within their home. This stops them from entering into certain rooms within their home. Each child is terrified to go into those rooms after seeing what they described as scary-looking and dark demons. These siblings did speak to their parents about the visions and apparently, one of their parents saw one of the entities as well. The children shared that it freaked that parent out! This parent was initially skeptical, but as the sightings continued to occur, the parent softened to it and started to help to get rid of the ghosts. The other parent believed the children upon the first report of the sighting from the kids. This parent easily tells the stories of the paranormal activity and is not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that it happens to their family. Despite knowing about the entities within their home, both parents agreed that it is not easy to just pack up and move residencies. Ironically, the parents are also not afraid of demons and they decided to fight back against them with prayer, holy oil, and teaching Biblical principals to their children. This is not something that I taught them, FYI, but what they decided to do on their own to help their kids. A few weeks ago, I asked the children if they still see demons in their home and they said, "No, they have not come back." I mentioned to this child that they would not come back because they are not allow to do so, after she/he's parents cleansed the home. Despite that cleansing, I warned that it did not mean that she/he would not see more ghosts in various places that are not cleansed which lead this child to admit, "I know. I see them at school and other places." "I see ghosts all of the time." "Some are God's angels, I can tell." I asked if the demon with the initials paid a visit to she/he again, and the answer was no. I also wondered if that demon was in my office as we chatted, (recall that some of them try to do that when I am with the kids), and she/he said no. That's good! When this Nebulous Child is around me, we talk a lot about the history of she/he's ghost sightings and what they mean for this child. Keep in mind, this child is NOT my client. This is a child who attached to me, for some reason, and now we chat frequently. She/he has seen ghosts for many years and can control the visits with the assistance of she/he's parents. I listen to the stories and at times clear up some of the potential curiosity about interacting with those demons. I also make sure that she/he is being proactive about protecting him or herself from the manipulative tactics that demons can do to children. Parents of Nebulous Children Rarely have I encountered parents who quickly believe their children's ability to see ghosts are true, and take action. The moment that the kids above disclosed this information to their parents, their parents started the cleansing process that they felt would help their family. I did not know this family when the paranormal activity started for them but I surely was proud of them. I would like to see you start a process to improve this plight for your Nebulous Children as well. Although we may not have the ability to remove this ability from your children, we can improve their daily living. What I share with you on my blog to help children cope with their ability to see ghosts, is what helped the children under my care. It will, however, assist your children too. Your religious preferences are a moot point to me. In practice, this is what I witnessed worked to improve a child's mental health, academic standing, behavior patterns, and social/emotional functioning. This blog pertains only to Nebulous Children and does not mean that you either ignore other challenges with your children such as anger, inattentiveness, or any medical condition. For example, a child can see ghosts and still have ADHD. Or, a child can still have a medical condition and continue to see ghosts. I have diagnosed children with ADHD who can see ghosts, and we worked on both areas in treatment. Seek qualified medical doctors and therapists to address other needs for your children. My stories and solutions pertain to Nebulous Children who have persistent problems with their ghost sightings. Yes, I worked with children who became consumed with their ability to see ghosts, and made wrong decisions due to manipulation from their visions. Some of those same children had other obstacles outside of their ability to see ghosts. Still, I will tell parents to seek alternative treatments including medical when it is necessary and appropriate. My focus for this blog, however, is to tell Nebulous Children's stories about their ability to see ghosts - only. The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis I highly recommend that you read The Screwtape Letters. This book was given to me by a Pastor to read in order to understand Satan. If you are reluctant to learn about Satan, then you are vulnerable to his steady path of manipulation. Learn by way of this book, Satan's standpoint in teaching a younger demon how to destroy a human's life. I learned a lot from reading this book, including why demon names are important. My former Pastor had a vision for teaching me not to be afraid of demons when I encountered them through children, or when children told me that they see dark angels/demons. On this blog, I mentioned that this happened a lot to me early in my career, and my Pastor's plan seemed to include educating me in preparation for what I would experience. This book is not a fun read. It was not fun to write for C.S. Lewis either according to quotes of his interpretation of this book; his book, and it will make you put it down for a second. It will also make you consider some of the things that you have done in your personal life. Do not let those thoughts make you stop reading The Screwtape Letters especially if you are working with Nebulous Children. I read this book years ago, and I think I will read it again for a refresher. The Nebulous Child above has numerous stories that I am planning to share with you. Although this child has seen some of God's angels, rarely does she/he discuss those angels more than demons. Secretly, I am planning to change that narrative. This is why I have to be educated and armed when working with Nebulous Children. It is also why you should be aware and armed as well. You will come across a Nebulous Child or Adult. Be Prepared! Child L
Some children are angry. It feels as if every other child that I encounter is angry. In some situations, I tell the kids yes, I would be angry too but that is not how you appropriately cope with your anger. Let’s explore a few questions from parents that I received about their perceived angry children:
I met Child L and quickly realized the amount of angry in this child's eyes, demeanor, words, facial expression, and other body language. The child was enraged and as I told Child L, "I would be angry too." Some kids are born into shitty environments. Period. And I do not mean low socioeconomic status either because very wealthy people can be shitty to their kids as well. You all know what I mean; parents who do not give a rats ass about their children. Child L was one of those kids whose parents failed to care about their child. Left Child L to survive on the streets with no food, water, or shelter. Of course when the parents finally decided to help, Child L wanted no parts of them and was violent in making the position known. There had not been a lot of people who validated Child L's emotions, but I did and said you know what, "Just be pissed off." There's nothing wrong with being pissed off at the world. We have to normalize the feelings of children. As I told Child L, the problem is when those feelings become harmful to themselves and others. When bad choices are being made as a result of being angry, and when kids are not taught where to put those feelings and how to use them to feel better. Then, they make unhealthy choices to cope which is what Child L was doing to develop ways of feeling better emotionally. This was a child whose parents failed at parenting and created an environment for this child to fail as well. Environment Many children experience life events too early. There have been encounters with children where I thought, I cannot believe this child experienced these (events) so early in his/her life. From being witnesses to murder to finding ways to survive homeless. Many are quick to judge a child’s level of anger without first hearing their story. Other people automatically place blame on the parents which is unfair. In Child L's case, child abandonment is a parental failure. However, I have worked with many children who were raised by love and caring parents with strong financial backing. Many parents do the best that they can, and have the best intentions for their children. Children, however, can be easily influenced by their peers and sometimes steer in a direction that their parents would never dream of, or assume that their child would be a victim of that circumstance. Nevertheless it happens, and it is not always attributed to poor parenting or mental health. Angry children, if their emotions are severe enough, are brought to mental health professionals for assistance. An angry child's emotional stability can improve if the child is willing to accept help. Accepting help can be problematic if the child rejects it. Children and especially teenagers, defiantly, do reject assistance from mental health professions and other adults who want to help them. Even with parental encouragement, children and teens may not participate in improving their own mental health. Sadly, more and more children harming themselves and I am not referring to suicide. I am speaking of cutting behaviors. Other harmful behaviors include:
"What do I do to help my child?" Parents Are parents responsible for their child’s level of anger? Not always, and it depends upon the family dynamics. More times than not, however, parents have been responsible for the development of their child’s anger. I have heard parents say, “Well good, my child should have beat her up!” Or “The teacher deserved to be cursed out and hit in the mouth.” I hear parents telling their kids things such as, "Why the fuck do you have on those shoes, I will slap you!" I mean, what type of nonsense is this from parents to their kids? Keeping it real? No! What you are doing is training your kids to be aggressive. Believe me, these same kids run to school and ask teachers, "Why the fuck should I do math?" Or, "fuck you" when their cell phones are taken away due to school policy violations. Then, their parents curse out the school staff although they agreed to a cell phone policy, for example, in front of THEIR CHILD. So, what did that parent just teach their child? That violence is ok and when you are violent, you get your way...
Hold on, before you start judging... I was a student in East Cleveland, Ohio. We had to grow up tough and strong. Still, "Our parents respected school staff, and made us do it too." When I was a kid, there was no way that I would be still here typing this blog if I had of done something so egregious as hitting a teacher or school staff member. How about an adult in general? What happened to teaching our children to respect themselves and others? I look at parents at times and ask them directly why they believe that it is ok to teach their kids that the only way to resolve a problem is with verbal and physical aggression or violence? And, what happened to the community that raised all the kids? The parents in my old neighborhood were ALL of our parents and would discipline us along with our parents. Yet, some parents that I am observing are either upset when other parents intervene or attempt to fight the other parents themselves for intruding upon their child’s rights. Discipline
Learned Behavior I am a Behaviorist. There is a lot of research about anger in children (and adults). Anger is a learned behavior from my theological perspective, and it is modeled to children. Learning to express anger inappropriate can be learned from parents and others within a child’s environment. There have been times that I have validated kid's feelings by telling them that their anger is justified. Anger is a normal reaction. We all get angry. Many children have learned to be reactive while angry, and have bee supported for that type of behavior which allows them to feel as if it is acceptable. It’s not. It is a disservice to teach children ways to inappropriately manage their anger. Replacing that anger with healthier ways to respond in while angry is the best course of action not just for the current situation, but for a lifetime. Angry children will grow up to become angry adults who teach their own future children the same lessons, and the cycle continues. How to Overcome Anger The process begins with acknowledging that your child is angry. It is perfectly fine to admit that the anger and consequences of that emotion are causing challenges within your family’s daily life. One of the largest issues that I have observed amongst families dealing with anger children is not knowing what to do about it. Angry children can be challenging but not impossible to work with to improve their emotional regulation, functioning, and behavior. Each child is different, including their plight, and it is important to remember to ask a lot of questions about anger management to the professional designated to treat your child’s symptoms. In choosing a therapeutic professional, make sure that person’s specialties match your child’s needs. For example, choose a therapist whose specialties and therapeutic skills are well-matched with anger management. More than likely, your angry child would also benefit from a behaviorist which is someone who can help to create a behavior plan for your child at school or to consult with you to address the management of your child’s behavior, even at home. The most important issue, however, is Do not to give up on your child. Early intervention is a must! As children learn and grow, their behaviors tend to improve. Try not to wait to receive assistance or deny that outside help is needed. That is a common mistake because the earlier you intervene with a child’s academic and/or emotional stability, the better the outcome. Parents, I want you to make sure that you actively participate in your child’s treatment plan and all Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meetings and services if your child has an IEP. Read your documentation and legal forms, and make sure that you understand what will happen to your child and the outcome. What I do not appreciate, is when some parents solely rely on the schools and other professionals to guide the course of treatment without your input, participation, and questions. You… must know the treatment, and comprehend those treatments for your child. Your therapist will encourage you to participate. Please do so. Finally, I highly recommend Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for angry children (and adults) and parent training. CBT is an empirically validated treatment for many types of mental illness, but works to improve disruptive behavior patterns, targeting emotional regulations, and social-problem solving. Resolving anger in children needs that tri-pattern approach to treatment and yes, parenting training is also a part of that transdiagnostic approach. Also, look at Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I have recommended this for some children as well. I am a fan of the technique for explosive children and adults. How Does a Discussion About Angry Child Correlate with Nebulous Children? As I observe an increase in the number of angry children, I also hear about them discuss being able to see ghosts. Child L is a Nebulous Child. It is as simple as that, and those same children told me that ghosts have told them to do harm to others or will not leave them alone. Child L has this story and is angry. Child L is not the first child with both challenges. Is there a correlation? I think so. Do I have proof? Not empirically. However, do you have proof that these visions of ghosts are NOT causing these kids to be angry? Probably not. But, I do welcome your opinion. Recently, a child said to me,
"Sometimes when I sleep at night, I feel something pressing on my chest and I cannot get up no matter how hard I try." This child asked me what this meant because they did not understand it. Consequently, numerous children and adults have told me that they feel as if "something" is pressing on them while sleeping. At times, to the point of being immobile as they are waking up. They shared not being able to move and it causes them to loose sleep. Some have seen dark entities on top of them and walking in their bedrooms or where they were asleep as it was happening, including roaming around the room. Their depictions of this event looks very similar to this picture above, (Photo courtesy: www.livescience.com), and it terrifies the people who have expressed concern about it with me. Many of them want to learn if they have sleeping disorders, or if these are truly demons that are causing this disturbance. As a safety precaution, I would always refer these individuals to Neurologists and Neuropsychologists who specialize in sleep disorders. That is not an area of my expertise, although I have trained in neuropsychology enough to know about sleep disorders. When I trained, I learned a significant amount of information and even psychological testing for sleep disorders. These stories, however, stretch beyond the scope of what I learned to assess and diagnose during my time in neuropsychology. Now, these individuals could have been experiencing a sleep paralysis which usually occurs during rapid eye movement (REM sleep). Usually, we are dreaming during that part of our sleep cycle, and the muscles are paralyzed. Does that explain why some people see and feel a presence on their chest? Some literature states that this maybe caused by hallucinations that can occur during REM sleep. However, what made Nebulous Children stand out to me was the fact that they not only saw the entity on their chest, but also walking in their rooms. They described these apparitions clearly to me. I am not sure how a doctor would test this scientifically in the brains of Nebulous children and adults to affirm their sightings and/or tactile sensations, but I would love to know. What I do know is that these children are sometimes horrified and searching for solutions. Older children, similar to Child J, are adamant about a dark presence when this happened to them. As Child J shared this same experience with me, there was a clutching of the chest and turn to the side of the room as if to avoid the visual. Why? "It's scary. It's dark ghosts/demons" Being paralyzed during sleep is scary enough, but visions of demons as this happened is beyond terrifying to the victims. Some reported to me as seeing them floating/hovering over them as they were trying to move their bodies as well. Some researchers attribute this phenomena to hallucinations, brain sensations (phantom limb), disturbances to a sense of self (body image) and brain activity, signals from the motor cortex of the brain causing paralysis, and other chemical changes. I do not negate science because psychology IS a science, but I do question a few of the explanations for example, the serotonin justification and similarities to lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) causing the alleged hallucinations. Despite a few scientific explanations, I pose a few questions: Why do so many people experience this same type of paralysis? With visions of the paranormal? And, sensations of something sitting on them? Then, they cannot move? If it was just one story, the maybe I would fall back exclusively to science. However, most scientists know that not some experiments fail and others cannot be thoroughly explained with science. For nebulous children and adults, this problem involves demons. Many people are convinced that they can dispel thoughts and visions about ghosts from Nebulous individuals. Again, when something is abnormal to others we have a tendency to attribute the cause and solution to science. Meaning, if we cannot prove it scientifically, then it does not occur and/or it cannot happen. There "must be" a scientific explanation. That, until you have numerous children (and adults), give you the same story. A very young child said to me, "I'm scared." "It sits on me." "I can't get up." "It goes in my basement" "It follows me to school." A teenager mentioned, "My eyes were open and I saw it." "I always see it on me." "I cannot get rid of it." "It wakes me up at night." "I can't move, it sits on my chest." "I can't call my mother to help me." "It grabbed me." "It stops when I pray, or call out Jesus's name." This phenomena happens over and over again to many people. All who have told me about their experiences said, "This is not sleep paralysis." What do you think? Thank you...
I have a lot to say. I am very, very happy and overwhelmed by the amount of children that are opening up to me about seeing ghosts. What's so cool is that now, more and more adults are sharing their experiences with me as well. I am grateful to all of you so, Let's keep this blog going!! Child J Me: There are a lot of disturbances in your house; too many, and we need to do something about it. Child J: Yes there are, and I've seen at least 4 ghosts. Me: Yes, I'm concerned. I don't think that they are angelic because you are afraid of them. Child: Oh I won't go in the attic or the basement. I saw something in that attic and it scared me, basement too. Me: Can you see anything around me? Child: Yes, but it's blurry - white. Me: I've been told that before, ok. Who is the ghost in your attic? Child: I don't know. Me: Is it a male? Child: Yes. Me: Hunchback? Child: Yes. How did you know? Me: I don't know. I can see it in my head. Child: It's clear, I saw through it but it is scary. I don't want to see it again. Me: Well, let's work on how we can make it go away. Child J: Ok. The shadow man has not come back. Me: He won't (Mom cleansed the home with holy oil) Introducing Child K Me: It's ok for you to talk about ghosts here. I understand. Child K: I've always seen ghosts. I saw a few of them. Sometimes they look clear and yes, I know about dark angels. Yes, dark angels. They look like they have wings. Me: Children have talked to me about dark angels. Child K: Yes, dark angels are demons. Oh yes, demons. Me: Smaller children will call them dark angels. Child K: Um-hum little kids. Me: Can you see anything around me? Child K: (Looks at me and smiles) Yes. Me: How many? Child K: Two Me: Two what? What gender? Child K: Two angels, one girl and one boy. Me: (smiles) Will they talk to you? Child K: (looks down, partially closes eyes) Yes. Me: How many? Child K: One Me: (smiles) Which one? Child K: The boy. Me: What did he say? Child K: He said, "Hi." (laughing) Me: That's correct. (*The female has only spoken to one child and one parent in my care.*) I want you to read my blog, "The Angel in the Tree," when you have a chance. Child K: Ok. Me: Where is the female? Child K looks at me closely and looks at the side of my head. Me: Right here? Child K: Yes, very close to you. Me: Yes, she stays close to me I hear. (smiling) Similarities to Other Children As you read the above conversations, can you point out similarities mentioned in my earlier blogs? For example, the number of angels that children shared with me that are around me. Remember how I stated that I test the children to determine if they are being truthful or not using myself? Try not to forget that I learned about the spirits around me from other Nebulous Children throughout the years. Those children all stated the same things that Child K shared with me about the two angels. Specifically, that the male is the one who talks to them (he likes children a lot). Of course, children and teens can now read this blog, but I have other ways of ensuring that they are truthful. I asked Child J and K about other things to confirm their visions. Child J gave me more information about ghosts, as Child K did, but I am not fully ready to disclose those details yet. Both children were correct and I thought, these two are Nebulous Children! Conclusion I will continue to talk to these children because, as they stated, they have a lot to tell me. Both have allowed me to share some of their stories with the public. Consider this the beginning and I will break down each conversation live on my podcast which can be found at this website: https://drlisaligginschambers1959.podbean.com. I really appreciate these children, and others who have reached out to me to better understand their special gifts. Keep in mind, I was blown away, as I always am, by the details of their stories but also their answers to my questions. Yes, I still get shocked but I do not show it to the kids. The difference with these two children is that, they are not my clients. Only beautiful children who have attached to me and come to talk to me about their lives. I always joke with these kids and tell them in my pretend irritated voice, "What do you all want again?" That voice and pretend annoyance makes them laugh. The last time that I saw them I said, "Why do all of the children who can see ghosts come to me??" Child K: Because you're a good person, I just know it. You glow. Me: (smiling) I've heard that from children. To all of you... here we go again. And, I am here for it! Dr. Lisa loves the kids! ![]() Child J On numerous occasions, Nebulous Children have spoken to me about a dark male figure who visits them at night in person or in dreams. He wears a dark suit, a black top hat, has been said to have red glowing eyes, and he has a ball and chain around his ankle. I did not think too much about it until recently. A few times within this blog, I did write about this same dark figure, when it was seen by children. A few weeks ago, a child described the same entity to me again. I thought back to the times when other children had reported this same sighting to me, and wondered if there was a connection. My curiosity remained just that a thought, until a therapist contacted me about child who shared the ability to see ghosts with her and described the exact same same figure. Still, I did not think anything too much more about it. Then, live on my podcast two weeks ago another therapist discussed her client as having the same image: A man with a top hat and a black suit who appeared as if he was from the 18th century. I thought, what in the world? I heard that from children too years ago, and now I am hearing it again? What is the connection? Two weeks ago, I was sitting with another child who I knew could see ghosts. Remember, I do not ask unless I have a reason to do so and did not question this child about it. However, I already knew about it because this child's mother randomly told me. Nevertheless, it is up to children to decide whether or not they want to talk to me about it. This is an older child and as we were establishing rapport, here is a paraphrase of the conversation: Child J: I can see ghosts and so can my siblings. Dr. Lisa: Oh Yeah? I'm listening. You can tell me. Child J: Well, once I saw a dark spirit walk across my room. Dr. Lisa: Really? No way! Child J: Yes, it was dark and had on a black suit with a large black hat, a top hat like you see in old movies, and red eyes. Dr. Lisa: That' scary. Child J: I was under the covers! I tried to make sure it did not see me, but I think it did see me looking at it. Dr. Lisa: What did it do? Child J: Walked across my bedroom. It looked at me, then looked at my siblings as it walked across the room. But it was real tall like 7 feet tall. Dr. Lisa: How did you know the height? Child J: Cause my door (frame) is about 7 feet tall and you have to be real tall to reach the top. This ghost had to duck under it to come into our room. Dr. Lisa: I see. That is tall. Child J: Yeah and once he was in there, I saw it. It had a ball and chain on its ankle and it just walked across the room and out of the window. Dr. Lisa: It didn't see you looking at it did it? Child J: No I don't think so, but he might have because when he came in, I was scared so I was peeping at it from under my covers. Dr. Lisa: When it left the room, what did you do? Child J: I went to sleep. I was too scared to get up. Dr. Lisa: I understand, I would be scared too. Did your siblings wake up? Child J: No, they were asleep. It looked at them though, and left out of the window. Dr. Lisa: I believe you. I've heard of this dark ghost before from other kids. We will have to talk about it more when I see you again if that's ok? Child J: Yes that works. I saw the whole thing. Dr. Lisa: I know you did. The Shadow Man After listening to the podcast caller's description of her client's image of the ghost, and Child J's sighting, I started to conduct some research. My mouth hit the floor while reading through article after article about this same sighting from countless other people. I guess in my mind, I tend to think that these experiences are unique to the children under my care only. I thought back to movies where you will see a dark shadow of a ghost in a top hat, as well as on movies such as a "Haunted Mansion" and "A Christmas Carol," and also on cartoons similar to "Scooby Doo Mysteries" to name a few. It made me think about something that I mentioned on my podcast, "None of the stuff seen in movies is just made up." "Those producers have seen ghosts and write about their experiences within those tv shows, movies, and cartoons." Think about "The Sixth Sense" from 1999. My research led me not only to articles about The Shadow Man, but also a place in Missouri where there is a sighting of the same figure at an AirBNB. It is interesting that the location is in Missouri right? What I began to understand, however, is that there is something to The Shadow Man. First of all, he is called The Shadow Man which is something that I would never have known on my own. He is also reported as being involved in sleep paralysis and nightmares. Now, remember I mentioned that I thought there was a connection between sleep disorders and dark angels? Yes. I still do. Google, the man in the top hat, shadow people, or the hat man. The results are interesting and I spent awhile reading them. There is also a documentary: "The Hat Man: Documented Cases of Pure Evil" on Amazon Prime Video. This is a shared phenomena from many people regarding the mystery behind this mysterious entity, according to Amazon Prime, and I am intrigued enough to watch it. Why? Because I have heard about him for many years from Nebulous Children. Take a look at the article and news story below. I am still very shocked. I am still learning about The Shadow Man. I have to learn more about the location in Missouri. Photo Courtesy:: https://www.ranker.com/list/phantom-hat-man-facts/erin-mccann https://www.theweek.co.uk/97457/who-is-the-hat-man-the-nightmare-shared-by-dreamers-across-the-world?amp https://www.foxnews.com/travel/haunted-house-airbnb-missouri.amp |