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APRIL IS CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION MONTH

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month

4/1/2025

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April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. For more information, please read my latest article for the online edition of Psychology Today. Here is the link:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spotlight-on-special-education/202503/april-is-child-abuse-awareness-and-prevention-month
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Q44: Ethics and the Examination to Test Aspiring Psychologists: Navigating Fairness, Validity, and Responsibility in Psychology Licensure

8/28/2024

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Graduate School
My first required course as an aspiring psychologist was ethics. l had to learn the Ethical Principles of Psychologists and the Code of Conduct by the American Psychological Association (APA). This was my first doctorate-level class, and I felt a sense of safety in the psychology field due to Principals D and E from the section, General Principals:

Principle D: Justice
Psychologists exercise reasonable judgment and take precautions to ensure that their potential biases, the boundaries of their competence, and the limitations of their expertise do not lead to or condone unjust practices.

Principle E: Respect for People's Rights and Dignity
Psychologists are aware of and respect cultural, individual, and role differences, including those based on age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language, and socioeconomic status, and consider these factors when working with members of such groups. Psychologists try to eliminate the effect on their work of biases based on those factors, and they do not knowingly participate in or condone the activities of others based upon such prejudices.

Code of Ethics
Recently, I started a literature review about the licensing standards for aspiring psychologists. I found a significant amount of evidence in research that highlights a seemingly disregard for Principles D and E not only in relationship to the development of the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology (EPPP), but also the high rate of failures for aspirants. Psychologists are required to uphold their ethical principals, (pursuant to the Code of Ethics), and given the research to support significant problems with the EPPP, I fail to understand the lack of ethical accountability to those who create this examination and mistreat aspirants. Therefore, this blog discusses issues in the APA Ethics Code that relate to this examination and how they can been seen violations, particularly for fairness, equity, and bias.

The Introduction and Applicability section states, “The Preamble and General Principles are aspirational goals to guide psychologists toward the highest ideals of psychology." It also reads, "Although the Preamble and General Principals are not themselves enforceable rules, they should be considered by psychologists in arriving at an ethical course of action." Yet, the design, implementation of the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology (EPPP), and disparity in passing rates may conflict with ethical guidelines and seen as violations of the APA ethics code. If research shows problems with the exam, if the number of White licensed psychologists is significant higher than BIPOC licensed psychologists and if aspirants and licensed psychologists raise ethical concerns about the equity of this exam, my questions are as follows:
  • What has APA done to address these issues to, "arrive at an ethical course of action?"
  • Has there been investigations by the APA for possible ethical violations against aspiring psychologists by those who create and support this exam?
  • We cannot harm the public, but can harm our own aspirants in this field?

How the EPPP May Potentially Violate the APA Code of Ethics
1. Fairness and Justice (Principle D of APA Ethics Code)
Issues:
  • The principle of fairness and justice requires that all individuals have equal access to psychological services and opportunities. The EPPP has been criticized for containing culturally biased content that may disadvantage racial and ethnic minority candidates.
  • Taking the EPPP can be prohibitively expensive for some candidates, especially when considering retakes, study materials, and preparatory courses. This raises concerns about where the exam creates an economic barrier to entry.
What Can Be Seen as a Violation:
  • If the exam disproportionately affects minority groups due to biased questions or scenarios that do not consider cultural differences, it undermines the fairness and inclusiveness mandated by the APA’s ethical standards. This can lead to lower pass rates for minority candidates, limiting their access to licensure and professional opportunities, which violates the ethical principle of justice.
  • Financial barriers violate the ethical principle of equity by making it more difficult for individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds to enter the profession, exacerbating inequities within the field of psychology.

2. Nonmaleficence and Beneficence (Principle A)
Issue:
  • Psychologists are ethically obligated to do no harm (nonmaleficence) and promote the welfare of individuals (beneficence). The high-stakes nature of the EPPP, combined with repeated failures, can have significant mental health impacts on candidates, including stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. 
What Can Be Seen as a Violation:
  • By placing excessive stress on candidates and potentially delaying or preventing licensure for those who are otherwise competent, the EPPP may inadvertently harm candidates. This could be considered a violation of the duty to protect the well-being of individuals, especially given that the test does not always clearly assess real-world competencies.

3. Competence (Principle B)
Issues:
  • Psychologists are expected to ensure that they are competent in their work, and the APA Ethics Code emphasizes the importance of accurately assessing competence. The EPPP has been criticized for focusing too much on theoretical knowledge and not enough on the practical skills required for effective psychological practice.
  • There is a lack of transparency in how the EPPP is developed, scored, and validated. Without sufficient transparency, it may be difficult to ensure that the exam is fair and just, potentially violating ethical standards related to responsibility and accountability.
What Can Be Seen as a Violation:
  • If the EPPP does not adequately assess the practical competencies necessary for psychologists, then it could be seen as failing to uphold the principle of competence. This could lead to the licensure of individuals who may not be fully prepared for practice while preventing competent individuals who struggle with test-taking from entering the profession.

4. Respect for People's Rights and Dignity (Principle E)
Issues:
  • The APA Ethics Code stresses respect for the dignity and worth of all people, including ensuring that psychological practices are free from bias and that diverse populations are treated fairly. Critics argue that the EPPP may not fully consider the experiences of individuals from different cultural, linguistic, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
  • Some argue that the EPPP may contain culturally biased questions, disadvantaging test-takers from diverse backgrounds. If the test disproportionally affects minority candidates, it could be seen as inconsistent with the APA’s commitment to avoiding harm and ensuring fairness.
What Can Be Seen as a Violation:
  • If the exam's content or structure disproportionately affects minority candidates or those from underrepresented groups, it can be seen as a violation of this principle. Failing to respect and accommodate diverse backgrounds in the testing process infringes on the dignity and rights of these individuals to have equitable access to the profession.

5. Validity and Relevance Issues
Issues:
  • Content relevance is an issue since the EPPP may not adequately measure the practical skills necessary for competent psychological practice. If the exam does not align well with the actual competencies needed for practice, it might violate the ethical principle of ensuring that assessments are valid, reliable, and relevant to the purpose they are intended to serve (Standard 9.02).
  • Test use and interpretation can be an ethical violation due to concerns with the EPPP’s limitation for accurately predicting who will be a competent psychologist. If the test fails to adequately assess professional competence, it could be seen as violating ethical standards related to the appropriate use of assessments (Standard 9.02).
What Can Be Seen as a Violation:
  • If the exam's content or structure disproportionately affects minority candidates or those from underrepresented groups, it can be seen as a violation of this principle. Failing to respect and accommodate diverse backgrounds in the testing process infringes on the dignity and rights of these individuals to have equitable access to the profession.

​Conclusion 
Public evidence to suggest that the APA has conducted formal investigations into potential ethical violations related to the EPPP was not found in my literature review. However, the EPPP has been criticized for potentially violating key principles of the APA Code of Ethics in numerous research studies. Nationally, there is a disparity amongst races in the psychology workforce and only 4% of licensed psychologists are Black (2% are Black psychiatrists), (The Black Mental Health Survey Report, 2022), which should be seen as an ethical violation due to unfairness. Other issues such as justice, competence, nonmaleficence, and respect for diversity all highlight the need for reforms.

Ultimately, "if we are in the profession of identifying inconsistencies and incongruences, identifying pitfalls and areas for growth, and then providing the skills (and moreover the accountability) to our clients to result in effective change, should we not hold ourselves to the same standard," asks Dr. Charles R. Rohr, II, Licensed Clinical Psychologist. The high failure rates impact the profession since there is a shortage of mental health professionals which harms the public, as evidenced by the Health Professional Shortage Areas identified by the Health Resource and Services Administration. The APA can investigate external licensing bodies and the examination and licensing practices for the EPPP to ensure that the exam is both equitable and valid. Addressing these ethical concerns upholds the values of the psychology profession.

Resources:
www.apa.org/ethics/code
abpsi.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/The-Black-Mental-Health-Workforce-Survey-Final.pdf;
​data.hrsa.gov/tools/shortage-area/hpsa-find

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Q43: More Than Just A Rainbow, Celebrate Pride Month

7/2/2024

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PictureImage by Franz P. Sauerteig from Pixabay
A Friend
​A close friend of mine's daughter had suicidal thoughts because she is a lesbian. My friend embraced her child. She reaffirmed her love, empathy, and support. Being a lesbian did not matter. Today, this child has completed college. This experience prompted me to expand my knowledge and research about suicidal ideation in LGBTQ+ children and youth. It was when I realized, I had to do more for LGBTQ+ children and youth. Each year, I devote time to celebrate Pride Month.

Did you know? According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ young people are not inherently prone to suicide risk because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but rather placed at higher risk because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society.  The Trevor Project’s 2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People found that 41% of LGBTQ+ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including roughly half of transgender and nonbinary youth. These numbers are gravely disturbing to me as a mother, clinician, and human. No one deserves to feel disrespected for embracing themselves, which is why I celebrate Pride Month. 

Celebrate Pride Month
Embracing the spirit of Pride Month is a time for joy and celebration. We honor diversity and inspire hope for LGBTQ+ children and youth. It is a reminder to help them grasp their true selves while celebrating their uniqueness. Even if you have mixed feelings, you must commemorate Pride Month because it offers numerous benefits that can positively impact the development, understanding, and acceptance of diversity in LGBTQ+ children and youth. 

Celebrating Pride Month is about honoring the history, achievements, and contributions of the LGBTQ+ community while advocating for ongoing equality and rights. History teaches LGBTQIA+ children and youth to build their intellectual, social, and emotional development which helps them to develop their identity and inspire future generations. Pride Month is saluted through this blog by sharing several key aspects of why the LGBQ+ children and youth should be celebrated:

1. Commemoration of LGBTQ+ History and Struggles
Pride Month, observed in June, commemorates the Stonewall Riots of 1969, also called the Stonewall Uprising, which was a pivotal moment in the LGBTQ+ gay rights movement. Remembering the Stonewall Riots, where LGBTQ+ individuals protested against police brutality and discrimination, marking a significant turning point in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights. Honoring activists and leaders who have fought for LGBTQ+ rights and visibility is inspirational for me. It also challenges stereotypes and misinformation about the LGBTQ+ community. Examples of LGBTQ+ community activists that can be shared to empower LGBTQ+ children and youth include:
  • Harvey Milk
  • Barbara Gittings
  • Billie Jean King
  • Marsha P. Johnson
  • Laverne Cox
  • Pete Buttigieg
  • Amanda Stenberg
  • Rebeka Bruesehoff

2. Celebrate LGBTQ+ Identity and Culture
Attend Pride celebrations including parades, festivals, or other events. Create your own Pride celebration at home with decorations, music, and activities. Another way to celebrate is to affirm a child or youth's identity by using the their chosen name and pronouns. This acknowledges and supports their choice. Regularly tell LGBTQ+ children and youth that their identity is valid, important, and something to be proud of along with other positive affirmations. 

"Pride Month is one month, but inclusion is a daily way of celebrating the LGBTQ+ community," says Dr. Jason P. Chambers, Associate Dean for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, College of Media, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. Other ways that we can show LGBTQ+ children and youth that we support them everyday can include:

1. Normalize Conversations About Diversity
  • Use language that is inclusive and non-discriminatory in everyday conversations.
  • Avoid making assumptions about gender and sexual orientation. Model respectful and affirming behavior.
  • Make these daily conversations as natural as any other topic.
  • You need to be content with normalizing the idea that being LGBTQ+ is just one of many ways to be human.
  • Ensure that LGBTQ+ individuals and stories are represented in books, media, and educational materials used in the home and classroom.

2. Provide Support Without Singling Out
  • Offer support and resources to LGBTQ+ children and youth in a way that respects their privacy. Please do not single them out; this hurts. 
  • Empower LGBTQ+ children and youth by providing them with tools and resources to feel confident and self-assured without drawing undue attention to their identity.

3. Encourage Friendships and Peer Support
  • Encourage friendships and peer support groups that include LGBTQ+ and non-LGBTQ+ children. Mixed groups help normalize diversity. 
  • Plan activities and games that are inclusive and promote teamwork and cooperation among all children and youth.
  • Connect LGBTQ+ children and youth with older LGBTQ+ individuals who can serve as positive role models and mentors. 
4. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment
  • Ensure that home, school, and community environments are safe and welcoming. Also, establish and enforce anti-bullying policies.
  • Surround LGBTQ+ children and youth with supportive adults, (i.e., teachers, family members, and community leaders) who can provide guidance and affirmation.
  • Participating in parades, festivals, and other events that highlight LGBTQ+ culture, art, music, and contributions. Participate in Pride parades and festivals that celebrate LGBTQ+ identity with colorful displays, music, and performances. Promoting the visibility and acceptance of LGBTQ+ identities and celebrating the diversity within your community.
  • Encourage LGBTQ+ children and youth to express themselves through art, music, writing, or other creative activities. This can be a powerful way to explore and affirm their identity.
  • Support LGBTQ+ children and youth in exploring their personal style, including clothing, hairstyles, and other forms of self-expression. You may not always agree; however, you can support individual differences. 

5. Advocacy for Equality and Rights
  • Advocating for the legal and social rights of LGBTQ+ individuals, including marriage equality, anti-discrimination laws, and equal access to healthcare
  • Educating the public about issues affecting the LGBTQ+ community and advocating for policy changes to address these issues.
  • Incorporate LGBTQ+ topics into the child’s education, including history, literature, and social studies. Use age-appropriate materials that include LGBTQ+ characters and themes.
  • Building and strengthening support networks within the LGBTQ+ community and with allies.
  • Embolden allies to show their support and stand up against discrimination and prejudice. 

6. Provide Access to Resources and Support
  • Consider providing access to LGBTQ+ affirmative counseling or therapy if needed. Mental health professionals can offer support and coping strategies.
  • Connect with LGBTQ+ organizations that offer resources, support groups, and community events for children and their families.
Conclusion
While everyone is unique, we all share much in common. Together, we can model inclusive behavior and demonstrate respect and acceptance in all interactions with LGBTQ+ children and youth. We can help LGBTQ+ children feel proud and confident in their identities. This support lays the foundation for a healthy, happy, and celebrate themselves daily, not just during Pride Month. 

​Resources:
The Trevor Project: www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/facts-about-lgbtq-youth-suicide/
History: www.history.com/news/stonewall-riots-timeline
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Harvey Milk: milkfoundation.org/about/harvey-milk-biograph
Barbara Gittings: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Gittings
Billie Jean King: www.billiejeanking.com/
Marsha P. Johnson: marshap.org/
Laverne Cox: lavernecox.com/
Pete Buttigieg: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Buttigieg
Amanda Stenberg: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amandla_Stenberg
Rebeka Bruesehoff: www.rebekahbruesehoff.com/about

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Q42: Summer of Self-Care: Own Your Relaxation

6/1/2024

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Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay
Summer Plans?
Summertime offers the perfect opportunity to slow down and take a break. So, is relaxation at the top of your list for this summer? If not, this should be a priority for you. Your children are out of school, the days are longer, and it is warm outside. Did you walk today? If not, take some time to spend being active. It's essential to learn to relax because your mental health depends upon it.

I know that you believe that you have life under control; however, that is an unrealistic expectation about how life your life works. None of us are perfect people, and we are not capable of taking charge of every aspect of our lives. Examples include: Failure and mistakes. When failure happens, we learn from it and grow and if not, we should. What is interesting is when emotions arise because many believe that it is better to hide them which is unhealthy for our bodies. Each of us needs relaxation to release. When we do not grant our mind and bodies with the opportunity to "let go," it will remind us of what it needs to function and regulate itself. To have optimal functioning, you must seriously consider tranquility and loosening your need to be in charge of all aspects of your life. The consequences to our bodies can be detrimental and here are some reasons why calming yourself must become as vital as your physical health:
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  • Stress Reduction
    • Cortisol Levels: Relaxation helps lower cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Chronic stress and high cortisol levels can lead to a host of health problems, (i.e., weakened immune response).
    • Mental Health: Regular relaxation can alleviate symptoms of mental health conditions, improving overall mental health.
    • Mood Regulation: Relaxation promotes emotional stability by helping to regulate the production of stress hormones which leads to a more balanced mood and improved emotional well-being.
      Resilience: Regular relaxation can increase resilience, making it easier to cope with daily stressors and recover from adverse events.
  • Improved Sleep Quality
    • Sleep Patterns: Relaxation techniques promote better sleep which is crucial for cognitive function, mood regulation, and physical health. Grab a notebook at night and write all of your worries onto paper, then let them go to fall asleep. Put that cell phone away!
  • Enhanced Immune Function
    • Immune Response: Chronic stress weakens the immune system and relaxation bolsters the immune system by reducing stress hormones and promoting a state of homeostasis. Many of you have chronic colds and viruses due to stress.
  • Cardiovascular Health
    • Blood Pressure: Relaxation lowers blood pressure and reduces stress on the cardiovascular system. Take this seriously; stress can cause serious health problems and death.
    • Heart Rate: A relaxed state leads to a lower heart rate, which is beneficial for cardiovascular health and longevity. Heart disease is the number one killer of women, especially Black women. 
  • Muscle Tension Relief
    • Physical Tension: Stress often leads to muscle tension and relaxation reduces muscle tension, alleviating pain and discomfort. Muscle cramps?
    • Physical Recovery: Relaxation supports muscle recovery by improving blood circulation and reducing inflammation. Numbing? Talk to your doctor.
  • Improved Cognitive Function
    • Focus and Concentration: Relaxation techniques, such as mindfulness and meditation, enhance focus, concentration, and overall cognitive function. Inattentiveness is not always due to ADHD!
    • Memory: Relaxation supports the brain's ability to process and store information, improving memory and learning. Forgetting your keys?
  • Hormonal Balance
    • Endocrine System: Chronic stress disrupts hormonal balance, affecting everything from reproductive health to metabolism. Relaxation helps restore hormonal balance, promoting overall well-being.​ Ladies over 50, your symptoms are not always due to perimenopause or menopause, talk to your doctors about your concerns. 

Your Personal Struggles with Relaxing
My own struggle is with stress is lack of sleep which is due to menopause for me. Meaning, at times I am chronically tired. What about you? Work is typically a topic reason why we do not relax. Many of you work on days and nights when you are not even being paid! Remember, a job will replace you pretty quickly if needed. I want you to take the time to learn more about yourself by determining why relaxing is challenging for you. Create a list of those road blocks. Once you have your list of obstacles, write how they help you. If they are not helping you, then of course you need to change them because you are hurting.

Let's fix this problem. Start by establishing boundaries. For example, if work-related tasks is your stressor then define your specific work hours and stick to them. Take the emails and Teams messages off of your phone for the weekends, or turn off the notifications. Make a rule for yourself that you will not respond until the new work day begins. Add deep breathing and other relaxation techniques to your daily regimen (i.e., I add prayer to mine). Other strategies that fit with your unique needs can be incorporated as long as you abide by them. By understanding what blocks your ability to relax, you can learn how to effectively unwind and rejuvenate, especially after a long work day. Find what works best for you and make relaxation a regular part of your daily routine. Improve your mental health! 
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Image by Charizsa Timkang from Pixabay
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Q41: How to Beat the Winter Blues

12/26/2023

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PictureImage by Arifur Rahman Tushar from Pixabay



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Cover Photo Credit: pixabay.com/photos/road-trees-snow-cold-ice-frost-4730553/

Winter Blues
Fall and winter can be hard seasons to cope with year after year. Some get sad knowing that the end of the summer marks the time when the temperature and daylight begin to change. The winter blues typically starts in the fall and winter seasons, when daylight hours are shorter. Feeling the winter blues does not necessarily mean that you have a mental health condition. However, the best way to determine that answer is to consult with a mental health professional who can assess and recommend appropriate interventions about your thoughts and symptoms.

The fall and winter holidays can worsen these feelings for you. Memories of loved ones combined with cold weather and the early darkness in the sky does not help. Although Christmas is my favorite holiday, I do dread the dark skies and cold weather. You would think that I would be used to it being a Midwesterner, right? I am, but it does not mean that I do not want 90 degrees and an eternal summer (hello California). If your are overly consumed with your feelings and they are interrupting your daily living, or you are feeling hopeless and helpless, then you need more specialized care. I want you to pay attention to your symptoms. Personally, I conduct what I call "self-introspection" for myself especially in the fall and winter. What this means is that I focus on "self-checks" because I can get in my feelings and become annoyed and/or irritable with the darkness as the seasons change too. My personal self-introspections consist of the following:
  1. How is my energy level? Am I more tired, bored, or lethargic that typical?
  2. How's my overall health? Vitamin D, exercise, and relaxing?
  3. Am I sleeping ok? At minimal 8 hours? If not, take a nap to compensate.
  4. What are your eating patterns? Am I gaining weight? Is it due to eating more carbohydrates?
  5. When does your mood fluctuate? Put strategies in place to change your mood.
  6. Can you concentrate and if so, is it productive? If not, put interventions in place to fix this problem.
  7. How are you finances? I also check my finances to determine where I need to improve them.
  8. Did you tell someone how you feel? If not, talk. You must socialize with others.

You can do the same thing(s) in order to check your winter blues, and to begin to unravel where you determine the problems. The one issue that I repaired for myself this fall and winter is to exercise more often. I mentioned on a live video that I bought a walking treadmill. I use it daily, at minimal twice per day in 30 minutes intervals up to one hour. Soon, I'll be weight training as well. The other pattern that I repaired was to socialize more often with loved ones and friends. Like you, I get wrapped up in my immediate family and career that I am sometimes guilty of leaving out socializing with close friends and other family members. 

Beating the Winter Blues
One thing that mental health professionals may fail to tell you is that you need to normalize your feelings. We are too busy diagnosing symptoms instead of humanizing your experiences combine with teaching you to cope better with them. Society tells us not to cry, especially men. Others will make you believe that feeling down, or having the winter blues, makes you weak or not as strong. I am sure that you have heard, "Suck it up" and move on. Not ok! There are people who seem to repress their feelings (yes, neurotic) and avoid them. Try not to do that because our bodies are designed to not only feel our feelings, but to handle them. What it cannot cope with is an overabundance of feelings because we withhold them. It causes chronic ailments (i.e., sickness, anxiety) and/or we learn to use unhealthy methods to make our bodies calm down (i.e., excessive drinking during the holidays). Instead, allow your body to manage your feelings and to let it become emotional. For example, if you have lost a loved one, why not cry if it hurts? If your girlfriend left you right before Thanksgiving, why not feel irritable about it? If you lost a job, why not panic and feel your rapid heartbeat or worry behaviors? Your Instagram smile is only real if you feel the joy that comes from it.

Sometimes, society can make us feel as if we are unstable if we mourn over a loved one for too long or show that life issues attack and hurt us (i.e., job loss). However, we feel better when we feel: "I just needed a good cry." Heard of that one before? I have many times and it works to restore balance within our bodies, as well as emotional stability. For example, I rarely get angry but when I do, I allow myself to feel it for as long as I need to until it starts to go away on its own. Disclaimer: Do not take your anger out on others. I internalize my anger, write it down, cry if needed, think, talk, and when it dissipates I am ok and feel better. You can allow yourself to feel the winter blues and recover from it. To help, add interventions to your end of the summer routine to help you prepare for your winter blues. Here are some recommendations that I share with my personal friends and family:
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  1. Light Therapy (Phototherapy): I keep a light box at home just in case it is needed. The bright light will simulate natural sunlight to increase melatonin and serotonin levels to improve mood. Get out in the sun when it appears - take a walk in it, I do.
  2. Establish a Routine: Maintain a consistent daily routine and regulate that internal clock. Get more sleep if needed. Proper preparation!
  3. Vacation or Getaway: Some of my family members celebrate the holidays on vacation in areas full of sunshine in the winter. Exposure to natural sunlight can have positive effects on mood.
  4. Make a Healthy Diet Your Lifestyle: Eat a well-balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Omega-3 fatty acids have mood-boosting effects.
  5. Create Happy Experiences: Do fun activities with friends and family. My family has several traditions that we do throughout the holidays from traveling in various cities for winter fun to baking cookies in order to bring joy/happiness into our home during the winter.
  6. Prayer: I constantly pray for myself and others. (I do not see one client without praying for them).
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lisaligginschambers.com
Our cookies made you smile, right? Training your brain during your winter blues can be easy. Focus on you first to inspect and determine where you need work, then make it happen. Along the way, make sure that you remind yourself that it IS acceptable to allow your body to heal by being emotional. (Cry when needed or punch a punching bag) Then, create a yearly plan to include interventions to prepare for your winter blues (this is no different than preparing for difficult family members at holiday parties). Once you increase your awareness of your winter blues, intervene, and prepare for it, you are learning more about yourself, your emotions, and ways to improve your winter blues. Most of all, your joy/happiness begins to surface which is what you want to happen not just in the fall and winter seasons, but for your lifelong journey.
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Image by Annette from Pixabay
Merry Christmas to You and Yours!
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Q40: Ladies, "Let GO!"

12/1/2023

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'Let GO!"
​It is December 1st at 3:45am. Like some of you, I am just not sleepy or tired. Instead, I am thinking how many times did I have to "Let GO" of a person, job, and/or other things that seemed toxic in my life or did not fulfill me? Plenty of times from men to friends and in previous places of employment. Throughout the years I learned that self-satisfaction and happiness were priorities in my life. Not to mention, my self-satisfaction and happiness helped me to remove individuals and things that were not helpful. Sometimes it was hard, but necessary and worth it. When I reflect back, my choice to "Let GO" allowed me to receive the many blessings that came to me in the future. How did I "Let GO?" Life lessons is how I "Let GO" and learning from them as opposed to allowing myself to get sucked back into the same patterns and situations. Your life is your own journey and a testimony to others. There is no better time like the present to choose wisely and make changes for the New Year. We will discuss How to "Let GO," and what to do After You "Let GO!"

How To Let GO
Are you tired yet? Or, mad? If you answered no, then you will continue your unhealthy lifestyle. You can have what you want out of life if you change your thought processes. At times that means showing your emotions or allowing them to occur to feel distress. Many of you withhold your emotions as if there is something wrong with doing what the body does naturally - being emotional. On the other hand, changing your thought processes means setting new goals and following through with them. What's stopping you from letting go, but you? Let's explore a examples from comments that I have seen on social media to demonstrate how we can be toxic to ourselves with regard to our decision-making keeping us in bondage:
  • "I want to go back to school." 
    • It is not money for school that is stopping you because those with less money get the most money financed for school. How can this obstacle be changed for this person?
  • "I want to get married."
    • If he is not ready to get married but you are, why stay? You cannot force a man to marry you, nor should you. What steps can you take to move forward in this relationship for your life?
  • "I want him out of my life."
    • You want him out of your life; however, you allow him back when it is convenient for you??? You are sending mixed messages to yourself and him. How can you make a firm decision here and stick with it?
  • "I want to have children."
    • Why wait if you want them? You may be in a relationship with the wrong person; or, you two are not equally yoked. If this is your dream, why allow someone to stop you?
  • "I want to date only women."
    • If you only want to date women, why hide it? Be your true self and love who you are ladies. Make a plan to change your lifestyle to one that fits you.
Sometimes, we allow others to dictate our lives. For example, I repeatedly hear or read women say, "I'll wait until he is ready to get married," but functioning with a man as if they are already married. Contrary to popular belief, there is a difference in multiple ways from being a girlfriend versus a wife. So, why should he marry you if you already function as if you are a wife? That allows him to control goals that you want and have set for your life. Make sense to you? If he is not ready for marriage, you do not have to stay, and wait on him to change while taking care of him instead of yourself. It is ok to "Let GO" and decide how to live for yourself to make YOU happy.

​The inability to "Let GO" starts with why we remain in relationships and situations in the first place that causes us distress. This is influenced by a variety of things, such as our family history and childhood, personality traits, emotional connection, and societal expectations. We do form strong emotional bonds with others, and letting go may feel like losing a part of ourselves. My first heartbreak was in college and it was awful. Believe me, I understand. For some of us, letting go often involves stepping into the unknown, which can be intimidating. People prefer the comfort of the familiar, even if it is causing them distress. Investing a significant amount of time and effort into a particular relationship or situation may be a catalyst for staying stagnant in relationships and situations because it feels like acknowledging that the investment was not worthwhile. Some individuals may also feel societal pressure to maintain certain connections, even if they are no longer healthy. Letting go can be tied to their sense of self-worth or identity. The idea of moving on from a situation or person might be perceived as a reflection of personal failure or inadequacy. People may hold on because they hope that the situation or relationship will improve over time. The belief that things might get better can be a powerful motivator to persist despite challenges. This one can be dangerous as well, for a victim of domestic violence. Lastly, I know that once I was hurt in college, I did not want to go through the grieving process again over another person which caused me to stay in a relationship a bit longer although I knew it was not right for me. Letting go can be a process of grieving, especially if it involves the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a significant aspect of one's life. Grieving is a natural and necessary part of the healing process.

What I did to Let GO was to start being realistic with myself while observing signs, symptoms, and patterns in people, jobs, and situations based upon what I learned from my previous failures. It is similar to keeping a mental rolodex about those things that gave me pause in relationships and situations. When they caused me to pause, I paid attention and started to think about what was happening. Pausing was used as a trigger for me to make a decision to stay and tolerate behaviors and issues or walk away without returning. A pause is an instinct not to be ignored. I stopped denying my instincts and leaned into them which is how I learned to "Let GO" even in a place of employment. As of today, if I pause it means that my instincts are telling me to listen. Then, I do comply with them. If someone walks into your life with the same patterns that you had in another relationship and you recognize the toxicity, that is your signal to stop and not move forward with that person by letting go. Staying hurts you more than experiencing other options that can possibly give you the life that you deserve. Let GO!

​After You Let GO
This depends upon the circumstances; however, the benefits exceed the potential outcome of staying in toxic situations. It opens you up to personal growth, emotional relief, space for new relationships and opportunities, increased self-awareness, improved physical and mental health, freedom from toxic relationships, acceptance of change, renewed focus on priorities, and inner peace. You will be an entirely new you while developing your personality and characteristics because,
  • You will confront and overcome challenges and foster personal growth and resilience. This is self-discovery and learning.
  • You will have a sense of emotional relief. It might feel like a weight has been lifted, allowing for a greater sense of peace and well-being.
  • You will open up space for new experiences, relationships, and opportunities to enter your life creating positive changes and growth that may not have been possible while holding onto the past.
  • You will self-reflect and self-exam your priorities to lead to a better understanding of oneself, one's values, and what truly matters in life.
  • You will release negative emotions and stress that can take a toll on both mental and physical health which will reduce your anxiety, and improve your mood, and overall well-being.
  • You will aim for healthier connections to surround oneself with positive influences in social relationships.
  • You will accept that change is a natural and inevitable part of life to allow you to adapt to new circumstances and develop resilience in the face of uncertainty.
  • No more distractions or situations that no longer serve you. You will focus on your priorities and goals while increasing your focus, productivity, and a sense of purpose.
  • You will have a sense of inner peace. You can do this through prayer, living in the moment, or by way of your own journey. Learn to live in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
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Q39: Old Moms

11/4/2023

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Image by Валентин Симеонов from Pixabay
My Story
I remember feeling panic when I found out that I was pregnant with my last child. I was surprised with an intense fear about giving birth at 41-years-old! On one hand, I could have said, "It all still works," but I thought... "How did this happen at my age?" I know, just go with it... Not to mention, my Obstetrician-Gynecologist (OB-GYN) kept saying things to me like,

  • "You're very advanced maternal age."
  • "We have to watch your blood pressure."
  • "You will deliver at this hospital because they have emergency support for advanced maternal age pregnancies."
  • "After you deliver, you will need a colonoscopy, mammogram, and etc."

Ok stop! My attitude was, "I AM NOT OLD!" Haha. "Stop talking to me as if I am 80!" It drove me insane especially because I thought, my crap works! Most of all, the baby and I were just fine. Yeah, I was fertile so watch out folks once you hit 40! Also, please know that I adored my OB-GYN and she took very good care of my "old butt" over a decade ago. (If you are in St. Louis, I will link her information at the end of this blog). However, it was hard for me to believe that I was being considered as very advanced material age; I felt so good and healthy, I guess I just never felt advanced. Honestly, I ignored all of the noise about being at a very advanced material age and just cared for the baby and I as we traveled through the next 32 weeks. My pregnancy was smooth; there were no concerns, and I delivered a healthy baby. Amen!

"Old Dads," A Netflix Film 2023
I will not tell a lie. When I saw this film was released on Netflix, I did not not plan to watch it and Bokeem Woodbine is one of my favorite actors. For the life of me, I could not understand why Bill Burr and Ben Tishler thought of developing a comedy about old dads. I mean, men can have babies until they are 90-years-old if they want to but old moms take all of the physical risks associated in pregnancy after age 35, according to Cleveland Clinic. I mean, what do old dads go through that merited a film about it? Why did they choose men and not women? I went on and on with negative thought processes and irritated myself (laughing) because not only do I adore Bokeem, but I also like a good comedy. So, it made sense for me to watch it, and I did. 

The movie definitely showed the differences between old dads and moms in general, and I was delighted for the producers to show old dad emotions during the pregnancy process. Dramatically done, yes, but expressed in every aspect of their situation. Nevertheless, it seems as if I was not too far off about my initial hesitation about watching the film. Old moms face the emotional aspect of being very advanced maternal age, but also the physical process of the pregnancy while old dads, the emotional portion of it. Old dads can certainly take the pregnancy just a shocked as we do, but the movie depicted them as being confused jerks which was odd to me. 

Old Moms
I read a lot about child development in graduate school. During my pregnancy, I viewed many articles about how the age of mothers impacts children. I learned that advanced maternal age can have both positive and negative effects on children. Understand that the age of a mother is just one factor among many that can influence a child's development, and the impact of being an older mother varies from family to family. Here are some potential effects:

Positive Effects:
  • Stability: Older mothers may be more financially stable, which can provide a secure and comfortable environment for their children.
  • Emotional Maturity: Older mothers often have greater emotional maturity and life experience, which can contribute to a stable and nurturing home environment.
  • Support Systems: Older mothers may have established social networks and support systems that can benefit children.
  • Education and Resources: Older mothers may be more likely to have completed their education and have access to educational resources that can be beneficial for their children.
  • Intentionality: Older mothers have often had more time to think about and plan for parenthood, which can lead to more intentional parenting.
  • Life Experience: Older moms often have more life experience and wisdom, which can be valuable in raising children.
  • Prioritizing Parenthood: Some older moms have had more time to prioritize and prepare for parenthood, making them more intentional and dedicated parents.
Challenges and Considerations:
  • Increased Health Risks: Older mothers may be at a higher risk of pregnancy-related health issues, which can indirectly affect their children.
  • Age-Related Parenting Challenges: Older mothers may face physical and energy-related challenges when raising young children.
  • Age Gap: The age gap between older mothers and their children might result in different interests, needs, and generational gaps.
  • Long-Term Health: As older mothers age, they may experience age-related health issues that could affect their ability to care for their children.
  • Social Stigma: Some children of older mothers may face social stigma or questions from peers about their mother's age.
  • Extended Caregiving: Older mothers may require caregiving themselves as they age, which can affect their children.

Summary
There are many factors that contribute to a child's development, and the age of the mother is just one of them. What matters most is the love, care, and support that old moms and dads provide to their children. A positive way of being supportive to older parents is to offer emotional support. Provide a listening ear and emotional support allowing them to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment. Validate their experiences and acknowledge the challenges they may face as older parents. Respect their choices, try to avoid imposing your own opinions, and support their decisions.

Links:
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22438-advanced-maternal-age
www.netflix.com/title/81674327

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Q38: Childhood Aggression, Part II - School

9/9/2023

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"What If My Child is Aggressive at School but Not at Home?
Since I hear this question a lot from parents, I wrote this blog to help you to determine the cause(s) for your child's aggression at school. If the aggression is only occurring at school, then your child has some control over their emotional outbursts. The key to determining the catalyst behind your child's aggression at school, is to find out the events that leads up to the aggression. Or, what precedes the aggression? Is the aggression due to their academic courses being too difficult? How about being teased or bullied? Problems at home? Childhood aggression in school is challenging for both parents and educators; however, understanding the underlying cause(s) and taking steps to manage and reduce it is key to dealing with it at school. Feel confident because you can get to the bottom of why it is happening at school, and work with your child's teacher(s) to determine solutions.

Managing Aggressive Behavior at School
Let's discuss how you can manage it at school. One of the easiest ways to do this is to communicate with your child and school personnel. This may sound cliche; however, many parents are not asking their children about their feelings, experiences, and what may be triggering their aggression. Do this while encouraging open and honest communication with your child. This helps to ensure that they feel safe when opening up to you about their aggression. Make them consistently feel heard. Help them understand that they are loved. Give them that stability. Be a presence in the school and stay in contact with your child's teacher(s). Attend school open houses and parent-teacher conferences to learn from your child's teacher(s) about their academic status and behavioral concerns. Many parents are NOT attending these events! I started being an active school parent when my children were in preschool and you must do this as well. Besides, your children will remember and appreciate the support.

Next, I want you to observe their behaviors closely while paying attention to patterns and triggers for their aggression. Help your child to identify and process their emotions by recognizing and labeling their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves in appropriate ways and assist them with strategies to manage their anger and frustration, such as deep breathing exercises, counting to ten, or taking a break. If none of this helps to reduce their level of aggressive behaviors, then consult with your child's teacher(s) and school psychologist to help you assess the underlying causes and provide guidance. Work closely with your child's teacher(s) and school psychologist to address aggression in a coordinated way. Collaborative efforts between home and school are often effective. If your child's aggression is related to a specific disability or condition, consider working with the school to consider developing an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that addresses their needs and provides appropriate support.

If you are need of a more structured approach to address and modify challenging and disruptive behaviors, you can request and approve a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) and Functional Behavior Analysis (FBA) from the school psychologist.  A BIP is a structured approach used in various settings, such as schools, homes, or clinical settings, to address and modify challenging or disruptive behaviors in individuals. BIPs are typically developed for individuals who exhibit persistent and problematic behaviors that interfere with their daily functioning and well-being. These plans are often used for children with behavioral disorders, developmental disabilities, or individuals with emotional or social challenges. Here's an overview of what a BIP entails:
  • Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA): Before creating a BIP, it's essential to conduct a thorough assessment of the individual's behavior. The FBA is a systematic process that helps identify the underlying causes and triggers of the challenging behavior. It involves gathering information through observation, interviews, and data analysis to understand when, where, and why the behavior occurs.
  • Set Clear Behavioral Goals: The next step is to define specific, measurable, and realistic behavioral goals. These goals should describe the desired behaviors that will replace the problematic ones. Goals should be individualized to the person's needs and circumstances.
  • Identify Interventions: Based on the FBA and the established goals, interventions are developed to address the challenging behavior. These interventions should be evidence-based and tailored to the individual's unique needs. Common strategies include:
  • Positive Behavior Support: Encouraging and reinforcing positive behaviors while reducing or eliminating negative behaviors.
  • Teaching Alternative Skills: Teaching the individual alternative ways to meet their needs or express themselves without resorting to problem behavior.
  • Environmental Modifications: Making changes to the person's environment to reduce triggers or stressors that contribute to the challenging behavior.
  • Functional Communication Training: Teaching the individual effective ways to communicate their needs or frustrations rather than using disruptive behavior.
  • Implementation: The interventions are put into action consistently and systematically. This may involve collaboration between family members, teachers, caregivers, and professionals to ensure that everyone is on the same page and consistently applying the strategies.
  • Data Collection and Analysis: Throughout the implementation of the BIP, data is collected to monitor progress. This data helps assess whether the interventions are effective in reducing the challenging behavior and achieving the established goals. Adjustments to the plan may be made based on the data and ongoing assessment.
  • Review and Revision: Behavior Intervention Plans are not static documents. They should be regularly reviewed and revised as necessary to reflect changes in the individual's behavior and progress toward goals. What works for one person at one time may need adjustment over time.
  • Team Collaboration: Collaboration among all stakeholders, including parents, teachers, therapists, and support staff, is crucial for the success of a BIP. Open communication ensures that everyone is working together to support the individual's needs and goals.
 
A well-designed BIP is a proactive and positive approach to addressing challenging behaviors. It emphasizes understanding the reasons behind the behavior and teaching alternative, more appropriate ways of responding to situations. BIPs should be individualized and flexible, with the ultimate goal of improving the individual's overall quality of life and social functioning. Regularly assess your child's progress in managing their aggression. Adjust strategies and interventions as needed.

Rewards and Consequences
Make sure that you acknowledge and reward your child's positive actions and efforts to control their aggression. Positive reinforcement can motivate better behavior. On the other hand, clearly communicate consequences for aggressive behavior, and be consistent in applying them. The consequences should be reasonable and related to the behavior. Addressing childhood aggression may require time and patience. Be supportive, understanding, and willing to adapt your approach as you work to help your child develop more appropriate behaviors and emotional regulation skills. 

Therapy for Childhood Aggression
Therapy can be an effective intervention to address the underlying causes and provide strategies for managing and reducing aggressive behavior. Each child is unique, so therapy should be tailored to their specific needs and circumstances. Therapy options that I typically recommend to help parents with childhood aggression starts with Behavior Therapy, as well as the other options outlined below:
  • Behavioral Therapy:
    • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA): ABA is a structured therapy that focuses on identifying and changing specific behaviors. It can be highly effective in teaching children new behaviors and reducing aggression. ABA was originally designed for children with autism; however, it is now being used to address behavioral concerns in children as well, and it works.
    • Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps children identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. It can be used to address underlying emotional issues that contribute to aggression.
  • Play Therapy:
    • Play therapy allows children to express their feelings and thoughts through play, art, and other creative activities. It can help children explore and understand their emotions and develop healthier ways of coping with them.
  • Social Skills Training:
    • Social skills training helps children develop appropriate social behaviors and interactions. It can be particularly useful for children who struggle with social situations, leading to frustration and aggression.
  • Anger Management Therapy:
    • Anger management therapy teaches children how to recognize the signs of anger, understand its triggers, and use techniques to control and express anger in a healthier way.
  • Family Therapy:
    • ​Family therapy involves the child and their family members. It can help identify family dynamics that contribute to the child's aggression and work toward more effective communication and problem-solving.
  • School-Based Counseling:
    • Many schools offer counseling services provided by school psychologists or counselors. These professionals can work with the child within the school environment to address aggression and its impact on education.
  • Group Therapy:
    • Group therapy allows children to interact with peers who may be experiencing similar challenges. It provides opportunities to practice social skills and learn from others.
  • Behavioral Interventions:
    • ​Behavioral interventions are often implemented in school settings to reinforce positive behavior and provide consequences for aggression. Collaborate with the school to ensure consistency in behavior management strategies.
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Q37: Childhood Aggression, Part I - Parenting Style

9/4/2023

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PictureImage by Александра Туркина from Pixabay
Q33: "What Can I Do To Stop My Child's Aggressive Behavior?

You need to find out the reason(s) why your child is aggressive. Is the aggression only at home? School or daycare? Or both environments? These are a few questions that I initially ask parents whose children are deemed aggressive by them. Think about it for a moment: If your child is aggressive only at home and not at school, then your child probably has some control over their behaviors, right? Do you Understand? If not, let's break it down.

What helps most children behave at school? That's right, consequences. There are consequences at school, (i.e., no recess and in-and-out of school suspensions). Your children are aware of them resulting in them behaving better at school. If your child has minimal aggression at school, then what could cause them to show their aggression at home? There can be many answers to this questions; however, you may have a lack of consistency in your rules or how you deal with misbehavior, (I.e., discipline) or consequences for your child's actions at home. What are you rules? When they are broken such as with acts of aggressions, how do you handle them? Mishandling aggression causes it to increase at home and there are steps you can take to determine the triggers that cause the aggression at home as well as school.

What Is Childhood Aggression?
Daily, I observe aggression in children. I witness children throwing objects at their parents' heads and those parents allow it to happen. Sometimes, parents argue with and sound similar to their children about the behavior, as if they are having a tantrum too. Many parents report to me as if I judge them, and I DO NOT,

"I just don't want to spank (him or her)."

Attention: Spanking a child is NOT the only way to assert discipline or structure within your home and with some children, even a spanking will not work to improve their behaviors. One problem here is that discipline does NOT start when children are 4, 5, and 10-years-old. More than likely, you are positively encouraging and supporting your child's aggressive behaviors, unintentionally, (I.e., yelling which gives your child your attention nor holding them and cuddling after they have hit you to calm them). It's simple math: (Behavior) When they hit + I cuddle (attention reinforces negative behavior) = more hitting (aggressive behavior). Attention: Your child's teacher does not cuddle your child after an aggressive episode.

Childhood aggression refers to aggressive behaviors exhibited by children. These behaviors can manifest in various ways, ranging from verbal aggression (such as name-calling and shouting) to physical aggression (such as hitting, pushing, or biting). Childhood aggression is a complex issue with multiple potential causes and contributing factors. When you support these type of behaviors, they continue and increase as children age.

Tip: Children are cute and cuddly as toddlers; however, they do grow up and you do not want this behavior from a 16-year-old teenager in your home.

On the other hand, some degree of aggression is considered normal in childhood, especially in early childhood. It can be a part of a child's emotional and social development as they learn to navigate their feelings and interactions with others. However, it should decrease as a child matures and learns more appropriate ways to express themselves. While some level of aggression is typical in childhood, persistent and extreme aggression can be concerning. Warning signs may include severe physical violence, cruelty to animals, a lack of remorse or empathy, and other disruptive behaviors. Childhood aggression. has been researched by Psychologists for many years and most agree that it can take place in various forms, including:
​
  • Instrumental Aggression: This type of aggression is goal-oriented and typically involves a child trying to get something they want. For example, a child might hit another child to take a toy they desire.
  • Reactive Aggression: This is a response to a perceived threat or provocation. A child may lash out physically or verbally when they feel threatened or provoked.
  • Relational Aggression: Also known as social aggression, this involves using social tactics to harm others, such as spreading rumors, excluding someone from a group, or damaging their reputation.
  • Developmental Stages: Aggression can vary across different developmental stages. Younger children may display more physical aggression, while older children and adolescents may engage in more verbal or relational aggression.

To stop aggressive behaviors, it takes work. It is challenging, concerning, and the approach to ending them needs to be systematic and goal-directed. Pending the age of your child, remember, improving their aggressive behaviors can possibly take several years. You cannot ignore aggressive behaviors. You need to unravel or undo the behaviors that were created and that is not something that can be done in a day. Addressing childhood aggression is crucial to help children learn more appropriate ways to express themselves and resolve conflicts. 

What is Your Parenting Style?
I know that learning to deal with aggressive behaviors can be exhausting; however, this is also the reason that I suggest to parents to start early with developing appropriate feelings and behaviors within their children. Do not allow aggressive behaviors to continue due to your child having a disability, being young, or thinking that it is a cute behavior that kids "just do." I have heard it all and collectively, your parenting style can be a catalyst for how your child learns to deal with their feelings.  Parenting styles refer to the general approaches that parents use to raise their children. These styles are characterized by the attitudes, behaviors, and strategies parents employ in their interactions with their children. These styles can have a significant impact on a child's development, behavior, and overall well-being.

​Several prominent parenting styles have been identified and studied by Psychologists. These styles can have a significant impact on a child's development, behavior, and overall well-being. Here are four commonly recognized parenting styles, though not fixed categories include the following:

  1. Authoritative Parenting (Best style): Characterized by a balance between high levels of warmth and responsiveness and clear expectations and boundaries. They are nurturing, supportive, and involved in their children's lives, while also setting reasonable rules and consequences.
  2. Authoritarian Parenting (Worst style): Highly demanding and have strict rules and expectations. They prioritize discipline and obedience over warmth and affection. They tend to use punishment as a primary means of control. Children raised by authoritarian parents may struggle with low self-esteem, social difficulties, and may be more prone to rebellion or conformity. They may also have difficulty making decisions independently.
  3. Permissive Parenting: Lenient and indulgent, often avoiding strict rules and discipline. They are warm and nurturing but may have difficulty enforcing limits.
  4. Uninvolved (Neglectful) Parenting: Characterized by a lack of emotional involvement and neglect in their children's lives. They may be indifferent, preoccupied with their own concerns, or simply disengaged from their children's upbringing. 

You, as a parent, may use a combination of these parenting styles and if you do, you are modeling those inconsistencies to your child. Your behavior directly impacts your child's development and behavior, and it is confusing for your child. Why? For a few reasons: Mixed Messages, inconsistent boundaries, emotional confusion, and conflicting expectations. When children receive conflicting messages from their parents about what is expected of them, it can lead to cognitive dissonance. For example, if one parent is permissive and allows a behavior while the other parent is more authoritarian and punishes the child for the same behavior, the child may not know which rules to follow and act out. Better yet, play the two of you against one another. My children tried this behavior when they were younger; however, we remained a united front against them and that type of manipulation against us. 

Inconsistent parenting also causes unclear boundaries in children. Children may not understand where the limits are and how they are expected to behave. This inconsistency can lead to frustration and anxiety for children. Different parenting styles may also create emotional confusion for children. For instance, if one parent is emotionally distant (uninvolved parenting) while the other is emotionally responsive (authoritative or permissive), children may struggle to understand and regulate their own emotions. When parents have different expectations for their children's behavior, children may feel pressure to meet both sets of expectations, even if they are contradictory. This can create stress and anxiety for the child.

Some children will learn to adapt to your type of parenting styles or a combination of them, by becoming skilled at reading each parent's expectations and adjusting their behavior accordingly. While this adaptability can be seen as a strength, it can also lead to a lack of authenticity or a sense of not being true to oneself (they will say, "I do not know who I am). Children may use the differences in parenting styles to their advantage by playing parents agains one another or manipulating situations to get what they want. This can lead to power struggles within the family. When inconsistencies are extreme or lead to confusion and emotional turmoil, work together to establish a more consistent and coherent parenting approach.

How Your Parenting Style Impacts Your Child?
You are raising an adult and not a baby. Believe me, children do grow up and you want to them to productive citizens. This will not occur if you do not teach them how to cope with their aggression. We all had to learn! One incorrect decision can cost your child a significant amount of consequences, (I.e., physical aggression or fighting at school, harming others, and incarceration). You can cause them to have difficulty making decisions when they receive mixed messages in how the world will deal with their aggressive behavior. For example, your child cannot attend school and remain overly aggressive. Your school will stop that behavior and it may not be the type of consequence that. you agree with; however, other children, as well as school staff need to be safe. I have sat in enough manifestation hearings, school suspensions and expulsions, and worked in alternative schools to know that these are real consequences for students who cannot handle the traditional classroom settings. This is also true for students with disabilities. And Individualized Education Plan (IEP) will only guard aggressive children for so long and even then, they will have consequences for their aggressive actions. By allowing aggressive behaviors in your children, they may also become uncertain about what they should do in your home causing indecisiveness and/or anxiety. Ignoring the problem can ultimate lead to feelings of insecurity in children. They may grow to feel as if you are not a reliable source of support and guidance, which can impact their self-esteem and confidence.

No One Teaches Us How To Parent
You are correct! It is a learn on the fly skill; however, allow your instincts to drive your decisions. You know that society will not accept childhood aggression because you are fully aware of the consequences. Every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for yours. Be adaptable and tailor your approach to your child to their specific needs and circumstances.  Parenting is a highly personal and individualized journey, and there are some general principles and strategies you can use to become amore effective caregivers. Consider some of these options:
  • Assessment: Assess your strengths and weaknesses as caregivers. What areas need improvement? Reflect on your own experiences and beliefs about parenting. Consider how your upbringing might influence your current parenting style. Identify specific challenges you are facing and develop practical solutions. Problem-solving together can empower your parenting skills.
  • Use Assessable Information: Read evidence-based information about child development, parenting techniques, and child psychology. Use clear and easy-to-understand language, avoid jargon and do not rely on non-credible sources on the internet.
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Develop realistic expectations about your child's behavior and development. Many of your frustrations may arise from unrealistic expectations of them.
  • Praise Yourself Sometimes: Acknowledge that being a parent is hard and praise your efforts and successes. Positively encourage one another to motivate you and move you toward your goals of practicing effective parenting.
  • Cultural Sensitivity: This is YOUR parenting journey. Although cultural and religious beliefs are important, there is no need in feeling bad if you choose another way to work with your children's aggressive behaviors. Respect and incorporate your cultural values when appropriate; however, make your own decisions about your parenting style. Base it upon your values and goals, and without guilt by doing things differently.​
  • Professional Help:​ In cases where you are struggling with serious issues such as addiction, mental health problems, or abusive behavior, seek appropriate professionals who can provide you with more specialized assistance.
  • Remember, your parenting style starts early! You've Got This!

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Q36: The Psychology Behind Cult Behavior

8/26/2023

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Behaviorism
When I was in my doctorate program, I learned about cult behavior. I also studied behaviorists such as Bandura, Skinner, Pavlov, Thorndike, and etc. Bandura and Thorndike are my two favorites not only because they were involved in the future of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), but because I firmly believe that our behaviors are learned and begin in childhood. Everything that we learn, as I always say on social media and to parents, begins on the playground in elementary school. I grew up in psychology learning about play behaviors such as rough and tumble, solitary, and imaginative play. If you observe children on the playground, you can discover why negative behaviors in children occur including bullying, as well as the type of children who follow bullies. The followers of bullies and children who played solitary were most interesting to me in graduate school.

​My mother constantly reminded me, "Have your own mind Lisa," "Be a leader and not a follower Lisa," and most importantly, "If your friend jumps off of a bridge, are you going to follow them?" I would always answer, "no" and she would reply, "Exactly." I did not realizing then how significant the latter would mean in my life as I grew into an adult. My mother was adamant about prayer, creating your own path, using your own mind, having your own wealth, and making good choices. I mimic the same principals with my own children.

​As a parent, I was never perfect and neither was my own mother. However, she wanted me to understand my worth. In return, I wanted to firmly instill in my children that they sure loved themselves, understood their worth as I do. Of importance to me is that my children will NOT compromise their integrity, especially for another person, and that person should not ask them to either.

My mother gave me the foundation to study behaviorism; unknowingly, as she was shaping my behaviors. Once I became a mother and studied psychology with a new baby in graduate school, I would often mentally regress back to the lessons that I learned from my mother and on the playground as a child. While some children gained more skills with how to bully others, and the followers seemed weak and ignorant, I also observed how manipulation led to  power. You see, even then there were certain characteristics of children who conformed to bullying behaviors and almost worshipped them.

Once I was taught the psychology behind conformity in graduate (doctorate level) school, I put the pieces together. What is happening in politics with regard to behavioral norms including cult-like behaviors is not new, nor is it a mystery. Group polarization seems to be central theme in American politics right now meaning, less independent thinking and more attitude change due to the influence of the group. Making the best choice for a group is not as important than following a specific leader despite that leader's actions. Yet, here we are in American politics and we should be embarrassed about our current political state.


"I am embarrassed."

Cult-Like Behavior
A consistent question that I see on social media that I am paraphrasing is, "Why do some people's behaviors in politics seem cult-like?" My response is that many of these individuals are opportunists, compromise their integrity, and that it is all theater. However, that does not address the question. Some of the behaviors shown in the news do remind me of behaviors that I studied surrounding joining cults. Cults meaning, the impression of worshiping a person and/or following a person despite their actions, (e.g., I see the wrongdoing, but I am going to follow that person regardless of their actions because it benefits me). Cults, also known as new religious movements or high-demand groups, are typically characterized by their charismatic leaders, rigid belief systems, and high levels of control over their members. Remember the phrase, "Don't drink the koolaid?

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Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
First, let's explore the reasons why your political observations may seem similar to cult-like behaviors. People join cults for a variety of reasons which can be deeply personal and complex. Some common factors associated with joining cults are written below, and I underlined those behaviors that may specifically address your political cult-like behavior questions:
  1. Search for Meaning and Purpose: A sense of purpose, meaning, and belonging in individual's lives can cause them to believe that cults provide answers to life's big questions and gives them a clear sense of purpose.
  2. Personal Crises: Trauma, death, and other major life tragedies a can cause vulnerable to the allure of a cult.
  3. Desire for Community: Cults often present themselves as close-knit communities that provide a sense of belonging, acceptance, and camaraderie. 
  4. Seeking Self-Improvement: Some cults promise personal growth, self-improvement, and spiritual development. 
  5. Charismatic Leadership: Charismatic leaders have a unique ability to inspire and attract followers. People are drawn to leaders who exude confidence, charm, and authority, and they may be more willing to follow such leaders unquestioningly.
  1. Unconventional Beliefs: Some individuals are naturally drawn to unconventional or alternative belief systems. Cults that promote unique or radical ideas can attract those who feel dissatisfied with mainstream ideologies.
  2. Curiosity and Adventure: The prospect of exploring new experiences and ideas can lead individuals to join cults. Some people are enticed by the mystery and excitement associated with secretive groups.
  3. Manipulation and Deception: While not a conscious choice, some individuals are deceived or manipulated into joining cults. Tactics such as love bombing (excessive affection and attention), misleading information, and gradual indoctrination can make it difficult for individuals to recognize the true nature of the group until they are deeply involved.
  4. Idealism: People who have strong idealistic tendencies and a desire to make a positive impact on the world may be drawn to cults that promise to bring about positive change or utopian societies.
  5. Loss of Identity: Major life changes, such as moving to a new location or transitioning from one life stage to another, can lead to a loss of identity. Cults may offer a new identity, (or support one through group polarization) and a sense of purpose to those who feel adrift.

The Psychology Behind Cult Behavior
Now do you understand why some individuals are vulnerable to cults? See the "behavioral" component? Let's add psychology to it and how it applies to cult behavior. The psychology behind cults is a complex and multifaceted topic that involves various psychological factors that contribute to the formation and functioning of cults. I typically start discussing individuals who join cults with the exploitation of needs. Cults often target individuals who are going through personal crises, searching for meaning, or seeking answers to life's questions. They offer solutions and a sense of belonging, and cults exploit these vulnerabilities to attract new members. They prey on social influence to manipulate and control their members, including peer pressure, groupthink, and the desire to conform to the group's norms and beliefs. Other psychological behaviors used to attract others into cults include the following:
  1. Manipulation and Indoctrination: Cults use various forms of psychological manipulation to break down an individual's existing belief system and replace it with the cult's ideology. This can involve isolating members from outside influences, using fear tactics, and employing repetitive indoctrination techniques to reinforce the cult's teachings.
  2. Emotional Manipulation: Cults often create an environment of emotional dependency, where members' self-esteem and sense of worth are tied to their involvement in the group. This emotional manipulation can make it difficult for individuals to leave, as they fear losing the community, purpose, and emotional support the cult provides.
  3. Escalation of Commitment: As individuals invest more time, effort, and resources into a cult, they may feel compelled to continue their involvement to justify their past commitments, even if they have doubts.
  4. Us-versus-Them Mentality: Cults often foster an "us-versus-them" mentality, portraying the outside world as hostile, dangerous, or misguided. This mentality reinforces the idea that the cult is the only source of truth and safety. This what is being done in politics and it can be dangerous or causes others harm.
  5. Group Dynamics: Cults create a tightly-knit group environment where conformity is rewarded and dissent is discouraged. This group cohesion can make it challenging for members to leave, as they fear losing the social connections they have developed.
Charismatic leaders of cults also isolate their members from friends, family, and external information sources that could challenge the group's beliefs. This isolation intensifies the sense of belonging within the cult while weakening ties to the outside world. Once individuals invest time, money, and emotions into a cult, they may experience cognitive dissonance—a state of psychological discomfort caused by holding conflicting beliefs or engaging in behaviors that contradict their values. To reduce this discomfort, individuals are more likely to rationalize their involvement and become even more committed to the cult.  

How To Stop Cult-Like Behaviors
Stopping cult-like behaviors is complex and needs to address psychological, social, and emotional factors. Many of you are concerned about this topic in politics and it can be a sore spot in discussions during events as well. Consider the following steps if you want these behaviors or discussions even in politics to improve:
  1. Educate Yourself: About the topics that a charismatic leader spews about topics, such as politics. Use credible resources to fact check information.
  2. Encourage Critical Thinking: Develop critical thinking skills and question information, think independently, and consider different perspectives. Offer factual information about the group's history, leadership, and controversies. Present this information in a non-confrontational manner, allowing the person to draw their own conclusions. 
  3. Maintain Communication: If you suspect someone is involved in a potentially harmful group, maintain open lines of communication with them. Be patient and non-judgmental, as cult members often become defensive if they feel attacked. Avoid direct confrontations or ultimatums, as they might push the person further into the cult's grasp. Instead, focus on building trust and understanding.
  4. Express Concern: Gently express your concerns about the group's practices, beliefs, and the potential negative impact it might have on their life. Use specific examples to illustrate your points.
  5. Offer Emotional Support: Cult members often feel isolated and emotionally dependent on the group. Offer emotional support, reminding them that you care about their well-being. Make sure that you suggest professional help if the individual seems deeply entrenched in the cult's beliefs and behaviors from therapists, counselors, or mental health experts who have experience in dealing with cult-related issues.

Conclusion
The process of addressing cult behavior requires empathy, understanding, and careful communication. If you believe the person's safety is at risk, do not hesitate to involve relevant authorities or professionals. Ultimately, the individual has the right to make their own decisions. Even if you disagree with their choices, respecting their autonomy is important for maintaining a healthy relationship. Leaving a cult or a political belief can be a long and difficult process. Be patient and understanding, as the individual may need time to recognize the problems and make their own decisions. Individuals who join cults are not necessarily weak or gullible. Many cult members are intelligent, capable individuals who have been gradually drawn into these groups due to a combination of factors. Understanding these factors can help prevent individuals from falling victim to manipulative tactics and encourage early intervention when someone is showing signs of involvement in a potentially harmful group.
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For those who forget... Image by Kay Gregan from Pixabay
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