![]() Q33: "What Can I Do To Stop My Child's Aggressive Behavior? You need to find out the reason(s) why your child is aggressive. Is the aggression only at home? School or daycare? Or both environments? These are a few questions that I initially ask parents whose children are deemed aggressive by them. Think about it for a moment: If your child is aggressive only at home and not at school, then your child probably has some control over their behaviors, right? Do you Understand? If not, let's break it down. What helps most children behave at school? That's right, consequences. There are consequences at school, (i.e., no recess and in-and-out of school suspensions). Your children are aware of them resulting in them behaving better at school. If your child has minimal aggression at school, then what could cause them to show their aggression at home? There can be many answers to this questions; however, you may have a lack of consistency in your rules or how you deal with misbehavior, (I.e., discipline) or consequences for your child's actions at home. What are you rules? When they are broken such as with acts of aggressions, how do you handle them? Mishandling aggression causes it to increase at home and there are steps you can take to determine the triggers that cause the aggression at home as well as school. What Is Childhood Aggression? Daily, I observe aggression in children. I witness children throwing objects at their parents' heads and those parents allow it to happen. Sometimes, parents argue with and sound similar to their children about the behavior, as if they are having a tantrum too. Many parents report to me as if I judge them, and I DO NOT, "I just don't want to spank (him or her)." Attention: Spanking a child is NOT the only way to assert discipline or structure within your home and with some children, even a spanking will not work to improve their behaviors. One problem here is that discipline does NOT start when children are 4, 5, and 10-years-old. More than likely, you are positively encouraging and supporting your child's aggressive behaviors, unintentionally, (I.e., yelling which gives your child your attention nor holding them and cuddling after they have hit you to calm them). It's simple math: (Behavior) When they hit + I cuddle (attention reinforces negative behavior) = more hitting (aggressive behavior). Attention: Your child's teacher does not cuddle your child after an aggressive episode. Childhood aggression refers to aggressive behaviors exhibited by children. These behaviors can manifest in various ways, ranging from verbal aggression (such as name-calling and shouting) to physical aggression (such as hitting, pushing, or biting). Childhood aggression is a complex issue with multiple potential causes and contributing factors. When you support these type of behaviors, they continue and increase as children age. Tip: Children are cute and cuddly as toddlers; however, they do grow up and you do not want this behavior from a 16-year-old teenager in your home. On the other hand, some degree of aggression is considered normal in childhood, especially in early childhood. It can be a part of a child's emotional and social development as they learn to navigate their feelings and interactions with others. However, it should decrease as a child matures and learns more appropriate ways to express themselves. While some level of aggression is typical in childhood, persistent and extreme aggression can be concerning. Warning signs may include severe physical violence, cruelty to animals, a lack of remorse or empathy, and other disruptive behaviors. Childhood aggression. has been researched by Psychologists for many years and most agree that it can take place in various forms, including:
To stop aggressive behaviors, it takes work. It is challenging, concerning, and the approach to ending them needs to be systematic and goal-directed. Pending the age of your child, remember, improving their aggressive behaviors can possibly take several years. You cannot ignore aggressive behaviors. You need to unravel or undo the behaviors that were created and that is not something that can be done in a day. Addressing childhood aggression is crucial to help children learn more appropriate ways to express themselves and resolve conflicts. What is Your Parenting Style? I know that learning to deal with aggressive behaviors can be exhausting; however, this is also the reason that I suggest to parents to start early with developing appropriate feelings and behaviors within their children. Do not allow aggressive behaviors to continue due to your child having a disability, being young, or thinking that it is a cute behavior that kids "just do." I have heard it all and collectively, your parenting style can be a catalyst for how your child learns to deal with their feelings. Parenting styles refer to the general approaches that parents use to raise their children. These styles are characterized by the attitudes, behaviors, and strategies parents employ in their interactions with their children. These styles can have a significant impact on a child's development, behavior, and overall well-being. Several prominent parenting styles have been identified and studied by Psychologists. These styles can have a significant impact on a child's development, behavior, and overall well-being. Here are four commonly recognized parenting styles, though not fixed categories include the following:
You, as a parent, may use a combination of these parenting styles and if you do, you are modeling those inconsistencies to your child. Your behavior directly impacts your child's development and behavior, and it is confusing for your child. Why? For a few reasons: Mixed Messages, inconsistent boundaries, emotional confusion, and conflicting expectations. When children receive conflicting messages from their parents about what is expected of them, it can lead to cognitive dissonance. For example, if one parent is permissive and allows a behavior while the other parent is more authoritarian and punishes the child for the same behavior, the child may not know which rules to follow and act out. Better yet, play the two of you against one another. My children tried this behavior when they were younger; however, we remained a united front against them and that type of manipulation against us. Inconsistent parenting also causes unclear boundaries in children. Children may not understand where the limits are and how they are expected to behave. This inconsistency can lead to frustration and anxiety for children. Different parenting styles may also create emotional confusion for children. For instance, if one parent is emotionally distant (uninvolved parenting) while the other is emotionally responsive (authoritative or permissive), children may struggle to understand and regulate their own emotions. When parents have different expectations for their children's behavior, children may feel pressure to meet both sets of expectations, even if they are contradictory. This can create stress and anxiety for the child. Some children will learn to adapt to your type of parenting styles or a combination of them, by becoming skilled at reading each parent's expectations and adjusting their behavior accordingly. While this adaptability can be seen as a strength, it can also lead to a lack of authenticity or a sense of not being true to oneself (they will say, "I do not know who I am). Children may use the differences in parenting styles to their advantage by playing parents agains one another or manipulating situations to get what they want. This can lead to power struggles within the family. When inconsistencies are extreme or lead to confusion and emotional turmoil, work together to establish a more consistent and coherent parenting approach. How Your Parenting Style Impacts Your Child? You are raising an adult and not a baby. Believe me, children do grow up and you want to them to productive citizens. This will not occur if you do not teach them how to cope with their aggression. We all had to learn! One incorrect decision can cost your child a significant amount of consequences, (I.e., physical aggression or fighting at school, harming others, and incarceration). You can cause them to have difficulty making decisions when they receive mixed messages in how the world will deal with their aggressive behavior. For example, your child cannot attend school and remain overly aggressive. Your school will stop that behavior and it may not be the type of consequence that. you agree with; however, other children, as well as school staff need to be safe. I have sat in enough manifestation hearings, school suspensions and expulsions, and worked in alternative schools to know that these are real consequences for students who cannot handle the traditional classroom settings. This is also true for students with disabilities. And Individualized Education Plan (IEP) will only guard aggressive children for so long and even then, they will have consequences for their aggressive actions. By allowing aggressive behaviors in your children, they may also become uncertain about what they should do in your home causing indecisiveness and/or anxiety. Ignoring the problem can ultimate lead to feelings of insecurity in children. They may grow to feel as if you are not a reliable source of support and guidance, which can impact their self-esteem and confidence. No One Teaches Us How To Parent You are correct! It is a learn on the fly skill; however, allow your instincts to drive your decisions. You know that society will not accept childhood aggression because you are fully aware of the consequences. Every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for yours. Be adaptable and tailor your approach to your child to their specific needs and circumstances. Parenting is a highly personal and individualized journey, and there are some general principles and strategies you can use to become amore effective caregivers. Consider some of these options:
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