Q40: Ladies, "Let GO!"

'Let GO!"
​It is December 1st at 3:45am. Like some of you, I am just not sleepy or tired. Instead, I am thinking how many times did I have to "Let GO" of a person, job, and/or other things that seemed toxic in my life or did not fulfill me? Plenty of times from men to friends and in previous places of employment. Throughout the years I learned that self-satisfaction and happiness were priorities in my life. Not to mention, my self-satisfaction and happiness helped me to remove individuals and things that were not helpful. Sometimes it was hard, but necessary and worth it. When I reflect back, my choice to "Let GO" allowed me to receive the many blessings that came to me in the future. How did I "Let GO?" Life lessons is how I "Let GO" and learning from them as opposed to allowing myself to get sucked back into the same patterns and situations. Your life is your own journey and a testimony to others. There is no better time like the present to choose wisely and make changes for the New Year. We will discuss How to "Let GO," and what to do After You "Let GO!"

How To Let GO
Are you tired yet? Or, mad? If you answered no, then you will continue your unhealthy lifestyle. You can have what you want out of life if you change your thought processes. At times that means showing your emotions or allowing them to occur to feel distress. Many of you withhold your emotions as if there is something wrong with doing what the body does naturally - being emotional. On the other hand, changing your thought processes means setting new goals and following through with them. What's stopping you from letting go, but you? Let's explore a examples from comments that I have seen on social media to demonstrate how we can be toxic to ourselves with regard to our decision-making keeping us in bondage:

• "I want to go back to school." 
  • It is not money for school that is stopping you because those with less money get the most money financed for school. How can this obstacle be changed for this person?
• "I want to get married."
  • If he is not ready to get married but you are, why stay? You cannot force a man to marry you, nor should you. What steps can you take to move forward in this relationship for your life?
• "I want him out of my life."
  • You want him out of your life; however, you allow him back when it is convenient for you??? You are sending mixed messages to yourself and him. How can you make a firm decision here and stick with it?
• "I want to have children."
  • Why wait if you want them? You may be in a relationship with the wrong person; or, you two are not equally yoked. If this is your dream, why allow someone to stop you?
• "I want to date only women."
  • If you only want to date women, why hide it? Be your true self and love who you are ladies. Make a plan to change your lifestyle to one that fits you.

Sometimes, we allow others to dictate our lives. For example, I repeatedly hear or read women say, "I'll wait until he is ready to get married," but functioning with a man as if they are already married. Contrary to popular belief, there is a difference in multiple ways from being a girlfriend versus a wife. So, why should he marry you if you already function as if you are a wife? That allows him to control goals that you want and have set for your life. Make sense to you? If he is not ready for marriage, you do not have to stay, and wait on him to change while taking care of him instead of yourself. It is ok to "Let GO" and decide how to live for yourself to make YOU happy.

​The inability to "Let GO" starts with why we remain in relationships and situations in the first place that causes us distress. This is influenced by a variety of things, such as our family history and childhood, personality traits, emotional connection, and societal expectations. We do form strong emotional bonds with others, and letting go may feel like losing a part of ourselves. My first heartbreak was in college and it was awful. Believe me, I understand. For some of us, letting go often involves stepping into the unknown, which can be intimidating. People prefer the comfort of the familiar, even if it is causing them distress. Investing a significant amount of time and effort into a particular relationship or situation may be a catalyst for staying stagnant in relationships and situations because it feels like acknowledging that the investment was not worthwhile. Some individuals may also feel societal pressure to maintain certain connections, even if they are no longer healthy. Letting go can be tied to their sense of self-worth or identity. The idea of moving on from a situation or person might be perceived as a reflection of personal failure or inadequacy. People may hold on because they hope that the situation or relationship will improve over time. The belief that things might get better can be a powerful motivator to persist despite challenges. This one can be dangerous as well, for a victim of domestic violence. Lastly, I know that once I was hurt in college, I did not want to go through the grieving process again over another person which caused me to stay in a relationship a bit longer although I knew it was not right for me. Letting go can be a process of grieving, especially if it involves the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a significant aspect of one's life. Grieving is a natural and necessary part of the healing process.

What I did to Let GO was to start being realistic with myself while observing signs, symptoms, and patterns in people, jobs, and situations based upon what I learned from my previous failures. It is similar to keeping a mental rolodex about those things that gave me pause in relationships and situations. When they caused me to pause, I paid attention and started to think about what was happening. Pausing was used as a trigger for me to make a decision to stay and tolerate behaviors and issues or walk away without returning. A pause is an instinct not to be ignored. I stopped denying my instincts and leaned into them which is how I learned to "Let GO" even in a place of employment. As of today, if I pause it means that my instincts are telling me to listen. Then, I do comply with them. If someone walks into your life with the same patterns that you had in another relationship and you recognize the toxicity, that is your signal to stop and not move forward with that person by letting go. Staying hurts you more than experiencing other options that can possibly give you the life that you deserve. Let GO!

​After You Let GO
This depends upon the circumstances; however, the benefits exceed the potential outcome of staying in toxic situations. It opens you up to personal growth, emotional relief, space for new relationships and opportunities, increased self-awareness, improved physical and mental health, freedom from toxic relationships, acceptance of change, renewed focus on priorities, and inner peace. You will be an entirely new you while developing your personality and characteristics because,

• You will confront and overcome challenges and foster personal growth and resilience. This is self-discovery and learning.
• You will have a sense of emotional relief. It might feel like a weight has been lifted, allowing for a greater sense of peace and well-being.
• You will open up space for new experiences, relationships, and opportunities to enter your life creating positive changes and growth that may not have been possible while holding onto the past.
• You will self-reflect and self-exam your priorities to lead to a better understanding of oneself, one's values, and what truly matters in life.
• You will release negative emotions and stress that can take a toll on both mental and physical health which will reduce your anxiety, and improve your mood, and overall well-being.
• You will aim for healthier connections to surround oneself with positive influences in social relationships.
• You will accept that change is a natural and inevitable part of life to allow you to adapt to new circumstances and develop resilience in the face of uncertainty.
• No more distractions or situations that no longer serve you. You will focus on your priorities and goals while increasing your focus, productivity, and a sense of purpose.
• You will have a sense of inner peace. You can do this through prayer, living in the moment, or by way of your own journey. Learn to live in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Image by 9883074 from Pixabay