Wives versus Girlfriends
I listened, observed, and read countless opinions from women about Darius Jackson's comment toward his lovely girlfriend, KeKe Palmer in July, 2023. One of the most striking issues was the debate amongst women regarding the responsibility she has to him... as his girlfriend. In other words, whether or not he had the right to expect her to dress a certain way in public, though she is not his wife. As a woman who is now in her 50s, having been a girlfriend and a wife, and with two daughters, this argument was intriguing to me. ONE of my initial responses to Darius's tweet was, "My daughters better not have the mentality of wearing clothes to please their boyfriends; they wear what they want, and boyfriends do not get to dictate that point!" Boyfriends are not husbands and yes, it is different when you are married. The Red Flag here is the belief that there is no difference between the responsibilities of being a girlfriend versus those of a wife. I agree with the comments about Darius's tweet that mentioned, "She is not his wife," and it was presumptuous of him to believe that she needed to wear clothing pleasing to...him, not to mention sharing it with the world (that's another Red Flag blog in and of itself).
Personally, one of the reasons that I never wanted to cohabitate with a man was due to what I call my, "single-woman mentality." Or, the belief that cohabitation will cause me to perform "wifely-duties" before my time. I did not want that responsibility as a single woman, nor did I want to take care of a man. This was my thought process in my early 20s and 30 years later, I am glad that I had it and do pass it on to my own children. I used to get very confused with people who would enter my life back then, and want me to dress and look a certain way - for their pleasure. As a single woman, that was not an option that I gave to them, and would dismiss them quickly from my life. Too controlling - Red Flag! Once I was married, however, I understood that husbands and wives may have preferences for one another and they should respect them, which was different from my responsibilities while being single. If you are clueless about the Darius-KeKe situation, here is an article for your perusal from MSNBC in July, 2023:
The topic, "Wives versus Girlfriends" is sensitive and personal, as it involves relationships and societal norms, and can vary greatly depending on the individuals involved. However, there are differences that may exist between wives versus girlfriends:
Where are the Red Flags?
When reading the blogs, articles, and comments about the Darius-KeKe situation, the main Red Flag that I consistently read in comments was, "Being a wife is NO different than being a girlfriend." Yes, there IS a difference, but I am also aware that many women are content with being what I call a "forever girlfriend." However, this type of satisfaction in relationships can be a Red Flag for both parties in the relationship for various reasons, depending on the context and the individuals involved. A "forever girlfriend" refers to a situation where a woman is involved in a long-term, committed relationship with another who consistently avoids or resists the idea of getting married or taking the relationship to a more serious and formal level. There are some Red Flag concerns raised about this type of relationship dynamic such as,
Is Being a Wife or Girlfriend Better?
I also saw this debate between women: "Being a girlfriend is better; no, being a wife is better." Ladies, you have your own opinions based on your experiences. Opinions and preferences vary and what one person values in a relationship might not be the same for someone else. Some women hold the stance that being a girlfriend is a better choice for them possibly due to:
With that said, I am a wife. It is a different responsibility and concern for my spouse than for a man that I dated or who was my boyfriend many years ago. There are advantages and benefits to being a wife over being a girlfriend. I have written about the business side of marriage versus being in-love with your spouse on this blog; however, I did not mention that I also see marriage as being advantageous in these areas as well:
Ladies, To Conclude...
It's essential to remember that a successful and fulfilling relationship is not solely determined by marital status. Whether someone chooses to be a wife or remain a girlfriend, the most important factors are mutual love, respect, trust, communication, and compatibility between the partners. Each person's path to happiness and fulfillment in a relationship is unique, and it's crucial to respect and support the choices that individuals make based on their personal values and circumstances.
The dynamics of each relationship depend on the individuals involved and their personal choices. Some long-term unmarried relationships may mirror the commitment and stability of marriage, while some marriages may lack emotional depth and commitment. The labels themselves do not define the quality or depth of a relationship; it is the love, respect, and understanding between partners that truly matters.
Communicate openly and honestly in any relationship to understand each other's desires, goals, and expectations. If one partner wants a more committed relationship and the other partner is unwilling to meet those needs, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether it is best to move forward together or go separate ways. Every individual deserves to be in a relationship where their needs for commitment, security, and happiness are respected and fulfilled.
Every person's perspective on relationships is influenced by their experiences, values, and individual preferences. What matters most is that both partners in a relationship are on the same page about their commitment level and the direction they want the relationship to take. Open and honest communication is crucial to understanding each other's feelings, expectations, and goals to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship, whether as girlfriends or spouses. Compromise is key in relationships, pending the expectations established between couples. Most of all, keep your feelings about your relationship, OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA!