Blog 70, wow! I am so happy. I promised Nebulous Children that I would share their stories with the public one day, and now I am writing blog 70. Amazing! I certainly did not do this alone; thank you to all of you who read this blog, and listen to more details about them on my podcast. You will notice a few changes on this website, and I am still considering other ways to make this site more user friendly. One change is that all of the "October Ghost Stories" are now be featured within their own section. Those blogs were popular when I wrote them, and I will continue to write them each October until I run out of TRUE stories to tell (smile).
Ever felt the need to find your happiness? I have many times and I was reminded of that feeling recently when speaking with someone about their sadness. This sadness, however, was not due to major depression and/or another psychiatric diagnosis but just a general feeling of malaise or anguish. Sometimes that happens right? Exactly, and the feelings are not always based in mental health. At times, we just need to say to ourselves, “Feelings are normal; we have them, and it is ok to feel them.” Whether that is anger, sadness, or happiness we need to allow ourselves to be human. It is the part of our psyche that we either forget to include in our days, suppress them entirely, pretend that we are functioning just fine in front other others, or we allow them to manifest to a point of exploding on others. When we withhold our feelings, we do our bodies a disservice. It cannot function properly to maintain its homeostasis when all we need to do is cry, for example.
As a society, we have allowed ourselves to believe that not expressing emotions is thriving in life. Or, that something is wrong with others who are emotional. Stoic people who claim that they are non-emotionalI will explode at some point, and it will not be pleasant. Some people do not want to feel the catharsis that the body needs to stabilize itself when they do become emotional. Actually, someone shared with me not wanting to cry over because it does not make him or her feel good. I was pretty confused by that statement because this person was just miserable, and it showed. Now, I can make people cry and it is due to getting them to talk which gets those emotions flowing. Guess what? It was no different with this person and he or she began to cry a river! (Insert eye roll)
After the release of emotions, I was told, “I feel so much better.”
Sometimes happiness takes work, and so does sadness. Is it easier to remain sad? For some yes, as it is to stay angry. Confirmation bias, in these cases, is easy. We tend find issues that maintain our state of mind. I asked plenty of people about their reasons for surrounding themselves with sad or angry topics, issues, and/or events. It fuels their emotions, which is their reasoning or response to my question. Then why not be happy? "There's something wrong with people who are happy all of the time." I still cannot understand why that it problematic and annoying miserable folks! You can feed your mind, body, and soul with things that will make you feel good. Circumstances and situation are different for everyone, I understand that point, but it must also be painful to never be…happy. I say that because negative emotions are heavy burdens to bear on a daily basis. I tend to think that people would rather feel pleased and content in life with the expectation that a positive attitude should be normal to them. Unless misery makes them feel good.
We cannot wallow in misery.
Personally, children make me happy. I was tired yesterday but when I saw my kids, I lit up. Other professionals have told me that I have a “dial.” Over the years I learned to accept the fact that I do have a dial and turn it up when I need to work with people. Where is your dial? I know that you have one and you have to turn it up. Trick your brain into thinking that it is ok and not feeling sad, but only happy. The dial is easy; just pick up the phone and smile. Or, when you’re in a grocery store feeling overwhelmed after work, smile at a child or someone elderly. Both populations make me very happy when I run into them in the grocery stores. Side note: I hate grocery shopping which is why I need to turn my dial up. The kids are the ones who get me to smile, even the grumpy teenagers especially when their parents are frustrated with them in the stores. I laugh internally because I remember that feeling. Sometimes I yell, “It’s only temporary,” and each parent will respond, “Oh thank God.”
The emotions that we display are modeled to our children. When you are happy, you raise happy adults. Remember, you are raising adults and not children. Develop them into emotionally healthly and stable adults by being one yourself and learning that being displaying emotions is a habit that you want to achieve as you age. Respect the fact that everyday will not be full of roses and bunny rabbits, but it can be easier to cope with if at your core you find your happy place or dial. I also find my happy place with other members of my family, traveling, and smaller things such as holiday decorating, flowers, and knowing that I am helping others. Helping others is why I cannot stop volunteering for things, but that is another blog.
I do not take my emotional self-care for granted. In my profession, you have to be fully aware of how to care for yourself and enjoy life or it impacts our clients. And guess what? I can turn off my dial too as needed. It was off today, by the way but I still smiled.
In the past, one of the things I had to do with Nebulous Children is to help many of them find their happy feelings after feelings. Imagine if you saw ghosts? Seeing was not always pleasant for kids, and many were afraid. Other Nebulous Children, especially some teenagers, already found their happiness by learning how to deal with their ability to see ghosts. That is no easy either because it was a constant challenge for them as well. However, when the happy battle is won, the kids would use their learning when afraid or sad again. I gave them the tools to use to make sure that happiness remained stable. Not perfect, but the kids learned how to find it and understood the importance of communicating their emotions.
Today, I challenge you to retrain your brain. Find your happiness. Remember, our feelings are important, and we must have them to maintain our homeostasis or bodily peace. Go ahead and feel them; take it all in and when it is a struggle, do something that you enjoy such as exercise or traveling. My new favorite quote is viewed in the picture. I look at it daily.