 LGBTQIA+ Introduction This photo made me smile. It is all about happiness. A feeling that all of us want to have at some point within our lives. Yet, some will interpret this picture negatively for various reasons other than seeing this person as a happy human being. I know that mindset all too well. It is one that I have encountered within my life. It does not feel good at all; however, you learn how to cope with it. Hurt people hurt other people. Misery shapes their mindset and actions. It is the reason that some politicians enact bills that discriminate and hurt others. For example, the Parental Rights in Education Bill dubbed as the "Don't Say Gay" bill that bans sexual orientation and gender identity issues from classrooms in Florida. Considering that 42% of LGBTQIA+ youth and 52% of trans youth seriously considered suicide in 2021 in American, (NEA, 2022), I think we need to keep our children and youth talking and feeling comfortable in the classroom. Anti-gay rhetoric increases mental health related issues with our LGBTQIA+ children and youth. My goal with this blog is to educate others about the mental health of LGBTQIA+ children and youth. It is not intended to persuade anyone to be more accepting of individual differences. Allow your own conscious to guide you on that one. However, let's start with the basics: What does LGBTQIA+ mean? LGBTQIA+ Basics The term "LGBTQIA" is an acronym that represents a range of sexual orientations and gender identities. Here's what each letter typically stands for:
Link: queerintheworld.com/different-lgbtq-flags-and-meaning/ LGBTQIA+ Hate Now that you understand what the acronym means, it's disheartening to me that some people harbor hate towards LGBTQIA+ children and youth. This hatred, however, is hurting them. There are many reasons why some people hold negative attitudes toward this population starting with ignorance and lack of exposure. People who have limited exposure to diverse sexual orientations and gender identities may lack understanding and empathy. Ignorance can contribute to the perpetuation of stereotypes, fear, and prejudice. Here are other reasons:
Importance of Accepting LGBTQIA+ Children & Youth Love is missing. To me, it is a lot easier to love than to hate and all LGBTQIA+ children and youth want is to be loved. Positive emotions toward them will decrease their negative feelings. These children may have a sexual orientation or gender identity that is different from societal norms or expectations and as a result, can face unique challenges and experiences in their personal lives, schools, and communities. You can help them by doing the following:
Mental Health & LGBTQIA+ Children & Youth Important: LGBTQIA+ individuals face unique challenges and experiences that can impact their well-being and mental health. Some of the areas impacted include:
Remember, hatred and prejudice are learned behaviors, often rooted in ignorance, fear, and deeply ingrained societal biases. We do not need to hate anyone as a result of their unique differences. We need to do a much better job with supporting the mental health of LGBTQIA+ children and youth. Let's promote acceptance, create safe and inclusive spaces, provide access to LGBTQIA+-affirming mental health care, and challenge stigma and discrimination. You all better learn how to love one another!  Image by Sabrina_Groeschke from Pixabay
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Helicopter Moms My experience with helicopter moms is significant because I encounter this behavior quite often in my career. The severity has ranged from mild to severe and every mother's story is different; behaviors are justified, and in most cases their behavior(s) negatively impacted their children. We carry our children for 9 months and release them into the world; I am a mother, I get it. Nevertheless, Dory (Finding Nemo, 2003), said it best, youtu.be/zEMcEYZr7Cw Go ahead, click the YouTube link. This is the most powerful part of the movie to me, and I also share Dory's sentiments while speaking to Marlon:
What Is a Helicopter Mom? A "helicopter mom" is a parent who is overly involved in their child's life, often to the point of being controlling or smothering. A mother who is constantly hovering over their child, ready to intervene or solve problems at the slightest sign of difficulty. If you identify with the following characteristics, then you are a helicopter mom:
How Does Being a Helicopter Mom Hurt My Kids? While I am positive that your intentions are good because you want to help your child succeed; however, your "helicopter mom" behavior can have negative consequences. Here are some examples:
Why am I a Helicopter Mom? I questioned this behavior several times in mothers who self-identified as helicopter moms. Some have anxiety, trauma, and other fears of the world. Here are some possible reasons:
How Can I Stop Being a Helicopter Mom? If you recognize that you may be a helicopter mom and want to stop, here are some steps you can take:
It is important for helicopter moms to strike a balance between being involved in their child's life and giving them space to learn and grow. While it is natural to want to protect and support your children, you must allow them to experience challenges and develop their own coping strategies. This can help children gain resilience, self-reliance, and a sense of autonomy. -I did not say it was easy! Helicopter parenting is not limited to mothers, and can be exhibited by any parent regardless of gender. Despite their reasons, it's important for parents to be aware of the potential negative consequences of helicopter parenting. Changing your parenting style takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your child as you work towards a healthier and more balanced approach to parenting. Remember, you did not want your parents hovering over you...  Image by Adina Voicu from Pixabay  Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay Are You Responsible?
For hurting the feelings of some parents? Daily, I listen to parents who share with me that they do not to take their child or children out in public due to fear of scrutiny from others. I find this utterly ridiculous and we should be ashamed of ourselves for making these parents feel as if they are imprisoned in their own homes due to our behavior(s) toward them because of their children’s behavior(s.) They report hearing public statements such as,
Then there are the dirty looks that convey the same feelings just with nonverbal communication and stares. Either people continue to gaze at them as they struggle with their children, or they focus their gawks strictly toward the children as if they want to discipline them on behalf of the parents. That attitude intentionally makes parents feel bad about their children. Parents love their children and want what is best for them, and making them feel troubled about their children can cause unnecessary pain and damage to their livelihoods. It is much better to focus on the positive qualities and achievements of children and parents, rather than dwelling on their shortcomings or mistakes. Besides,
This is a question that the parents want me to ask the public. Sometimes, more seasoned parents are quick to think that their way of dealing with children is the correct way for all families. They base this narcissism on how they raised their kids. As if someone died and made them "The God(s) of Parenting!" Further, who said you get to decide what another parent is doing incorrectly as they learn to handle their children. It is perfectly fine if what they decide does not align with your experiences. Society can be so busy scowling at these parents that they do not consider other factors that may contribute to these children’s, perceived, negative behaviors. For example, • Educational disabilities • Mental health impairments • Neurodivergent “neurospicy” disorders • Medical conditions What if a child cannot help it? Ever consider that some of these children's behaviors may fall into one of the above categories, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)? How about cutting these families some slack based upon your ignorance about their struggles? One thing you can do for them, however, is to help when you witness their public distress. In case you are wondering, yes, I have assisted parents in public places. I am that person who will ask a parent on an airplane, for example, if I can support them with holding their baby as they put another one to sleep. Even when I do not want to lend a helping hand to parents, (I work with children and their families daily), I make sure that I do NOT glare at them if their child is misbehaving, (i.e., temper tantrums) out in public. I remember a few elderly women on an airplane helped me with my oldest child when she was 3-months-old and sick as we flew back home. I pay it forward. Guilty of Forgetting? Some parents of adult children forget what it is like to have toddlers. They fail to recall the sleepless nights, picky eating, public temper tantrums, frustration, sweating, and uncertainty about their own competence and parenting skills. Neglecting to recall how hard it was to function as a working parent while feeling like a parental failure does not excuse you from bad behavior toward these parents. Parents of disruptive toddlers are anxious and constantly questioning themselves and their children with, “Is this normal?” When something stands out within their children that seems atypical, it is an awful feeling. To make matters worse, waiting lists for therapists, psychological testing, and special education evaluations take months to occur in order to find out if something is wrong with their child. Then, other people make them feel bad and stupid while downplaying their children's behaviors with statements such as,
The most common statement I am told is,
Did you even hear the parent's concerns? No, you did not because you were too busy ignoring their them. Before they can fully tell you about their child or children's symptoms, you were ready to tell them what you did that worked for your own children. You are not an active listener. You are not displaying empathy. You are not being a good role model. The sad part is that these parents can shut down and resort to denying symptoms about their children because you made them feel as if it was in their imagination. Some endure excessive worrying which can disrupt their lives, or they unsuccessfully try to fix the problems on their own. The children suffer. Why? Because they may not receive needed assistance in the early developmental period which may exacerbate their symptoms. How Can We Help Distressed Parents? It is simple. First, have some empathy! Remove your negative, automatic thoughts, and replace them with useful ones. Parenting can be a challenging task, especially when children are taxing. Here are some ways to assist, encourage, and guide parents struggling with problematic children: • Provide Respite Care: Parents can use a break every now and then, and having a trusted friend or family member take care of their children for a few hours can be a much-needed respite. • Offer practical help: Offer to help with household chores or errands to give the parents more time and energy to focus on their child. Offering to run errands for the family, such as picking up groceries or dropping off dry cleaning, can be a big help. Parents with young children often struggle to keep up with household chores. Offering to help with tasks like laundry, dishes, or vacuuming can be a big help. • Bring over meals: Cooking can be time-consuming and exhausting, especially for parents with young children. Bringing over a home-cooked meal can be a thoughtful and practical gesture. • Listen and offer support: Parenting can be overwhelming at times, and having someone to talk to can be a big relief. Simply listening and offering support can make a big difference. • Offer to help with transportation: Parents with young children often have to juggle multiple schedules and appointments. Offering to help with transportation, such as driving children to school or extracurricular activities, can be a big help. • Share resources: Sharing information about local parenting resources, such as parenting classes, playgroups, or support groups, can be a valuable resource for parents. • Encourage the parents to seek professional help: Parents of aggressive children may benefit from the guidance of a mental health professional. Encourage them to seek counseling or therapy for themselves and their child. • Offer to help with research: Researching and finding resources that may be helpful for the family can be time-consuming. Offer to help the parents research support groups, parenting classes, or other resources that may be available in their community. • Provide a safe and calm environment: If possible, offer a calm and safe environment for the child to play in. This can give the parents a break and may help the child feel more comfortable. • Listen and offer support: Parents of aggressive children may feel isolated or judged. Simply listening to their concerns and offering support can be helpful. • Encourage self-care: Caring for an aggressive child can be exhausting and stressful. Encourage the parents to take care of themselves and to prioritize self-care, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends. Give These Parents A Break If you have never had a child with troublesome behaviors, consider yourself lucky. Supporting parents, especially those of challenging children, is not going to hurt you. It is not easy on these parents and it truly does "take a village" to raise a child. When encountering these families in public, remember, you do not know their story. Use your knowledge and insight while respecting their boundaries and feelings. Every child is different, and what worked for your child or children, may not work for another. Assist parents with finding out what works for their family and to stay positive and patient throughout the process. Even small acts of kindness can make a big difference in the lives of parents with young children.  Image by dietcheese from Pixabay Curiosity Similar to you, I get curious about "The Shooter" in mass shootings. I want to know all about this person from their childhood through the time of the murdering of innocent people. For me, it is a matter of wanting to know the catalyst for such a heinous act and most importantly, how did society fail this person to the point of committing a mass murder? In my mind, it is unbelievable tragic and I am sure that it leaves many of you wondering things such as,
All of our communities are impacted by the devastating effects of gun violence. Still, given the fact that white men account for the majority of mass shootings, has our society done a disservice to them by ignoring their problems simply because they are, well white men? If we are, then we need to develop a comprehensive approach that addresses the complex interplay of factors, such as the examples below, that contribute to these tragedies:
The Shooter Not all shooters have been diagnosed with a form of mental illness. Yet, one of the first justifications about the shooter is that the person is mentally ill, especially if the shooter is white and male. Some media sources discuss the cause of a person's decision to conduct a mass shooting as being due to mental illness more than they do easy access to guns or allowing families to grieve. Mental illness can impact people of all races and genders, and solely focusing on mental illness as the cause for mass shootings has not lessened the number of incidences of mass shootings in the United States. Recognize that men, overall, are more violent than women. Men tend to internalize their problems, (see my blog about "Pay Attention To Men's Mental Health), www.lisaligginschambers.com/questions/q21-men and are more angry often blaming others for their challenges. These men are in crisis and have legal access to fire arms to relieve themselves of their negative feelings by murdering others and sometimes themselves. The Shooter Characteristics
The lack of discipline, redirection, or structure reinforces the child's thinking that, it is okay to hurt others. In other words, harming others achieves what they want, (i.e., attention, food, and affection). These boys grow up with a sense of entitlement until society teaches them that this behavior is unacceptable, and they feel angry about it. Masculinity can be questioned and acts of violence, including mass shootings, can make them feel more masculine. As sad as it is, their anger can also stem from racial hatred, misogyny, and political rhetoric that does not condemn white men for this type of violence, but supports it against minorities. This, in turn, keeps up their ideologies and justifies their decision to partake in a mass shooting. This societal privilege is a learned behavior. It is afforded to white men simply because of their race and gender. This privilege can manifest in various ways, such as in the workplace, in politics, in education, and in social situations. Due to this white male entitlement, they receive lower levels of scrutiny and suspicion from law enforcement when crimes are committed. In the case of mass shootings they, nor their copycats, fear repercussions for their decisions to engage in mass shootings. Decreasing Mass Shootings Our society needs more interventions in place BEFORE these tragedies happen, including the following:
Summary It is important to note that not all individuals who fit these characteristics will become mass shooters, and that there is no single profile that can accurately predict who will engage in this type of violence. Additionally, it is important to avoid making assumptions or stereotypes based on a shooter's race, gender, or other demographic factors, as this can perpetuate harmful biases and distract from effective solutions to prevent future tragedies and promote a safer and more just society for everyone.  Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay This question reminds of a similar question that I asked a former professor of mine which was, "How do we, as Psychologists, make people happy?" She looked at me and said, "We don't, they need to make themselves happy." She shared stories of her time in private practice specializing in depression. Specially, how she learned overtime that people who want to be happy take charge of their own desires and outcomes. We, as Psychologists, she said, cannot control their choices. I remember feeling shocked by her answer. She told me that with depression, brain chemistry can change if we teach our clients to practice happiness. Of course I asked her, "How?" She mentioned that we must retrain our brains to enjoy life by using simple steps to gradually reduce their negative feelings. In other words, recharge the brain. For example, doing something that we enjoy, (i.e., eating ice cream or traveling). This allows us to focus on positive thoughts and feelings which in return, helps us to change negative thoughts to positive ones and enjoy those moments of happiness. I did not understand that in graduate school... Yet, here we are 17 years post-graduation for me and in the world of positive psychology, mindfullness, yoga, and surrounded by life coaches. Now, I understand. It is very simple psychology math, take a look below:
My former professor's plan interrupted the distractions by adding positive interventions before one searches for confirmation bias. At least, that's my analysis of her approach to depression. She gave her clients homework assignments to enjoy things they value the most including a timeframe and frequency of engagement. I have to agree with my former professor; I do believe that using positive and healthy interventions to increase happiness works to alter brain chemistry. It also increases our motivation to change our behaviors. Once you successfully create and follow through with building happy goals for yourself, then you will feel more inclined to want this emotion more often and maintain it. The endorphines happen more often and form a habit. Who does not want a habit of feeling pleasant feelings and happiness? "What Is Happiness?" Happiness is a subjective state of well-being. It includes positive emotions and feeling content and satisfied with a positive evaluation of one's life. It is a feeling of joy, pleasure, and fulfillment that arises when a person achieves a desired outcome, engages in enjoyable activities, or experiences positive relationships with others. Happiness means a well-developed sense of meaning and purpose in life, as well as a positive outlook and a sense of hope for the future. Happiness may be influenced by external circumstances such as relationships, material possessions, or achievements. How Dr. Lisa Maintains Her Own Happiness:? I smile, often. I smile at my family and friends. I smile at my clients. I say hello to others. I am polite and friendly to most people within my environment or community because it makes me happy. Pleasantries can trick your brain into thinking that it is happy. When I am unhappy or distressed, I talk about it. I do not hold onto my negative feelings. I take breaks and relax when necessary. I listen when my body tell me to slow down. I do things that I enjoy, (i.e., buying myself gifts and pampering myself). I believe in prayer and everyday is a new chance to do things differently including starting over. I try to forgive others and move forward with my life. I do not harbor resentment or hold grudges against anyone. One of the greatest lessons that I learned about happiness is to remove things and people that do not add value or joy to my life. I try to enjoy every moment. "Peace Be Still" is my favorite Biblical quote. "How Can I Get To Happy?" You have to want to be happy. Happiness is a subjective experience, and what brings happiness to one person may not necessarily do the same for another. However, we can all take steps to bring more joy into our lives. Here are some general suggestions that might help you find happiness:
Conclusion Happiness is not a destination that can be reached and then forgotten about. It is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and attention. By making small changes in your daily life, you can increase your overall level of happiness and improve your quality of life. Be patient with your self and enjoy the process. You only have one life, make it a great one!  Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay  Image by William Adams from Pixabay Men Introduction Given the suicide rates for men in 2022 according to the Centers for Disease Control, let's examine men's mental health. Gentlemen, you are suffering in silence. You know it, and so do I. You are not alone. You can get the help that you need. As you take care of others, you must care for your own mental health needs. Do yourselves a favor and share with a professional your symptoms and how you are feeling. It is not a sign of weakness or an inability to take care of your needs independently. It is, however, a sign of strength. Men Suffer In Silence I am cognizant and protective of the mental health of men within my personal life. I know that it is easy for them to default to strength as opposed to acknowledging their limitations or internal challenges, such as their symptoms mental health. Their perception of weakness is stronger than the truth and for some men, it causes resistance and/or defensiveness. Many believe that it is easier to resolve the problem(s) themselves and, "Who wants to go to therapy" to learn how to deal with something that they can control. It is very difficult for men view themselves as not being able to handle most things, let alone their own mental health. However, let me share a reality check: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention In 2020, the suicide rate among males was 4 times higher than the rate among females. Males made up 49% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides in the United States (see the link below). www.cdc.gov/suicide/suicide-data-statistics.html Do the percentages make sense to you? It does to me and here are a few examples of men's rationale to me as a mental health professional, for avoiding treatment. This also explain why I understand the percentages:
1) Stigma Research has shown that men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues than women, and are more likely to die by suicide. This may be due to a variety of factors, including stigma around mental health. Mental health issues are often stigmatized in our society, and there may be cultural or societal expectations that men should be "tough" or "strong" and not show vulnerability or weakness. This can make men reluctant to seek help for mental health concerns, as they may worry about being judged or perceived as weak or "less of a man." Some men may worry that seeking mental health treatment or support could have negative consequences, such as impacting their career, social status, or relationships. Educating men and society as a whole about mental health and the importance of seeking help for mental health concerns can help reduce the stigma around mental health and increase understanding of the challenges that men may face. Providing male-specific support such as support services and resources that specifically cater to the needs of men, such as men's mental health support groups or workshops, can help ensure that men receive the support they need in a way that is tailored to their specific needs and concerns. 2) Silent Suffering Men continue to work, play sports, and take care of their responsibilities while suffering emotionally. They experience symptoms of mental health differently than women and they will certainly remain silent about their feelings. Or, men may be more likely to experience anger or irritability as symptoms of depression, rather than feelings of sadness or hopelessness. They are also less likely to talk openly about their emotions and feelings, making it harder for them to recognize when they are struggling and to seek the support they need it. When tragedy happens such as suicide, many are shocked to learn about this unfortunately turn of events only to say, "He did not seem sick or sad." Silent suffering is probably the most hurtful to me because in these cases, most families are unaware of this man's suffering and are shocked by the completed suicide. You never know when someone is suffering and this is especially true about men. Encouraging men to talk openly about their emotions and feelings can help create a culture where mental health concerns are taken seriously and addressed. Providing safe spaces where men can talk without fear of judgement or stigma can be helpful in this regard. 3) Cultural and Societal Expectations of Masculinity Cultural and societal expectations of masculinity can play a significant role in how men perceive and express their mental health concerns. Traditionally, many societies have placed a strong emphasis on traditional masculine traits, such as strength, self-reliance, and emotional stoicism. These expectations can create a stigma around mental health issues and seeking help for them, as men may feel that admitting to having a problem or expressing their emotions is a sign of weakness. Men who struggle with mental health issues may feel that they are not meeting these traditional masculine expectations, which can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and inadequacy. This can make it harder for them to seek help or talk openly about their struggles with mental health. By challenging traditional notions of masculinity and promoting mental health awareness and education, we can help create a culture where men feel more comfortable seeking help and talking openly about their mental health struggles. This can involve promoting a more holistic view of masculinity that acknowledges the importance of emotional expression and vulnerability for men. 4) Men's Fears Understanding and addressing men's concerns and fears about their mental health, such as fear of diagnosis or treatment, can help them feel more comfortable seeking mental healthcare. Men may worry about the following issues which add to their fears:
5) Access Some men are less aware of the symptoms of mental health issues or the resources available to them for help. They may face barriers to accessing mental health treatment or support, such as financial or logistical challenges, long wait times for appointments, or a shortage of mental health professionals in their area. Providing men with access to affordable and accessible mental health resources, such as therapy, support groups, and hotlines, can help ensure that they receive the support they need. Conclusion Men need to prioritize their mental health. Ladies, if they resist, push them harder. There is no need in suffering. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, encourage them to reach out to a mental health professional or support organization for help. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and everyone deserves to have their mental health needs addressed and supported. By working to reduce the stigma around mental health and promote more inclusive and supportive cultural and societal expectations of masculinity, we can help ensure that everyone, regardless of gender, can access the help and support they need to maintain good mental health. I am now. a contributor for the online edition of Psychology Today. Please take a moment to read my articles: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spotlight-on-special-education  Image by Royal Anwar from Pixabay Aggressive behavior in children is a complex and multifaceted issue that can have significant negative impacts on their social, emotional, and psychological development. Children who exhibit aggressive behavior may struggle to form positive relationships. Fathers, in particular, play an important role in shaping a child's behavior, either positively or negatively. The goal of this blog is not to discuss the responsibility of father's as being the sole catalyst for aggressive behavior in children; rather, how their choices can put their children at-risk for engaging in violent or criminal behavior later in life. Fathers Matter Understand how important you are, fathers, in your child's life AND that there is no clear evidence to suggest that fathers create child serial killers. In fact, it is imperative to note that the vast majority of children raised by fathers do not become serial killers. The causes of serial killing are complex and multifactorial, and typically involve a combination of biological, environmental, and psychological factors. Some possible risk factors for the development of aggressive behaviors in children and serial killing include a history of abuse or neglect, a lack of empathy or remorse, a fascination with violence, and a history of mental illness. Father's matter in children's lives and while fathers may play a role in a child's development, let's avoid making simplistic and unsubstantiated claims about their role in creating serial killers. In fact, many serial killers come from stable and loving families, and their parents may have no idea that their child is capable of such violence. However, there are several ways in which fathers can contribute to aggressive behavior in children. Here are a few:
The factors highlighted above can be influenced by other issues, such as the child's temperament, experiences outside the home, and other family dynamics. Fathers, be aware of these potentially contributing factors and actively work to create a positive and supportive environment for your children. Focus on identifying and addressing these underlying risk factors and provide support and resources if your child who may be at risk for violent behavior(s). Early interventions to address (aggressive) and violent behaviors, or children who may have a history of abuse or neglect may include the following: 1) Early intervention
Conclusion In conclusion, aggressive behavior in children can have various causes, including genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. A father's behavior or absence can aid in the development of aggressive behaviors, but it is important to note that not all children with these behaviors have fathers who contribute to it. It is essential to address the underlying risk factors for aggressive behavior, such as a lack of positive role models, exposure to violence, and harsh discipline, while promoting healthy emotional development and providing early intervention and support for children who exhibit violent behavior. Additionally, it is important to avoid making unsubstantiated claims about the role of fathers in creating child serial killers and focus on identifying and addressing the complex and multifactorial causes of violent behavior. With appropriate support and resources, children with aggressive behavior can learn to manage their emotions, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts without resorting to violence. 
Teenage Serial Killers
A teenage serial killer is a young individual who engages repeatedly in the act of murdering multiple victims with a cooling-off period between each murder. It is important to note that the vast majority of teenagers do not engage in violent behavior, let alone become serial killers. In rare cases where a teenager does become a serial killer, there are often underlying issues that contributed to their behavior. That being said, there is no single factor that can cause someone to become a serial killer. However, there are certain patterns and risk factors that have been identified in some cases as potential risk factors.
Teenage Brain The teenage brain is not yet fully developed, particularly in areas related to decision-making and impulse control. This immaturity can impact their ability to reason and may contribute to impulsive or reckless behavior.
Support Teens It's worth noting that not every teenager who experiences these factors will exhibit aggressive behavior, and there are many other factors that can contribute to aggressive behavior as well. The most important thing is to provide teenagers with a supportive environment where they can learn healthy coping strategies and feel safe expressing their emotions. The response to a teenage aggression should not solely focus on punishment, but also on addressing any underlying issues such as trauma or mental illness that may have contributed to their behavior. Effective intervention can help prevent such behaviors from escalating and may even prevent future violence.
In addition to the above steps, it is important to seek professional help if the teenager's aggression persists despite efforts to address it. Mental health professionals can provide counseling and support to help the teenager manage their emotions and behavior effectively. It is important to remember that these factors do not necessarily guarantee that someone will become a serial killer, and that there is no single cause or explanation for this type of behavior. In some cases, serial killers may simply have a desire for power and control over others, or may have been exposed to violent or abusive behavior at an early age. Ultimately, more research is needed to fully understand the complex factors that may contribute to teenagers who exhibit traits of serial killing.  Image by sippakorn yamkasikorn from Pixabay
"Am I Raising A Serial Killer?"
Yes, you read that correctly. Mothers want to know! There are 3 parts to this topic and for today's blog, we will discuss Part I, The Mother. The Mother Maternal figures are commonly the focus of conversation pertaining to the makings of a serial killer. How mothers parent their children does contribute; however, their behaviors are not always the primary target, nor do they count more than the father's or another caregiver. Mother's of serial killers have been known to be cruel, hostile, and brutal toward their children. This has been documented numerous times and accounted by actual serial killers. Countless articles are available that detail the personalities and characteristics of mothers of serial killers. For this blog, however, we are going to discuss mothers in terms of the type of parenting that causes aggression in children and how to decrease that behavior. Notice as you read articles about serial killers that their aggressive behaviors do NOT begin as adults, but children. If you believe that your children behave in an aggressive manner that concerns you, seek help from a behavior therapist or psychologist. Here are 3 maternal behaviors that I commonly associated with the makings of aggressive behavior in children:
 https://www.localguidesconnect.com/t5/General-Discussion/Look-beyond-what-you-see/td-p/1474792
What Does It Mean To Be Neurodivergent?
Being neurodivergent is not the same as a disability. However, it can be associated with a disability because they may need accommodations and services at school or work. The difference is how the brain works and processes information compared to what is considered "typical." Examples of a few types of neurodivergent conditions include autism, attention/deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and Tourette syndrome. Read the article below in preparation to discuss, "Neurodivergent Does Not Mean Disabled." Article: www.today.com/parents/teens/teen-publicly-rejected-gets-kind-valentines-classmates-rcna70965 The Girl Who Said No: Did you feel sorrow for this young man? I understand, but I am kind of tired of it and it is atypical to feel sorrow for someone when rejected for a date. It sucks, I know, especially in front of a crowd! We can all empathize, but that is not the reason that these types of stories make the press. It is due to the suitor being neurodivergent along with being rejected. Why single them out this way? No one wants to feel the embarrassment of rejection, let alone in public. Especially if one is neurodivergent; spotlight on you the majority of the time, even your personal life. I am positive that the perception of despair, due to being rejected, is the reason the students showered him with kindness afterwards. The teens had their hearts in the right place and that is commendable, but let's view this situation from the young woman's side of the story. Do we want to guilt her into saying yes due to his condition? What did she learn from this situation? That she should have said yes because something is wrong with her for telling him? Or, feel so much compassion about his condition that she will feel compelled to say yes to him? If you answered no to these questions, I agree with you and so does this young man's mother. His peers, however, "may" have made this young lady feel badly for saying no, but there is no reporting of support for her or her response in the press. My guess is that she was probably embarrassed and quite possibly sad about this situation going viral. Collectively, we teach teenagers that, "No means no" and there is no shame in being firm in that decision. When "no" is given to someone who is neurodivergent, why the outpouring of empathy? Who not give the same type of response to any young man is rejected? Better yet, why highlight these stories in the press? I read just about one news article per week at minimum, about a neurodivergent teenager being treated differently by others due to a disappointing event occurring to them at school. Life is full of disappointments and learning to cope with them is a life lesson. Not, everyone will celebrate "me" when I encounter uncomfortable situations, obstacles, and opposition to my personal desires. On the other hand, we also do not need young women feeling bad about saying no! Did You Know... Neurodivergent is Not a Disability? Sure it may qualify some individuals for services, accommodations, and other assistance. However, life happens and we have a responsibility to treat neurodivergent individuals "typical" in those situations. If our minds are geared toward lower expectations, then we set them up for failure. For example, a parent who continuously allows a neurodivergent child to misbehave shapes the child to learn that negative behaviors are acceptable. Pertaining to the article, for every disappointment that this young man will have in life, we need to show him that he can recover on his own. Not that he asked for all of the sorrow and support, but it happened due to his condition. Instead, increase a neurodivergent individual's social communications skills in preparation for these disappointing situations, as his mother mentioned in the article. This will help neurodivergent individuals more than singling them out when upsetting life events occur to them. Here are 5 tips to replace pity with understanding how to provide support for neurodivergent individuals. 1) Private Conversations The impact of your behavior can be hurtful. Do not devalue neurodivergent individuals by using your pity to "help them." One of the best things that you can do is to have private conversations instead of public ones. In the aforementioned situation, why would this young man want the public to focus on his rejection? Of course, the outpouring of love was wonderful, but now we all know that he was rejected. Not to mention, being a teenager is already difficult without have a young woman turn you down publicly. Personal, one-on-one conversations are helpful with practicing social communication skills in preparing for big days, such as the one above in the article which can also provide increased confidence, support, and reassurance in their decisions. 2) Neurodivergent Guilt Do not provide a crutch when a crutch is not needed by you. To combat this error is to stop being critical. Your perception of neurodivergent individuals may be wrong; guides your thoughts., and then your actions. In return, you can make this person feel fundamentally flawed because they cannot meet your expectations. When you seem to celebrate negative outcomes, as the one in the article, it may feel positive in the moment for you to choose the type of support that you believe they need, but did you ask them? Your choice is about your own pity based upon your perception of what that person needs in that moment. Why? Because you see the atypicality first, then the person. I am the opposite: I see the person first then their needs based upon what they tell me. This is how I remain positive minus sorrow when life happens to them. It allows me to focus on the person and not their condition. It also means that this person feels "typical." 3) What They Feel Versus What You Assume Well, we all know the cliche about assumptions. It is not about your feelings, but how you deal with them toward others. Know and understand how damaging premeditated thoughts can be toward others. Neurodivergent individuals may not feel the way that you think that they do. Instead, ask them their thoughts or what helps them to determine the best course of action in situations. Your beliefs influence how you perceive neurodivergent individuals and assume about how they perceive the world. It may not make sense to you, but there is no need in making them feel inadequate or believing that your way is best. Sometimes, increasing the self-esteem of someone neurodivergent can be challenging but most have a positive self-image of themselves. Let's not change that because, for example, they need to behave a certain way based upon your rules and expectations. In other words, don't compare them to you. 4) Stop the Judgments This will cause them to hide and feel shameful. Behaviors are not linear and the judgment will cause neurodivergent people to hide their authentic personalities. Being neurodivergent is not a flaw; they are not broken or incomplete people who are nonhuman. Sometimes we forget that neurodivergent people are, in fact people with human rights. Your persistent need in trying to change them by insisting on, for example, sustained eye contact in conversations or defining their behavior based upon your standards rather than their individuality is hurtful. "Variety is the spice of life," is what my grandfather use to say about societies expectations versus individual differences. We do not need to determine what is valuable about others through our views. Your perception should not guide what should be discarded or developed to matched your expectations. You need a full understanding of a situation before action. You may be taking unnecessary pity in a way of devaluing the ability to process situations of neurodivergent people. I am asking you to be careful of the ways in which you treat the neurodivergent differently. They are atypical, but in this situation it smacks as a kind of pity that is harmful than helpful. Pity cannot be hurtful; that's not contributing to their growth, or development. 5) Stop Babying Them I really do want to scream, "stop it" about treating the neurodivergent as if they need to be coddled. Even neurodivergent toddlers need structure and discipline over denial and acceptance of poor behaviors. Pampering in difficult situations is not always the best choice for support. The world will not always affectionately help the neurodivergent, and if you treat them this way as children, they will internalize that this response is (worldly) acceptable. Instead, show concern with empowerment and not with coddling or baby talk which makes them feel stupid. Actually, that response toward them is annoying to them, and does not teach them survival skills or slow down your speech. Their resiliency and vocabularies are far more expansive than ours and you are belittling them by automatically thinking that they are not intelligent enough to learn and/or grasp rules, expectations, and understand your natural language. Being neurodivergent does not mean a developmental delay. You may, at times, need to use a lower tone for "some" individuals with autism for example, but that is due to sensitive hearing and not low intelligence. Do not assume incompetence and change your behavior based upon their condition. From the "typical," this is a degrading behavior and sometimes, parenting is the problem in this situation. Some parents of neurodivergent children treat them as if they are "different" with their own compensating behaviors (i.e., speaking for them, cutting them off mid-sentence, using infantile speech, teaching structure, and loose discipline). In other words, they overly compensate for neurodivergent children when it is not always necessary especially when their speech is intact. These behaviors come from a place of care and concern, but it is also a type of ignorance. To a neurodivergent person, being kind in the face of ignorance is easier than trying to educate. However, they do talk badly about you once you leave their presence due to your degrading behaviors toward them! So, "stop it." I see you. Are You Neurodivergent? Comment Below. 
Image by Mohammed Shafi from Pixabay
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