Q20: "Am I Raising A Serial Killer?" The Mother, Part I

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"Am I Raising A Serial Killer?"
Yes, you read that correctly. Mothers want to know! There are 3 parts to this topic and for today's blog, we will discuss Part I, The Mother.

​The Mother
​Maternal figures are commonly the focus of conversation pertaining to the makings of a serial killer. How mothers parent their children does contribute; however, their behaviors are not always the primary target, nor do they count more than the father's or another caregiver. Mother's of serial killers have been known to be cruel, hostile, and brutal toward their children. This has been documented numerous times and accounted by actual serial killers.

Countless articles are available that detail the personalities and characteristics of mothers of serial killers. For this blog, however, we are going to discuss mothers in terms of the type of parenting that causes aggression in children and how to decrease that behavior. Notice as you read articles about serial killers that their aggressive behaviors do NOT begin as adults, but children. If you believe that your children behave in an aggressive manner that concerns you, seek help from a behavior therapist or psychologist. Here are 3 maternal behaviors that I commonly associated with the makings of aggressive behavior in children:

1. The Hateful Mother: Abused herself as a child, she transfers this hurt onto her children and mistreats them. She becomes what she despises the most; the people who were cruel toward her. She is angry and can be violent causing trauma and suffering to her children.
   • This one is pretty obvious right? Mothers cannot neglect their children, as several mothers of serial kills did to them. Nor can they lock their children in closets or basements, starve them, never show them love, and expect the kids to return love or to know how to love other people. These women are cruel toward their children. The children hate women (or men) and/or women who at times, favor their mothers. In reading articles about the mother's of serial kills, many of them were raised by abusive mothers.
2. The Umbrella Mother: Ever met a true "umbrella mother?" She will not allow her children to have a life outside of her watchful eye. She is fiercely overprotective and even when her children are defiant, she will protect them from harm, scrutiny, and her perception of unfair treatment from outsiders. Her child's environment is enclosed to the outside world unless she is 100% present. 
   1. The last umbrella mother that I met was afraid of the outside world and would not allow her child to leave home. The child was not allowed to attend school. The only person this child interacted with was her and when the child began to display oppositional and odd behaviors, she denied it. She covered it and shared that she would be the person to "fix" these problems. This child grew increasingly aggressive. The child brutally attacked her.
3. The Passive Mother: Denial is this mother's best friend. She is passive, quiet, and hides problems under a rug or in the closet. She believes in a specific image in society and when that is jeopardized, she ignores it. Aggressive behaviors are allowed because she does not deal with them. Her child abuses her and she walks away without dealing with the problem. In return, her child learns that violence is acceptable.
   1. Passive parenting is a mistake. Denying a child's challenges is willful ignorance. The child is typically void of needed assistance from professionals. This mother is more concerned about society's view of her children than the reality of their problems. These are the mothers who say, "But he was a good boy, he would never hurt anyone" in court. All the while, the child was killing squirrels in the backyard since he was 3-years-old and she was fully aware of it. 

All of these mothering behaviors are abnormal; however, aggressive children view them as normal. At least, that is what serial killers have mentioned in interviews. If you fall into one of the 3 categories of mothers described above, then your behaviors may contribute to aggressive behaviors in your child(ren). Here's what you can do to improve your parenting skills to prevent or improve child aggression:

• Seek therapy for yourself
  • Deal with your past trauma
• Do NOT abuse or neglect your children
  • Mandated reporters will contact Child Protective Services
  • That is the law!
• Allow your children to explore their environment outside of home
  • They can have a life without you and feel safe
  • Do not give your children anxiety with your worries
    
  • That is not fair to them
• Learn to manage aggressive behaviors
  • Ignoring them causes them to increase 
  • They learn aggressive behaviors from you
• Seek child behavior therapy
  • Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
  • Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Remain calm
  • Breath/count to 10
  • Walk away for your own time-out
• Stop giving children what they want when tantruming
  • I see this ALL of the time
  • You are reinforcing their negative behaviors with rewards
  • They learn tantruming is acceptable
• Compliment and reward positive behaviors
  • Tell your children positive words and affirmations
  • Rewards can be small or large as needed
• Help your child identify emotions
  • Draw pictures
  • Use charts
  • Show facial expressions and emotions
  • Teach alternative behaviors other than anger/aggressions
• Know your child's triggers; keep data patterns in writing
  • Use, "It's About Time: For A Parenting Journal" 
    • By, Dr. Lisa Liggins-Chambers

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