1) Raising Narcissists:
Tell your kids NO! If you do not tell them no, the world will, and it will be a rude awakening. I know you want to give your kids the world, but that is not acceptable without allowing them to learn that they cannot always get their way. The world does not revolve around them, and it is your job not to raise them not to be so self-centered. And yes, you can still spoil your children without causing them to be little narcissists. Make them earn their way into your wallets.
2) Pressure To Perform:
My goodness, allow your kids to fail because that's called "life." Without failure, there is no learning. Since kids are not perfect people, it is ok to allow them to fail, in order to learn how to succeed, suffer consequences, and focus on rebuilding their lives. Children are resilient and should understand that mistakes can happen. However, f you do not allow them to recover on their own, how will they learn and grow? Don't be a Marlon (Finding Nemo)!
Your kids are not you! Stop transferring your past life onto your children. If your child does not want to make the choices that you should have in life, it's their lives! What is wrong with them making their own life choices? If they do not want to have the same amount of education as you do; or better yet, choose YOUR chosen career field and/or aspirations, that is also their choice. Stop treating them as if they must be a little you. You did not like it when your parents determined your life for you, and your kids do not need to tolerate that behavior either. Allow them to grow independent of you.
Teens in my care have complained about parental sports pressure the most to me, and they usually had some form of (sports) anxiety. Many of you put far too much pressure on your kids to become athletes with thoughts of them going pro. What are the odds of that happening to them? Stop making them feel bad because they may know perform, athletically, as you think that they should to play in college or go pro. Focus on why this is important to you and lay off your children's psyche and athletic skills because you are hurting them. I observe you all just being angry at your kids after games, rival teams, rival coaches, and sometimes your home team and coaches. There have been times I wanted to scream, "What's wrong with you..." in my own frustration toward bad parental behavior at sporting events. Stop it.
This one should be obvious, but it is not and that is unfortunate. I am stressing here the "hidden" abandonment. You know, the kids who are living large but alone in their lives? Your children need you! Stop leaving them in the world to fend for themselves and only providing them with financial means. I have seen this parental behavior end in tragedy for children because even as teens, they cannot make the right choices on their own. You are their best option for training them to be well-rounded adults who can make the right decisions.
Show compassion and concern toward your children. Do you know how hurtful not having your love is toward your children? They would rather have love from you than anything more in this world, and if you are not providing them with love, then you are hurting them. If you have trouble showing. your own children love, then seek therapeutic interventions because they deserve that from you. They did not ask to come into this world, and it is your job to love them. Stop yelling at them all of the time! Tell them some things that they are doing right by adding your positive words, thoughts, and a few "I love you's" now and then to balance your expectations.
7) Emotional Abuse:
Yes, this can be hidden, and it is one of the most devastating blows to a child's self-esteem. Stop it. You do not appreciate constant criticism, judgments, or dismissal of your feelings, right? You children do not like it either and everyone deserves a right to be free from any form of abuse. This is the type of wound on children that may not go away, and they can have a hard time recovering from it. Please keep in mind that children are highly impressionable and will mimic your emotional teachings onto other people. Hurt people, hurt people. Help your kids to heal instead of hurting them.
Either experiencing trauma or inflicting it upon your child is a huge NO. I firmly believe that trauma is the root cause of most mental health conditions. Not only do you want to protect your child from trauma, but you do not want to be the cause of it either. Why is it hidden? Because you cannot always see trauma! At times, parents do not realize that they are the catalyst for some of the traumatic experiences that their child endures, which is also a reason some children need trauma-focused therapy. Trauma can also be the result of the modeling of your own behaviors as your child observes you. For example, are you frequently aggressively arguing with your significant other? Guess what... that's how you taught your child to have disagreements. Although you cannot be a perfect parent, it is your responsibility to teach your child appropriate behaviors, such as effective arguing or how not to be a bully toward others by way of your actions.
9) Resistance To Change:
When you are afraid of change, you hurt your child. Being stuck in old ways of discipline or maintaining your stance on certain topics may not be the best choice or reaction to your 2022 child. Resistance to change is just being stubborn and at times, irrational. You can keep the discipline going for example but alter the technique. Or you can listen to your child's thoughts without shutting them down or tuning them out because they have an opinion. Disrespectful opinions and words, absolutely not kids!! However, parents, kids can have a voice too. Shutting them down only hurts them. You do not like it when your boss shuts you down do you?
Oh man, stop lying to your kids - which makes me smile by the way. But seriously, I have encountered parents who lie about health ailments to get attention from their children, and small things such as how they grew up in the "old neighborhood." Lying is not the best way to instruct your kids on how to gather the emotional fulfillment that they need. When your kids discover the truth, not only will you be embarrassed but they will question if the life they have been living is all based upon a lie as well. Do not traumatize your kids that way; be who you are, and they will love and appreciate you for knowing your truth.
It's Nemo! Photo Courtesy: www.pinterest.com/pin/464011567851263863/