Q33: Red Flag Relationship Series, III: "Recovering from Red Flag Relationships"

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​Recovering from Red Flag Relationships
I hope that you are better able to identify red flags internally, as well as spotting them in your relationship after reading my last two blogs. Pay attention to red flags to avoid repeating the same cycles which cause toxic relationships. Recognize red flags and determine if your relationship is toxic. You have a duty to protect your mental and emotional health. You can avoid negative behaviors, lack of respect, and an unhealthy dynamics in your relationships which can cause serious emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical consequences. You deserve to be in a relationship that brings positivity and fulfillment into your life.

Recovering from red flag relationships can be a challenging process, believe me, I know. Whether you are the red flag in your relationship or your partner, it is possible to heal and move forward in a healthier way. It takes self-reflection, support, and commitment to personal growth. One of the greatest gifts that I gave to myself was learning how to love me. This experience included being alone for a very long time to understand myself which caused me to improve and upgrade my choices in relationships. My process was simple and it worked for me. You can tailor my suggestions to suit your beliefs, personality, and lifestyle. Here’s what I did to assist with my own journey:

Prayer
• I prayed over myself and my future marriage. I added everything that I wanted in a partner. I also wrote it all on paper and placed it inside of my bible. I actually went back and took the paper out of my bible and added, “And he must know how to cook.” Then, I put it back and never took it out again or thought about it. I decided that I would no longer worry about relationships. I let go.

Let Go
• I thought, when someone comes into my life, I will be healed. I am going to be happy. Letting go of hurt, pain, and other emotional baggage opens you up to possibilities instead of you being closed off to opportunities. When you are emotionally drained, exhausted, anxious, or sad due to past conflicts and negativity, you will put those feelings before new ones. Acknowledge and validate your emotions. Allow yourself to process the emotions you may be experiencing and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship or the disappointment caused by the red flags. 

Be Open to Healthy Relationships
• As you heal and grow, be open to the possibility of healthy, supportive, and fulfilling relationships. Remember that not all relationships are the same, and with increased self-awareness, you can make more informed choices moving forward.

Establish Healthy Boundaries
• Reflect on the red flags you observed in past relationships and use this information to set clear and healthy boundaries for future relationships. Learn from your experiences and identify what you will not tolerate in a partner or relationship moving forward.

Learn from Your Experience
• Use the red flag relationship as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. Reflect on what you have learned about yourself, your needs, and your boundaries. Identify any patterns or behaviors that may have contributed to the unhealthy relationship and work on improving them.

Focus on Self-Care 
• Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques, exercise regularly, and ensure you are getting enough rest.

Take Your Time!
• Stop using other relationships to heal. All you are doing is masking your pain while padding more relationships problems onto an already broken person (you). This behavior is toxic. Do not rely on others to make you happy. Healing from a red flag relationship takes time, and it's okay to take things at your own pace. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space and time needed to heal and move forward.

Seek Support from Loved Ones
• Reach out to friends, family, or a support network to talk about your experiences and feelings. Sharing your thoughts and emotions with others can provide validation, understanding, and perspective. I am a huge fan of sharing feeling, thoughts, and behaviors with trusted friends; however, they are not mental health professionals and do not have the skills to monitor your mental health or assist you in recovering. Still, many of you will rely on unskilled friendships and family members since therapy will require you to,

• Opening up about personal thoughts and emotions that can make you feel vulnerable and exposed. You may worry about being judged or not being able to handle the emotions that arise during therapy.
• Explore difficult emotions and challenging thought patterns. Some of you may be apprehensive about facing your issues and the potential changes that therapy could bring.
• To talk about painful experiences or that therapists will force you to "dig up" past traumas. Newsflash: We do not force anyone to talk but you should to heal. Therapy can help you process your emotions, work through unresolved issues, and develop healthier relationship patterns.

The Path to Recovery
Recovering from a red flag relationship is an ongoing process. You may have setbacks or difficult moments along the way. Be kind to yourself and remember that healing takes time. Focus on your growth and well-being, and with time and support, you can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future. Indicators to know that you are on the path to recovery include:

1. Improved self-awareness: You have gained a deeper understanding of your emotions, triggers, and past patterns of behavior. 
   
2. Emotional acceptance and regulation: You have learned to accept and process your emotions related to the red flag relationship. 
   
3. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries: You can identify when someone's behavior is crossing those boundaries and act to protect yourself.
   
4. Increased self-esteem and self-compassion: You no longer blame yourself for the problems in the previous relationship and have learned to treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
   
5. Openness to new relationships: You are more open to forming healthier connections with others.
   
6. Reduced impact of triggers: Reminders of the past have become less potent, and you can navigate them more effectively.
   
7. Less rumination about the past: You spend less time ruminating about the past and have shifted your focus more on the present and future.
   
8. Feeling content and at peace: You have a sense of contentment and peace with the decisions you've made and the progress you've achieved in your recovery.

You can be done with red flag relationships and move towards healthier, more fulfilling connections. Break free from red flag relationships and focus on building healthier relationships in the future. Remember that prioritizing your well-being and personal growth is a continuous journey.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay