Q32: Red Flag Relationship Series, Part II: "How To Spot Red Flags in Relationships?"

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Red Flags in Relationships
Although it did not take me a long time to identify "Red Flags in Relationships," it surely took me awhile to learn to walk away from them. I am no different than all of you, especially in my early 20s. You see, I had a boyfriend that I loved a lot and it took me a few years to cut him loose. He was a liar and a cheater. I took him back a few times because I believed in him more than I did myself. However, he pissed me off one final time and I was done. I did not look back. You know what that did for me? It allowed me to not only prove to myself that I could let love go, but that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for AND I learned to love me. 

After that moment, I fully grasped the ability to run away from negative relationships and I kept it. After reading this blog, I want you to get to the point where you can spot red flags, internalize them, and make the best decision for your life, and not the other person. To do this, hopefully you read Part I of this red flag blog series to understand yourself better. Now for this blog, lets first determine if you are the type of person in relationships who...

• Believes she is Florence Nightingale in relationships and needs to save a man?
  • I call this, "But, He's A Good Man Syndrome."
• Believe that you can fix a woman due to your financial status?
  • "Captain Save-Them-Tho."
• Enjoys constant drama/problems in relationships?
  • "Histrionic" and compensating for underlying emptiness.
• Fears intimacy and closeness?
  • "Keep love away from me at all costs."
• Sabotage relationships pushing people out?
  • In other words, "I am scared to get close in relationships."

Does one of them seem like you? I was Florence Nightingale in relationships and wore "helper" on my forehead, as do most individuals in the psychology field. This difference with me is, I took it off! Men aggravated me enough to the point where I was done with them for a long time! When I was ready to date again in my early 30s, I taught myself to observe, listen, wait/pause, and focus on myself. I also finished school and enjoyed being alone.

You will learn everything you need to know about your significant other if you are quiet and listen. After I learned this, if I spotted what I perceived as a red flag, (and I did), no matter how hard it was, I let the person go. I was true to myself before developing any emotions for another. Does it mean that you will be free of mistakes? Of course not because you are human. Understand that gathering evidence does not cause you to choose perfect relationships. However, t equips you to become more aware of what you will accept while getting to know someone. So the next when your radar goes off, it is much easier to accept someone as they present themselves and move on. if you encounter a red flag. Proper preparation!

Let's start by identifying some red flags in relationships. This is to maintain and protect your well-being and ensure your future healthy connections to others. Here are some common red flags to watch out for:

1. Lack of respect: If your partner consistently disrespects you, belittles you, or disregards your boundaries, it's a significant red flag. Respect is essential in a healthy relationship.
2. Controlling behavior: If your partner tries to control your actions, restrict your independence, isolates you from loved ones, or constantly monitors your activities, it indicates an unhealthy power dynamic.
3. Jealousy and possessiveness: Occasional jealousy is normal, but excessive and irrational jealousy can be a red flag. A partner who is overly possessive or constantly accuses you of infidelity without evidence may have trust issues or be attempting to manipulate and control you.
4. Lack of communication or emotional unavailability: Healthy relationships require open and honest communication. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important topics, dismisses your feelings, or is emotionally unavailable, it can lead to unresolved issues and a lack of intimacy.
5. Disrespectful or verbal, emotional, or physical abuse: Any form of disrespect, verbal or physical abuse, or controlling behavior should never be tolerated in a healthy relationship. These behaviors indicate a lack of respect, equality, and safety. Any form of abuse, whether it is verbal, emotional, or physical, is a severe red flag. It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being. 
6. Dishonesty and deceit: Consistent lying, withholding information, or breaking trust erode the foundation of a healthy relationship. Trust is essential, and repeated dishonesty is a significant red flag.
7. Disregard for boundaries: Healthy relationships respect each other's boundaries. If your partner consistently ignores or dismisses your boundaries, whether they are physical, emotional, or personal, it's a sign of disrespect and potential coercion.
8. Lack of accountability: Partners who refuse to take responsibility for their actions, blame others, or fail to apologize and make amends when they have wronged you may not be capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.
9. Incompatible values or goals: It's important to be with a partner who shares similar values, beliefs, and goals. If you find that you and your partner have fundamental differences that are irreconcilable or if they consistently disregard or dismiss your values and goals, it can lead to ongoing conflicts and dissatisfaction.
10. Avoiding Intimacy: Intimacy often requires vulnerability and emotional openness. Some individuals may have a fear of being hurt, rejected, or judged, which leads them to avoid deep emotional connections. This fear can stem from past experiences of trauma, rejection, or abandonment. 

How To End Red Flag Relationships
Paying attention to red flags in relationships is essential for your well-being and the health of your relationship. Red flags are warning signs that indicate potential problems or unhealthy dynamics. Concluding red flags in relationships involves making a decision about whether to continue or end the relationship based on the presence of significant warning signs. Here's what you can do to help make the best decision for you:

1. Identify and assess the red flags: Make a list of the red flags or concerning behaviors you have observed in the relationship. Evaluate the severity and frequency of these behaviors and consider their impact on your well-being and the overall health of the relationship.
2. Reflect on your needs and boundaries: Take the time to reflect on your own needs, values, and boundaries in relationships. Consider whether the red flags align with your core values and if they violate your personal boundaries. Your well-being and emotional safety should be a priority.
3. Seek outside perspective and support: It can be helpful to seek input from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. They can offer an objective perspective and provide guidance based on their own experiences or expertise.
4. Communicate your concerns: If you feel comfortable and safe doing so, communicate your concerns and observations with your partner. Share how their behavior has affected you and discuss your boundaries and expectations for a healthy relationship. Their response and willingness to address the issues can provide further insight into the viability of the relationship.
5. Consider the potential for change: Assess whether the red flags are behaviors that can be addressed, improved, or changed through open communication, therapy, or professional help. It's important to consider whether your partner is genuinely willing to recognize and work on their problematic behaviors.
6. Prioritize your well-being: Ultimately, the decision to conclude the relationship depends on what is best for your well-being and happiness. If the red flags persist or if you feel unsafe, unfulfilled, or consistently disregarded, it may be necessary to end the relationship for your own emotional and physical safety.

Conclusion
Determining how to deal with red flags in relationships is a deeply personal decision, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. No relationship is perfect, and people can exhibit occasional negative behaviors. However, if you consistently notice multiple red flags or a pattern of concerning behavior, it may be necessary to reassess the relationship and prioritize your well-being. Trust your instincts and DO NOT ignore red flags. You want peace in relationships...

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