Q27: Failure

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

​Failure
When you fail, if you’re anything like me, you take it to heart. You’ve worked hard at achieving a goal, though, the fruits of your labor were not enough to cause you to pass. I’ve been so annoyed with failure over the years that admittedly, it turns into anger for me. Maybe a few you of you are that way too, and others cry. I get mad over failure. However, I find the strength to tackle the problem until I am successful. I want to teach you how to get your stamina back after failure in order to focus on your goals. 

What does failure do to us? 

• Failure can break us.
• Failure can interfere.
• Failure hurts.
• Failure angers us.
• Failure makes us sad.
• Failure causes distractions.
• Failure can win if we allow it to do so.

I failed multiple times within my career. My failures started in undergraduate school and still occur today. When I think about my life, failures are what shaped me into who I am. Failure was never easy for me then, nor is it easy to cope with now. My mother used to say,

“I did not raise a quitter!”

And she meant it too. She kept my spirit high and continued to encourage me nonstop until my goal was accomplished.

Thank you, Mom!

Her words to me is a phrase that strikes my heart every time I fail at something especially when I know I should pass. For me, it is my mother’s words that caused me to keep working at a goal, along with the fact that I am mentally defiant. Some would call it being stoic. Meaning, I refuse to give into failure even if I am mad as hell about it. I have always been rebellious in my thinking with regard to my failures. When people tell me, I can’t I do I am numb to failure. Too many people have told me that I was not going to be able to…

• Become a Psychologist (because I am Black)
• Become a doctor (because I am Black)
• Work with children (because my GPA was not always a 4.0)
• And the list goes on… (It is long)

These types of comments will cause one to become mentally tough and start thinking, “Failure will not defeat me.” Although you are sad now, I want you to empower yourself enough to understand that when you fail, you grieve as long as you need to, then learn from it. Then, you figure out a plan to conquer what binds you in your process. 

What Is Failure?
Failure is often associated with negative emotions, disappointment, and a sense of setback. Our society does not normalize failure enough at all. It is a natural and inevitable part of life and we all experience it at some point in our journey. In fact, failure can serve as a catalyst for growth and improvement.

Failure can be defined as the lack of success in achieving a desired goal, outcome, or expectation. It refers to the state or condition of not meeting the intended or expected result. Failure can occur in various aspects of life, such as personal endeavors, professional pursuits, academic endeavors, relationships, or even in specific tasks or projects.

The perception of failure varies among individuals. Some view failure as a temporary setback or a stepping stone towards success, while others may perceive it as a definitive and permanent defeat. How one interprets and responds to failure plays a crucial role in personal development and future endeavors.

How Do You Respond to Failure?

First, I know that failure is not inherently negative. I learn valuable lessons, insights, and experiences that contribute to my personal growth, resilience, and the development of new strategies. Embracing failure has become a part of me and overtime, I develop a positive mindset to bounce back.

How Do I Recover From Failure?
At times it was not to study harder, but ask others how to get what I needed done. It was to rely on other people to tell me what to do and how to do it. You can never be too proud not to ask for help when in need of it. Nor can you be stubborn either and decline help when it is offered. Here is what I do to recover:

• I start with introspection to determine how I contributed to my own failure
• I allow myself to be angry about my failure(s)
• I never feel sorry for myself
• I talk to my family and friends
• I lean on other professions; I am not ashamed to tell others that I failed
• I listen to the experiences of other professionals
• Then, I act, such as adding other services (coaching, tutoring, and etc.)
• Lastly, I try again until I win

Recently, I learned from a 4-year-old child to “try again.” This child also told me “good” to allowing others to help me when I fail. Out of the mouths of babes, right? It was an incredible moment for me and a lesson that I want to share with all of you. You must “cowboy up” as my husband says, and get it done.

I Am Embarrassed Because I Failed
Your failure was unplanned, frustrating, and disheartening, I know. Been there. Our personal goals are high and we can invest a lot of time, energy, and money into accomplishing our dreams. Now is the time to grieve. 

• Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge your emotions.
• Give yourself permission to experience failure in a healthy way. 
• Gain perspective.
• Recognize that failure is a part of life. 
• Analyze the situation. 
• Look for opportunities for growth that can be derived from the failure. 
• Be kind and compassionate to yourself. 

What Do I Do Now?
Remember, other people fail as well especially the ones that you perceive as perfect. If you get them in a corner 1-to-1, they will tell you how they failed multiple times. I want you to set new goals, adjust your strategies, and gain a clear understanding of what went wrong. Monitor your progress to keep you motivated along the way. Go ahead and create a timeline and deadlines and regularly review and adjust your timeline as needed. Don’t forget to share your goals with trusted friends, family members, or mentors who can provide support and accountability. This is the one area that I find most people are afraid to do as a result of fear. Tell others what has happened to you to allow them to emotionally support you. It helps. Finally, setting new goals doesn't mean you won't face challenges or setbacks in the future. You may fail again at something important to you, but always embrace the learning mindset and,

“If At First You Don't Succeed, Then Dust Yourself Off and Try Again” – "Try Again" by Aaliyah Dana Haughton RIP

Image by Marta Kulesza from Pixabay