Q25: Helicopter Moms

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Helicopter Moms
My experience with helicopter moms is significant because I encounter this behavior quite often in my career. The severity has ranged from mild to severe and every mother's story is different; behaviors are justified, and in most cases their behavior(s) negatively impacted their children. We carry our children for 9 months and release them into the world; I am a mother, I get it. Nevertheless, Dory (Finding Nemo, 2003), said it best, youtu.be/zEMcEYZr7Cw Go ahead, click the YouTube link. This is the most powerful part of the movie to me, and I also share Dory's sentiments while speaking to Marlon:

• Dory: That's a funny thing to promise.
• Marlin: What?
• Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then, nothing would ever happen to him.

What Is a Helicopter Mom?
A "helicopter mom" is a parent who is overly involved in their child's life, often to the point of being controlling or smothering. A mother who is constantly hovering over their child, ready to intervene or solve problems at the slightest sign of difficulty. If you identify with the following characteristics, then you are a helicopter mom:

• Need to use excessive control and intervention
• Micromanage your child's activities
• Constantly monitoring their academic progress
• Interfere in your child's social interactions
• Shield your child from any potential disappointment or failure
• Intervene to protect your child from negative experiences

How Does Being a Helicopter Mom Hurt My Kids?
While I am positive that your intentions are good because you want to help your child succeed; however, your "helicopter mom" behavior can have negative consequences.  Here are some examples:

• Lack of independence: You are far too overly involved in your children's life. Children need the opportunity to develop independence and decision-making skills. You don't want them overly reliant on you, right? Or, struggle to make decisions or solve problems on their own?
• Low self-esteem: Children of helicopter moms may develop a low sense of self-worth and self-esteem. They may feel that they are not capable of handling challenges or solving problems on their own.
• Anxiety and stress: Being a helicopter mom can also lead to increased anxiety and stress in children. When mothers are constantly hovering and monitoring their children's activities, it can create a sense of pressure and stress that can be overwhelming for children.
• Reduced resilience: Children of helicopter moms may have reduced resilience and struggle to cope with setbacks or failures. They may feel that they are unable to handle challenges on their own and may not develop the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges.
• Poor social skills: Helicopter mom behavior can also negatively impact children's social skills. When parents are overly involved in their children's social lives, children may not have the opportunity to develop social skills such as communication, problem-solving, and conflict resolution.

Why am I a Helicopter Mom?
I questioned this behavior several times in mothers who self-identified as helicopter moms. Some have anxiety, trauma, and other fears of the world. Here are some possible reasons:

• Anxiety: It can be a manifestation of parental anxiety. Some mothers may worry excessively about their child's safety, well-being, or future success, which can lead to overprotective or controlling behavior.
• Parental pressure: Society puts a lot of pressure on mothers to raise successful, high-achieving children. Some mothers may feel that they need to be actively involved in their child's life in order to ensure their success.
• BIG one here! Lack of trust: Helicopter mom behavior can also be a result of a lack of trust in others. Some mothers may feel that they are the only ones who can properly care for their child or make decisions on their behalf.
• Personal history: Helicopter mothers may also be influenced by their own childhood experiences. If a mother experienced neglect or lack of parental involvement in her own childhood, she may overcompensate by being overly involved in her child's life.
• Cultural factors: Cultural expectations and norms can also play a role in shaping parenting styles. For example, some cultures place a strong emphasis on parental involvement and may encourage helicopter parenting.

How Can I Stop Being a Helicopter Mom?
If you recognize that you may be a helicopter mom and want to stop, here are some steps you can take:

• Identify your fears: Start by reflecting on what fears or anxieties are driving your helicopter parenting behavior. 
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around your involvement in your child's life. .
• Practice letting go: Allow your child to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes. 
• Foster open communication: Encourage open communication with your child. 
• Seek support: Consider seeking the support of a therapist or counselor to help you work through any underlying anxieties or fears that may be contributing to your helicopter parenting behavior.

It is important for helicopter moms to strike a balance between being involved in their child's life and giving them space to learn and grow. While it is natural to want to protect and support your children, you must allow them to experience challenges and develop their own coping strategies. This can help children gain resilience, self-reliance, and a sense of autonomy.

-I did not say it was easy!

​Helicopter parenting is not limited to mothers, and can be exhibited by any parent regardless of gender. Despite their reasons, it's important for parents to be aware of the potential negative consequences of helicopter parenting. Changing your parenting style takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your child as you work towards a healthier and more balanced approach to parenting. 

Remember, you did not want your parents hovering over you... 

Image by Adina Voicu from Pixabay