Blog 39: "Children's Fears About Death"

Just Between US
My family and I play a game every evening during dinner called "Just Between Us." It is a game that was inspired by a very good friend of mine, who is a podcaster herself @imagineyourselfpodcast. She sent the game to me to use with my family, as she does with hers, to learn more about their inner most thoughts and to keep the conversations going at dinner. The object is to pull a random card and answer the question.

A few days ago, I pulled a card that asked, "What are your greatest fears?" We all answered the question, then my youngest daughter started to cry as she described her greatest fear. She mentioned, "Daddy is getting older, and I am afraid." She just teared up, but I knew what she meant about her father. She tried to share that she was afraid that him getting older would mean that he would pass away. She said, "Yes, and that means that I will never see him again." Honestly, the Psychologist in me kicked in because I wanted to know more about what death meant to her. However, Mommy went into overdrive and I told her how I have some of the same fears about my own father, and even dreamed of him in death a few times. So, our game turned into a discussion about death. She was overcome with sadness and kept staring at her father; it was time to stop our conversation, for now.

​Death
Many children fear death. The unknown can be scary to children, but children who can see ghosts discussed death quite a bit with me. It is perfectly fine to discuss death with your children. We need to be honest with them to help them to understand emotions and how to live after the loss of a loved one. Many people believe that death is not an event that children need to be aware of, or participate in when it happens. Children are resilient; far more than adults, if given the opportunity. Besides, children learn how to have positive emotions and how to express them from adults. If they never see adults cry, or get angry, then we do a disservice to the development of a child's emotional stability. 

Most of the Nebulous Children that I encountered feared death. Most of them understood death and the difference between the types of ghosts that they could see, and even taught me about it. Differences such as dark versus light, angelic wings or not, and could determine whether or not ghosts were being deceptive. The emotional instability however, would lie within them understanding death. Recall, Nebulous Children were aware that what they were seeing was different, and something that most people cannot do. These kids were fully aware that what they saw were ghosts, but understanding how they became ghosts was the common question. The concept of death was in relation to, "Why are they ghosts?"

Why Are They Ghosts?
Such an interesting question, and I was more than willing to answer it because it typically caused a discussion that centered around death. I was always honest with Nebulous Children, as I am with my own children, and let them know that I was no Forensic Pathologist or end of life specialist. However, I wanted to help them process their questions. The capability to see ghosts gave Nebulous children more insight and curiosity about death. It seemed as if it was not as scary to them, in comparison for example, to my daughter above who cried at the thought of death. 

I explained the reason(s) that ghosts are ghosts to Nebulous Children by explaining death from my perspective grounded in my personal religious beliefs. Your answers will also depend upon your faith as well. Nebulous Children understand death by their visions meaning, dark versus light. Dark is scary and demonic to most of them, and white means Godly and angelic or good. Keep that perspective when speaking to them about death because that is how I framed my conversations with them.

Yes, death of the body is final but the spirit moves on into either light or dark. Many spirits appear as humans, and sometimes as children to Nebulous Children, especially the younger ones. I explained that as manipulation and to be careful when seeing, inviting, and talking to spirits that appear in the human form. Ironically, most teen Nebulous Children already understood that there was a need to be careful with ghosts that appear as humans, but the younger ones were more vulnerable. Young Nebulous Children were more vulnerable because ghosts did appear as children to them, or adult friends to gain their trust. Most teen Nebulous Children saw ghosts for so many years that they understood how to differentiate between light versus dark spirits. It was actually an impressive skill, but what hurt teen Nebulous Children the most was not being able to adequately deal with the emotional impact of their abilities. For example, feeling lonely and different than non-Nebulous teens.

The emotional impact of a teen Nebulous Child's abilities is what brought them to me. Most of them did not want to see ghosts - any longer.

• Why wouldn't they go away?
• Why are they ghosts?
• Why do they follow me to school?
• Why can't my friends see them too?
• How do I get rid of them?
• Will I be a ghost when I die?

​You see, the questions would mostly go back to death, or the concept of it. At times, I would discuss with parents how to talk to their kids about death. Many parents were afraid to bring the concept of death up to their children in conversations. However, since their kids could see paranormal activity, it was a conversation that they could not dismiss. Ghosts are ghosts because that is how they appear to you is how I would start the discussions with Nebulous Children. Dive into what they see and how it appears to them? Death does not mean that we all come back as ghosts, especially dark ones. Why they appear to some children and adults versus the rest of us is a question that we may not be able to answer. However, listening and learning from Nebulous Children decreases their fears and stabilizes and improves their mental health.

​Personally, I believe that children are closest to God and for some reason, He lifts the veil from their eyes. As they grow, some loose the ability to see ghosts because of societal interference. Others, keep the gift and will always have it. Ghosts appear randomly to individuals who can see them, including times of death. Meaning, after the death of a loved one. The connection may never be clear or empirically proven. However, we still need to embrace the ability that Nebulous Children believe that they have, and answer their questions about death and dying.

---

Thank you for reading my blog. Join me on Wednesdays at 5pm, Central Standard Time for  my podcast, "Happy Hour with Dr. Lisa." Listen live on Podbean, or watch me discuss this blog live on Instagram @kidscanseeghostscanyou. 

---