Blog 38: "Comforting Nebulous Children"

Parental Empathy
Even children who do not have the ability to see ghosts are scared of ghosts. Many of you are as well. Imagine if you could see ghosts; not all ghosts are scary, but many of them are terrifying to children. If you are a parent of a Nebulous Child, I am almost positive that finding answers has been difficult, not to mention the sleepless nights. I want to acknowledge your fears, thoughts, reservations, and confusion. It is difficult to know how to handle the emotions of Nebulous Children because most people are dismissive of your child's behaviors because it is, 

• In their heads
• Their imaginary friends
• Attributed to all kids are scared of monsters
• Labeled as ghosts do not exist
• Your kid being "crazy"

Yes, I know. Society can be unfriendly, uncompromising, insensitive, prejudiced, and insensitive toward individuals who they perceive as "different." Who said that different is a bad thing? The answer is easy; those who perceive themselves as all-knowing or who view you as a threat. Those individuals are the ones with the internal problems, not you. There are some occurrences in life that have no explanation or empirical research to use that explains why they happen. Having a Nebulous Child is one of those, "No one prepared me for this to happen within my baby," type of circumstances that occurs without knowing how to deal with it. Believe me, there will be more challenges because that is the life of a parent. Below outlines how I want you to begin to help your Nebulous Child.

Join Forces Your Nebulous Child
1. Learn to wear a shield of armor. You owe it to yourself to protect your feelings, along with your child's. Many parents neglect themselves which will not help you to defend your child. Listening to outside noise will only wear you out emotionally. To remain firm when you perceive another as attacking your child, wear a shield of armor to lesson your sensitivity. Sports parents understand how this safeguards their sanity, as opposed to running onto the court or field to attack opposite teams, although they want to fight. Been there! For example, my oldest child was a basketball player for years. Admittedly, I was once ready to come to blows with another team over my child. However, it was my child who said, "We attack on the court." Out of the mouths of babes right?! Best advice ever, and it worked. Instead, she would show me how her team would make "mistakes" when the ball, unexpectedly, would somehow get thrown harder at an opposing team. This is the mentality that you need parents, if you have a Nebulous Child.

2. Stay on Topic. Your Nebulous Child will tell you about seeing ghosts, just as kids with imaginary friends do with their parents. Remain on topic even if your child's experiences are unique to yours. One of the common mistakes that I found was that Nebulous Parents, or parents whose children see ghosts, would either ignore, dismiss, or veer off on tangents when their children would disclose their ability to them. How do you feel when other's treat you this way, as an adult? This is the same way that your children feels if you do this to them. Some parents find that seeing ghosts is silly or that ghosts do not exist; forgetting that to their children, they are very real and some are scary. As long as children will openly talk to you about their feeling, you need to listen and allow them to say what's needed to help them. Actively listen to them, and remain engaged. A part of being engaged in their concerns is asking questions. Children benefit from parents who respect their feelings and comfort them when distressed. It is hard to have a Nebulous Child, but when she or he tells you that they are feeling afraid, comfort them please. One of my kid's used to discuss Mr. Chicken who followed us to Florida once. I used to pretend to choke Mr. Chicken. It feels silly, but we left Mr. Chicken in Florida. Somehow he followed us to Illinois, but he is only allowed outside. Funny, right?

3. Discussing Death with Your Children. Death is a topic that many parents, overall, are afraid to discuss with their children. The best thing that we can do as parents, is to be open and honest about life events. If there is a death in your family, especially a close relative, talk to your children about it. Children need to develop coping mechanisms, as you did when you were a child. They are not fragile beings, and we can learn quite a bit from a child's development. When you cry over the loss, allow your children to see it. When you are angry over a death, it is perfectly fine to show that emotion, appropriately, to your children. Death has many emotional stages, and children need to learn and see that after those emotions settle, you survived. Nebulous Children understand that their ability is one that others may not endure, and they have questions for you about it. Many of them are fully aware that what they see is not human, even if it at times is in human form. They want to know if ghosts are dead people. Please answer their questions! 

4. Fears. Face Your Own Fears. Sometimes our fears are unbreakable and fears are irrational. It took a lot of work with parents who did not believe in ghosts, to understand that their feelings were second, compared to their Nebulous Children's experiences. If your apprehension is more dismissive of your child's encounters, then you are in that unbreakable category and must change. A Nebulous Child's ability to see ghosts is not a tragedy, nor is it a crime. It is not embarrassing or a reason to discipline them. Quite possibly, your own trepidations may be transferring onto your child, which can be damaging to your parent/child relationship. Nebulous Children are still people who require guidance and wisdom from you, even if you are not someone who can not see ghosts. Determine the catalyst for your own fears; introspection is a great tool to use to accomplish this task, then figure out how it is hurtful toward your Nebulous Child. Periodically, I look in the mirror and ask myself, "What did I do wrong?" Or, "What needs to change?" Afterwards, I apologize if warranted and make sure that I fix what I found within myself. *Writing helps too*

5. Watch Movies: Scary Ones Too. This is a tough one because it truly depends upon whether or not your child is ready. Years ago, my ex and I thought it was a good idea to take our daughter to see, "Finding Nemo" at the movies. She saw Bruce the shark and cried (laughing). She cried and said, "Nooooooo." We immediately left the movie theater and I do not think she saw that movie until she was about 6/7 years old. Watching movies to parents may not seem scary, but to kids they can be and we have to use our own parental judgment here. The question that I am often asked from all parents, not just Nebulous Parents, other than the death question is, "Should my kid watch scary movies?" I always say yes, if you perceive them as capable to do so. At times, Nebulous Children want to see scary movies because of confirmation bias, or the tendency to process information that is consistent with with one's existing beliefs. A few movies that I have suggested in the past: "Sixth Sense," "Monster House," "Casper," "Scooby Doo," and etc. My youngest will not watch Scooby Doo, but Monster's House was the winner this Halloween. Teenage Nebulous Children can handle more advanced scary movies because in their words, "It's not scary compared to what I see." However, remain vigilant with scary movie watching with Nebulous Teens. They have told me that some ghosts change form into those characters seen in movies to frighten them, (e.g., Freddy Krueger). 

6. Prayer. Let's Discuss Prayer. I have said many times that it does not matter whether you believe in prayer or not, it works when Nebulous Children are afraid. However, you must teach them how to properly pray and allow them to witness that it functions to remove dark angels. I have done this many times with Nebulous Children and parents. You see, Nebulous Children are not afraid of God's angels. At least in my experiences, there was not one child afraid of God's angels. More specifically, they know when an angel is Godly or Satanic and Dark. Kids have told me the differences and that I should not to be fooled by white angels because, all white angels are not of God.

Children are stronger than we give them credit for, and if you ask a Nebulous Child, she or he will tell you that God exists and prayer does work. Why? Because they can see beyond what we can see. Once they gain control over their abilities and understand how to develop it, then their fears and/or symptoms of mental health decrease. Again, I am a witness. There is no harm in children; more specifically, Nebulous Children praying. Remember, they can see what happens when they ask God for help in prayer. Just ask them what happened? Allow them to describe the differences to you once they pray for protection and to remove dark angels. They will tell you and you will be fascinated by what they see occur after prayer, and going forward. Protection does not end. Your Nebulous Child will continue to benefit from security by way of prayer.