Blog 15: "A Month of Pride & Ghosts" Happy Pride Month!!

When Kids are Silent
I met a teenage boy when I worked at a community mental health center. He had anxiety, depression, and a history of previous suicide attempts. All of the proper interventions and steps were put into place to prevent this teen from attempting to end his life - again. This was a teen who revealed to me as well as others, that he had "feelings" of being gay. He was sweet child but,

• He was heavily teased in school for his feelings.
• He was also teased in school for his alleged mannerisms.
• He was hurt physically in school because of his feelings.
• He felt the need to constantly defend himself against others.
• He was discriminated against due to his feelings.
• Others called him foul names.
• His family disapproved of his feelings.
• He was sad.
• He was anxious.
• He felt oppressed.
• He was tired.

As a result of his emotional turmoil, he attempted suicide several times. That was far too many times for my taste, along with multiple hospitalizations. Ironically, he survived all of them. It seemed to me that it was best to work with him in a group session, as well as incorporating individual therapy with another therapist.

He seemed to thrive within my group session, and appeared as if he enjoyed it. However, all kids have to return home after therapy which is where his tension lied. Not to mention, the bullying that happened to him during school. This teen did not get a mental break from his "feelings" until our group or individual therapy sessions. Although the individual session was not with me, we did collaborate to address this teen's needs. Keep in mind, it is best for the therapist holding the group session not to become the member's individual therapist as well. Why? Because the clients are less likely to open up within the group sessions.

During one group and individual therapy session, there were no indications of this teen wanting to complete suicide, such as having suicidal ideation or a sad disposition. Nothing occurred during our sessions that would have warned us of the event that was about to transpire. He was just as active and content as he had been within these particular sessions. Unfortunately, after he left the agency, he stood in front of a moving bus and attempted to end his life - again. This was in front of the agency window and I saw it, yet he survived and was taken to the hospital - again. At the hospital I learned that he said,

"No one believes me."

Advice to Parents
If your children share their inner most feelings with you,

• Listen to them.
  • It does not matter if you do not believe them.
• Be open to their thoughts.
  • Remove your biases.
  • Envisioned your child differently? 
    • ​Take the time to grieve the future you saw for them away from your child.
    • Come back to them with a positive attitude.
• Let your guard down.
  • Provide a safe space for them to talk.
• Love them despite their choices.
  • ​You did not make the best decisions as a teen either.
• Love them for who they are even if you do not like it.
  • Calm your emotions.
  • ​Love is love.

You see, the aforementioned skills work to give children the attention that they desperately need when faced with tough situations. Many children's lives can be saved if we just love them through their perceived challenges.

When I work with children who see no way out but death,

• I often remind them of how much society needs them.
• I question what contributions or gifts they can offer to the rest of us.
• How ending their lives will hurt them along with their families.
• How simple it is to find a safe person to talk to about their feelings.

"Listen to Children"

Nebulous Children
Throughout my career, I, repeatedly heard the phrase, "No one believes me." Many of those children have been Nebulous Children. A few times, I encountered Nebulous Children who wanted to end their lives because they WERE able to see ghosts. This was tragic.

Tragedy does not need to happen to children as a result of adults not listening to them, or believing the things that they share. As adults, we sometimes forget that children are still developing and that their feelings need nurturing. It maybe difficult for us to understand that LGBTQIA children and teens, as well as Nebulous Children may have different experiences than us. However, those experiences can cause a significant amount of mental health issues. Reason being, adults tend to disregard or equate children's struggles to nonsense or deem them as insignificant due to their ages.

Collectively, children and teens become apprehensive of the potential for negative reactions from parents as well as society. This causes them to become afraid which turns into an interpersonal struggle. It is a fight to survive for them daily. It is the constant need to protect themselves from harm. It is the need to wear a shield of armor in a society that coined the phrase, "The Land of the Free." It is a society where anyone slightly different is deemed abnormal. At times the assumed abnormalities are justified religiously, but many times it comes from a place hatred hence, "Dark Angels."

It...is...serious. If a child tells you that they are LGBTQIA or a Nebulous Child,

Believe them.
​

Suicide is a serious issue for children and adolescents.

Help is available. Speak to someone today.

Please contact the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. 

Love, Dr. Lisa.

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